issue7★无敌拍场★第九期，欢迎拍拍

xuanyeUID: 2162278

ISSUE7、"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

OUTLINE:A In modern society, the use of video documentation is very common and popular.
          Because+characteristic
          B.However, video documentation has limitation in some area
          c. video and written records should compensate with each other

NUMBER:437
DATE:06.2.16

The application of video camera as the means of recording can provide more accurate and convincing of contemporary life, it is still too gratuitous to conclude that the video documentation will take the place of written records in a foreseeable future. Besides, close scrutiny shows that each of these two recording methods has its advantages and foibles, only through the collaboration can give the next generation a perfect record of the human history.


As the developing of the modern digit technology, the use of the video documentation is very common and popular..Admittedly, video documentation can be more vivid and direct than written records .First, video camera is small that can be taken convenient. Second, video cameras are objective witness with perfect memories. Thus, they can play a important role in researching nature phenomenon-such as those the rise of sun, the earthquake, the volcanic eruption and some large canyon. Indeed, whenever moving images are central to an event the video camera is superior to the written record. A written description cannot replay that surprise birthday party, involving robbery, and even malpractice in a hospital operating room as accurately or objectively as a video record.


However, written records are advantageous to and more useful than video records. For instance, after an important meeting in a coorperation , secretary generalize the main ideas or important things with written records. Also, written records can describe the detail of legal matters, a complex contractual agreement. And video is of little use when it comes to documenting, a person’s subjective state of mind, impressions, or reflections of an event or experience. Indeed, in some area, written documentation is actually more important than video.


Finally, video documentation and written records should compensate with each other in which could reverse the value records to our next generation. A perfect television’s program needs vivid pictures and comfortable sound. As well, an useful record need real video records and objective detail by written records. However, what we view through a camera lens provides only one dimension of our life and times, written documentation will always be needed to quantify, demystify, and provide meaning to the world around us.


In sum, the video documents have provided people with an innovative approach of recording and also give the descendants the opportunity to retrospect to the past events in a more vivid way. But without the written records, it is impossible for people to gain the general spectrum about history. So these two media should compensate with each other, only in this way can we preserve the contemporary society and people’s lives in a complete way for our next generation.

lyan1102UID: 2148674

ISSUE7、"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

OUTLINE:A In modern society, the use of video documentation is very common and popular.
          Because+characteristic
          B.However, video documentation has limitation in some area
          c. video and written records should compensate with each other

NUMBER:437
DATE:06.2.16

The application of video camera as the means of recording can provide more accurate and convincing [records] of contemporary life, [but] it is still too gratuitous to conclude that the video documentation will take the place of written records in a foreseeable future. Besides, close scrutiny shows that each of these two recording methods has its advantages and foibles, only through the collaboration can give the next generation a perfect record of the human history.


As the developing of the modern digit technology, the use of the video documentation is very common and popular..Admittedly, video documentation can be [is] more vivid and direct than written records .First, video camera is small that [and] can be taken （convenient） [conveniently]. Second, video cameras are objective witness with perfect memories. Thus, they can play （a ）[an] important role in researching nature （phenomenon） [应该用复数]-such as （those） [不明白为什么要加those] the rise of sun, the （earthquake）[复数], the volcanic eruption and some large （canyon） [复数]. Indeed, （whenever moving images are central to an event） [总觉得前半句话读起来怪怪的，改成when it comes to moving image 不晓得对不对] the video （camera） [camera 改成record ，camera只不过是个工具] is superior to the written record. A written description cannot replay （that） [最好不用后面的名词都改成复数形式] surprise birthday party, （involving ）[后者不包含于前者应去掉] robbery, and even （malpractice in a hospital operating room） [医疗事故 medical accidents 或medical negligence] （as） [as 应该去掉] accurately （or） [改成and 似乎更好] objectively as a video record.


However, written records are advantageous （to） [去掉] and [添even] more useful than video records. [我个人认为在举例前把这一段的具体观点提出来比较好，如到底有点是什么]  For instance, after an important meeting in a （coorperation） [拼写错误corporation] , secretary [添can] generalize the main ideas or important things with written records. Also, written records can describe the （detail） [复数] of legal matters, [such as] a complex contractual agreement. And [whereas] video is of little use when it comes to documenting, a person’s subjective state of mind, impressions, （or） [and] reflections of an event or experience. [应该对上论点展开说明才更有说服力，且能增加些字数] （Indeed） [so] , in some area, written documentation is actually more important than video.


Finally, video documentation and written records should compensate with each other （in which could） [in order to ] （reverse） [reserve] the （value） [valuable] records to （our） [the] next generation. A perfect （television’s） [不用所有格] program needs vivid pictures and comfortable sound. （As well） [In addition], an useful record （need） [needs] [both] real video records and （objective detail by written records） [which provide objective details ]. However, what we view through a camera lens provides only one dimension of our life and times, written documentation will always be needed to quantify, demystify, and (provide) [provides] meaning to the world around us.


In sum, the video documents have provided people with an innovative approach of recording and also give the descendants the opportunity to retrospect to the past events in a more vivid way. But without the written records, it is impossible for people to gain the general spectrum about history. So these two (media) [medias] should compensate with each other, only in this way can we preserve the contemporary society and people’s lives in a complete way for our next generation.

