argument205 熊熊作业

cranlipUID：2123168

Argument205  第9篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：Francine     共用时间：30分3秒     439 words
从2005年7月7日19时20分到2005年7月7日19时30分
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The following appeared in a recommendation from the president of Amburg's Chamber of Commerce.
'Last October the city of Belleville installed high intensity lighting in its central business district, and vandalism there declined almost immediately. The city of Amburg has recently begun police patrols on bicycles in its business district but the rate of vandalism there remains constant. Since high intensity lighting is apparently the most effective way to combat crime, we should install such lighting throughout Amburg. By reducing crime in this way, we can revitalize the declining neighborhoods in our city.'
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In the artical, the author deduced that the high intensity lighting could be an effective way to combat the crime, and then recommended that by the reducing crime in this way, they can make their neighborhoods revitalized. To support his conclusion, he cited the case of the city of Belleville which had installed high intensity lighting in its central business district, and vandalism there declined immediately. Although the verification appears logical without any flaws, actually, there are some fallacies hidden behind the facts.

In the first place, the author failed to provide us the evidence to prove that high intensity lighting caused the reducing vandalism in its central business district. We have no idea whether it is a cause-result relationship or merely coincident case. It is possible that other ways to guard the order of this district are taken into effect. And then, even if the lighting was effective in the last October, we could not deduce that it is as effective as it used to be now. Possibly, the vandalizes have invented some new tools to handle the lighting. Thus, we could not easily judged that it is an effective way.

Secondly, even if the high lighting actually reduced the vandalism now, we could not say that such kind of measures could get the same effects in the different places. As
Belleville and Amburg are two different states; the general social orders are different. Possible, he vandalizes are more ferocity than the Bellevilles as they even do not fear the police patrols on bicycles.

Thirdly, the author asserted that lighting is an effective way to combat crime. Even if We committed that the lighting is effective to reduce the vandalizes, but there is no evidence to support that it can handle all the crimes, including murder and bomb. There are so many kinds of crime in the society and they are becoming much more complex surpassing our imagination with the development of technology. Common sense tells us no particular methods are effective to handle all the crimes, let alone the lighting. Thus, it is not a good suggestion to install such lighting throughout Amburg.

Fourthly, the author made a no evidence presumption. Even if the lighting could handle the crime, constantly appearing in the city, can we revitalize the declining neighborhoods in our city? The author failed to provide the evidence to reflect the relationship of the crime and the revitalization. The regeneration of a city should be related to the development of the city, the environment of the city, and the social orders of the city. Only reducing the crime, can we achieve out goals of revitalization.
Generally speaking, the author failed to provide enough evidences to support his conclusion in the following aspects: lighting is an effective way of combat vandalizing in Amburg, and it can partly reduce the rate of crime; and reducing crime will bring the business chance for the city, so it will benefit the regeneration of the city. If the evidences mentioned are sufficient, the recommendation will be effective.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-7 at 22:35 ]

sebarinaUID：2108158

In the artica拼写l, the author deduced that the high intensity lighting could be an effective way to combat the crime, and then recommended that by the reducing crime in this way, they can 都是过去时就要一直用make their neighborhoods revitalized. To support his conclusion, he cited the case of the city of Belleville which had installed high intensity lighting in its central business district, and vandalism there declined immediately. Although the verification appears logical without any flaws, actually, there are some fallacies hidden behind the facts.句子不错，但第一段注意时态

In the first place, the author failed to provide us the evidence to prove that high intensity lighting caused the reducing vandalism in its central business district. We have no idea whether it is a cause-result relationship or merely coincident case.不错 It is possible that other ways to guard the order of this district are taken into effect. And then, even if the lighting was effective in the last October, we could not deduce that it is as effective as it used to be去掉to be now. Possibly, the vandalizes have invented some new tools to handle the lighting. Thus, we could not easily judged 语法that it is an effective way.

Secondly, even if the high lighting actually reduced the vandalism now, we could not say that such kind of measures could get the same effects in the different places. As
Belleville and Amburg are two different states; the general social orders are different. Possible, he vandalizes are more ferocity应该用形容词吧 than the Bellevilles as they even do not fear the police patrols on bicycles.拼写加语法意思也不通

Thirdly, the author asserted that lighting is an effective way to combat crime. Even if We committed that the lighting is effective to reduce the vandalizes, but there is no evidence to support that it can handle all the crimes, including murder and bomb. There are so many kinds of crime in the society and they are becoming much more complex surpassing our imagination with the development of technology. Common sense tells us no particular methods are effective to handle all the crimes, let alone the lighting. Thus, it is not a good suggestion to install such lighting throughout Amburg. 还好吧~没有什么大错~中间缺少further之类的词语

Fourthly, the author made a no evidence这么简单的把no evidence当形容词不太好吧 presumption. Even if the lighting could handle the crime, constantly appearing in the city, can we revitalize the declining neighborhoods in our city? The author failed to provide the evidence to reflect the relationship of the crime and the revitalization. The regeneration of a city should be related to the development of the city, the environment of the city, and the social orders of the city. Only reducing the crime, can we achieve out goals of revitalization.这个句子倒装有歧义
Generally speaking, the author failed to provide enough evidences to support his conclusion in the following aspects: lighting is an effective way of combat vandalizing in Amburg, and it can partly reduce the rate of crime; and reducing crime will bring the business chance for the city, so it will benefit the regeneration of the city. If the evidences mentioned are sufficient, the recommendation will be effective.最后一段不知道这样可否~你最好参考下范文

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呵呵还不错~条例听清楚地~但这篇的毛病太多，导致面面俱到而展开太少和我的一样，最后两段展开的还不错。

恩~下次发贴前~自己先读好~把简单错误改改~念你初犯就不批评了~