Issue207 熊熊 作业---没有想好就动笔了----很搓的说--大家指教吧

cranlipUID：2123168

Issue207  第9篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：Francine     共用时间：45分3秒     592 words
从2005年7月7日18时27分到2005年7月7日19时45分
------题目------
Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are.
------正文------
Once we are born, we are given personal identities: the facial future defines us the physical characteristic and the birth place defines us the nationality the culture defines us which circles we belong to. Cultural, accompanied with the nationality, play a leading role in the defining process. Rituals and ceremonies, being part of the culture become the tool to help us know the identification of ourselves.

Comparing the west rituals and the east ceremonies, you could easily find out that there are quite an amount of differences and similarities, although the cultural of different parts developed separately.  Taking Chinese and western traditional wedding as a comparison, in the Chinese traditional wedding, the marriage couple are required to bow for three times--the first is to bow to the sky and the land, second is to the ancestors, and the third is to the parents. Excepting that, the bride are required to take on a red piece of silk to cover the head and could not be seen the face until the ceremony is over. But in the western wedding, the ceremony is often held in the church and presided by the churchmen. Differently, the couple is only required to bow to each other and make a promise in front of the churchmen, moreover, the bride
are asked to were white grande toilette. These different ceremonies reflect the differences in the culture between the nations. As in most parts of the west countries, Christian are universally accepted and worshiped as a divine religion, so the wedding ceremony is in accordance with the religion. But in China, the wedding is inherited by our ancestors as tradition which stands for the Chinese cultural. Thus, it is a more effective way to learn the culture through learning ceremonies.

With the development of the society, the attention of some of the ceremonies gradually diminished in our daily, especially with the increasing speed of the daily life. China is the country which is abundant in rituals, while, some of the rituals are replaced by some modern ceremonies but some of them are kept not only for us, but also for our descendants to know their ancestors, more importantly, to know the country he is living. As is known to all, dragon boat festival is the Chinese festival. During the festival, people are asked to eat the meat bread---a traditional Chinese food, and hang the lotus leaf, and row dragon boat as a ceremony to commemorate one of Chinese celebrity--Quyuan, who committed suicide because he never wanted to be subjected to dignity. Purpose of the ceremony is not only to memorize, but to broadcast the Chinese virtue and to call for our descendants learning from our ancestors. Thus, the ceremony could be seen as a way of education which enhances the identification of us.

But, every coin has two side. Some of the ceremonies could be inherited from one generation to another generation, while, some of the ceremonies become extinction. This should be explained as a kind of natural selection, but it calls us to pay more attention on these endanger culture. Without them, we could not know who we are, how we come from. A nation without any ceremonies likes a white piece of paper without colors, boring and no hopes.

Finally, in order to fully understand ourselves and keep the treasure for our descendants, we should pay more attention on our traditional ceremonies, although they are out dated and at the edge of extinction. Without the ceremony, the culture will lose some importance and brightness.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-7 at 22:33 ]

neo_athrunUID：2111270

拍之前先插一句：以后记得贴提纲上来啊～

neo_athrunUID：2111270

Once we are born, we are given personal identities: the facial future(feature) defines us the physical characteristic and the birth place defines us the nationality the culture defines us which circles we belong to. Cultural, accompanied with the nationality, play a leading role in the defining process. Rituals and ceremonies, being part of the culture become the tool to help us know the identification of ourselves.

Comparing the west rituals and the east ceremonies, you could easily find out that there are quite an amount of differences and similarities, although the cultural of different parts developed separately.  Taking Chinese and western traditional wedding as a comparison, in the Chinese traditional wedding, the marriage couple are required to bow for three times--the first is to bow to the sky and the land, second is to the ancestors, and the third is to the parents.　(啊呀这里冗长了吧？不用这么详细就说一下三次bow了不同的对象就行了) Excepting (Except for) that, the brides are required to take on a red piece of silk to cover the head and could not be seen the face until the ceremony is over. But in the western wedding, the ceremony is often held in the church and presided by the churchmen. Differently, the couple is only required to bow to each other and make a promise in front of the churchmen, moreover, the bride are asked to were (wear) white grande toilette. These different ceremonies reflect the differences in the culture between the nations. As in most parts of the west countries, Christian are universally accepted and worshiped as a divine religion, so the wedding ceremony is in accordance with the religion. But in China, the wedding is inherited by our ancestors as tradition which stands for the Chinese cultural. Thus, it is a more effective way to learn the culture through learning ceremonies.　(关于婚礼的对比太长了，选几个经典的比比就好了，而且这一段的中心句直到最后才放出来，还是在段落一开始就说一下吧)