[总结：文章的应注意的最重要点是单复数混乱，且有少许的语法错误。第三段的论据稍显不足，不如将论点改成‘同等重要’应该比说一方重要更好说一些。以上薄见均属个人看法，有补足之处请指正]

[ 本帖最后由 lyan1102 于 2006-2-18 14:41 编辑 ]

lyan1102UID: 2148674

望回拍！谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

freud5027UID: 2165870

The application of video camera as the means of recording can provide more accurate and convincing of contemporary life, it is still too gratuitous to conclude that the video documentation will take the place of written records in a foreseeable future. Besides, close scrutiny shows that each of these two recording methods has its advantages and foibles, only through the collaboration can give the next generation a perfect record of the human history.

As the developing of the modern digit technology, the use of the video documentation is very common and popular..Admittedly, video documentation can be more vivid and direct than written records .First, video camera is small that can be taken convenient. Second, video cameras are objective witness with perfect memories. Thus, they can play a important role in researching nature phenomenon-such as those the rise of sun, the earthquake, the volcanic eruption and some large canyon. Indeed, whenever moving images are central to an event the video camera is superior to the written record. A written description cannot replay that surprise birthday party, involving robbery, and even malpractice in a hospital operating room as accurately or objectively as a video record.

However, written records are advantageous to and more useful than video records. For instance, after an important meeting in a coorperation , secretary generalize the main ideas or important things with written records. Also, written records can describe the detail of legal matters, a complex contractual agreement. And video is of little use when it comes to documenting, a person’s subjective state of mind, impressions, or reflections of an event or experience. Indeed, in some area, written documentation is actually more important than video.

Finally, video documentation and written records should compensate with each other in which could reverse the value records to our next generation. A perfect television’s program needs vivid pictures and comfortable sound. As well, an useful record need real video records and objective detail by written records. However, what we view through a camera lens provides only one dimension of our life and times<这句好>, written documentation will always be needed to quantify, demystify(去神秘化？), and provide meaning to the world around us.

In sum, the video documents have provided people with an innovative approach of recording and also give the descendants the opportunity to retrospect to the past events in a more vivid way. But without the written records, it is impossible for people to gain the general spectrum about history. So these two media should compensate with each other, only in this way can we preserve the contemporary society and people’s lives in a complete way for our next generation.

我尽我所能很仔细地看了，不过修改语法不是很在行，看不出太大问题；
至于内容方面，第2、3段的内容和大家写的角度差不多，没有错，不过没什么新意，
毕竟要写得又有创意又好很难，这就是我痛苦的原因。。。
finally那段，是讲互补？useful record的概念很宽泛，也不是所有记录都需要video的，
两者本身就是在不同方面发挥各自的特点的，非要联合，以怎样的形式联合目前没想到具体的内容。
整体新闻不错，语言也比我流畅，哈哈！以上！

dudujasperUID: 2180289

The application of video camera（s) as the means of recording can provide more accurate and convincing(你形容的是什么？？） of contemporary life, it is still too gratuitous to conclude that the video documentation will take the place of written records in a foreseeable future.（是比较的谁更重要，替代和被替代就有点言重了吧） Besides, close(删了，加a或者the） scrutiny shows that each of these two recording methods has its advantages and foibles, only through the collaboration can give the next generation a perfect record of the human history.
表明了观点，但是有一点你把题目细化了，把两者结合说的没错，但是后面的给下一代提供完美的记录就把题目的范围缩小了。开头稍嫌有点长，有点小罗嗦

As the developing （How about:"Along with the development")of the(删鸟） modern digit technology, the use of the video documentation is very common and popular. Admittedly, video documentation（s) can be(are) more vivid and direct than written records .First, (the) video camera is small that can be taken convenient(ly). Second, video cameras are objective witness(es) with perfect memories. Thus, they can play a important role in researching nature phenomenon(s)-such as those(删） the rise of sun, the earthquake, the volcanic eruption and some large canyon（s). Indeed, whenever moving(换个词吧） images are central to an event the video camera is superior to the written record. A written description cannot replay that surprise birthday party, involving robbery, and even malpractice in a hospital operating room as accurately or objectively as a video record.
多练练句子吧，最后一句有问题没给你改


However, written records are advantageous to and more useful than video records.（这句写的太肯定了，只是在某些方面比录象要好吧） For instance, after an important meeting in a coorperation , （the) secretary generalize the main ideas or important things with written records. Also, written records can (删了）describe the detail（s) of legal matters, a complex contractual agreement. And video is of little use when it comes to documenting, a person’s subjective state of mind, impressions, or reflections of an event or experience. Indeed, in some area, written documentation is actually more important than video.
还是好好注意句子，不行的话就写短句，那没有什么不好的

Finally, video documentation and written records should compensate with each other in which could reverse the value（valuable) records to our next generation. A perfect television’s program(program on television) needs vivid pictures and comfortable sound(s). As well, an useful record need(s) real video records and objective detail by written records. However, what we view through a camera lens provides only one dimension of our life and times, written documentation(s) will always be needed to quantify, demystify, and provide (the) meaning to the world around us.
注意单三，论证不深入


In sum, the video documents have provided people with an innovative approach of recording and also give the descendants the opportunity to retrospect to the past events in a more vivid way. But without the written records, it is impossible for people to gain the general spectrum about history. So these two media（s) should compensate with each other, only in this way can we preserve the contemporary society and people’s lives in a complete way for our next generation.
结尾也太长了，结尾简单就好，这么长都可以再做个论证段了
简单的总结，有可能的话在深入一下会更好

语言：多注意下句子，语法问题多注意，很多单三的
思路：正反合
论证：论证方面，注意开头和结尾不要太长，里面有很多重复意思的话，显的有点罗嗦
     每个论证段的开展度可以再深入点

[ 本帖最后由 dudujasper 于 2006-2-17 19:56 编辑 ]