With the development of the society, the attention of some of the ceremonies gradually diminished in our daily, especially with the increasing speed of the daily life. China is the country which is abundant in rituals, while　(应该用however吧), some of the rituals are replaced by some modern ceremonies but　(连续第二次转折，不太好，另起一句吧) some of them are kept not only for us, but also for our descendants to know their ancestors, more importantly, to know the country in which he is living. As is known to all, dragon boat festival is the Chinese festival. During the festival, people are asked to eat the meat bread (这个这个，这个词是什么意思？) ---a traditional Chinese food, and hang the lotus leaf, and row dragon boat as a ceremony to commemorate one of Chinese celebrity--Quyuan, who committed suicide because he never wanted to be subjected to dignity.　(这个例子老美会不懂得，还是举一些欧美的例子吧方便沟通) Purpose of the ceremony is not only to memorize, but to broadcast the Chinese virtue and to call for our descendants learning from our ancestors. Thus, the ceremony could be seen as a way of education which enhances the identification of us.　(这一段的逻辑有点乱，前面说有些典礼已经开始消失了，后面举了赛龙舟，然后又说典礼的教育性，这之间缺少一定的逻辑联系)
But, every coin has two side. Some of the ceremonies could be inherited from one generation to another generation, while, some of the ceremonies become extinction. This should be explained as a kind of natural selection, but it calls us to pay more attention on these endanger culture. Without them, we could not know who we are, how we come from　(这个有点歧义，how we come from 表达的意思模糊了). A nation without any ceremonies likes a white piece of paper without colors, boring and no hopes.

Finally, in order to fully understand ourselves and keep the treasure for our descendants, we should pay more attention on(to) our traditional ceremonies, although they are out dated and at the edge of extinction. Without the ceremony, the culture will lose some importance and brightness.

总的来说，文章的逻辑在某些地方有些混乱，而且感觉有点偏题，题目说的是没有典礼人们就迷失了，可是本文在写典礼的重要性是帮助人们认识自我，但是没有典礼呢？作者就没有表态了，所以态度上比较的模棱两可。
而且举的例子方面中国的太多了，写作课上得老师推荐还是多举老美熟悉的例子，我还是比较的同意的。
每一段没有注意在段首提出中心句——大忌哦，虽然这是程式化的东西但是会使文章的意思一清二楚。
啰里啰唆说了这么多，楼主别介意哈。
加油啊！

欢迎互拍：issue207

sebarinaUID：2108158

Once we are born, we are given personal identities: the facial future defines us the physical characteristic and the birth place defines us the nationality the culture defines us which circles we belong to.有意思的开头~不过小心慎用~很可能最后写的和这种哲理的话不符 Cultural, accompanied with the nationality, play a leading role in the defining process. Rituals and ceremonies, being part of the culture become the tool to help us know the identification of ourselves.这算提出观点了？不知道这样可以不~反正是够新颖了

Comparing the west rituals and the east ceremonies, you could easily find out that there are quite an amount of differences and similarities, although the cultural of different parts developed separately.  Taking Chinese and western traditional wedding as a comparison, in the Chinese traditional wedding, the marriage couple are required to bow for three times--the first is to bow to the sky and the land, second is to the ancestors, and the third is to the parents. Excepting that, the bride are required to take on a red piece of silk to cover the head and could not be seen the face until the ceremony is over. But in the western wedding, the ceremony is often held in the church and presided by the churchmen. Differently, the couple is only required to bow to each other and make a promise in front of the churchmen, moreover, the bride
are asked to were white grande toilette. 超长的例子啊……省省吧……These different ceremonies reflect the differences in the culture between the nations. As in most parts of the west countries, Christian are universally accepted and worshiped as a divine religion, so the wedding ceremony is in accordance with the religion. But in China, the wedding is inherited by our ancestors as tradition which stands for the Chinese cultural. Thus, it is a more effective way to learn the culture through learning ceremonies.费了好多笔墨写这个论点~论述性的语言太少了~逻辑性弱

With the development of the society, the attention of some of the ceremonies gradually diminished in our daily, especially with the increasing speed of the daily life. China is the country which is abundant in rituals, while, some of the rituals are replaced by some modern ceremonies but some of them are kept not only for us, but also for our descendants to know their ancestors, more importantly, to know the country he is living. As is known to all, dragon boat festival is the Chinese festival. During the festival, people are asked to eat the meat bread---a traditional Chinese food, and hang the lotus leaf, and row dragon boat as a ceremony to commemorate one of Chinese celebrity--Quyuan, who committed suicide because he never wanted to be subjected to dignity. Purpose of the ceremony is not only to memorize, but to broadcast the Chinese virtue and to call for our descendants learning from our ancestors. Thus, the ceremony could be seen as a way of education which enhances the identification of us.屈原的例子想到很不错的~但是呢~对论题的论证度不够

But, every coin has two side.老套~小心雷同而且没有明确观点 Some of the ceremonies could be inherited from one generation to another generation, while, some of the ceremonies become extinction. This should be explained as a kind of natural selection, but it calls us to pay more attention on these endanger culture. Without them, we could not know who we are, how we come from.is there any support evidence？ A nation without any ceremonies likes a white piece of paper without colors, boring and no hopes.这一段中心很不明确

Finally, in order to fully understand ourselves and keep the treasure for our descendants, we should pay more attention on our traditional ceremonies, although they are out dated and at the edge of extinction. 这个让步的不好~换个句式Without the ceremony, the culture will lose some importance and brightness.否定的太轻~
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我困了累了很容易拍狠~不要见怪~~~
zzzz....