ARUMENT51 同期写作 请各位拍砖 留链必拍

wenyuZUID: 2113611

WORDS: 532          DATE: 2006-3-5

请各位拍砖  留链必拍
谢谢

我的提纲：
1 调查对象没有保证是相同状况的病人
2 医生的专长不同也会影响结果；糖片的服用会影响结果；没有界定“significantly”到底是怎样个程度
3 就算调查能得出相应结论，也不能把抗生素的应用扩大到每个肌肉拉伤的病人

The author simply draw the conclusion about the importance of the application of the antibiotics in every patients diagnosed with muscle strain on the basis of a study which is lack of strict control method. To give any claim upon the study, one need to further check the details in it from the aspects mentioned below.

It is essential to judge the method the study has used to obtain the substantive implication. In this sense, there are something to be further corrected. First of all, to ensure that the different results from two groups of patients have a solo relationship with whether the antibiotics are used, the researchers must get rid of any other factors that have the potential to effect the results. In this study, there are too many undue element that have involved. The author failed to examine whether the patients in this study are in the same conditions, such as the age, the gender and the physical conditions, all of which may have an impact on the recuperation time. It is obvious that a strong young man can be better immuned from the infections on his own than an sick old woman. If this two typical kinds of people are used in the study, it is the patient's own body condition that contributes the result rather than the usage of the antibiotics.

Furthermore, two doctors with different background are used in two groups, one specializes in sports medicine while the other is a general physician, which may influence the way the doctor treats his patients and take care of them, therefore may have the results affected. Since the muscle strain is mainly in the range of the sports injures, the sport medicine doctor may have a better voice in the treatment of the patients than a merely general one. In addition, the sugar pills applied to the second group may have some effect on the recuperation time of the patients, and the term "significantly" to describe the result of the second group is somewhat vague and hard to define. Any conclusions from this study must carry these factor into the final consideration.

From the study to the final claim, the author promptly gives a general statement. Even when all the factors mentioned above are dismissed and the results of the study are convincing, how can one maintain that all patients are the targets of the application of this medicine, neglecting the patient's personal conditions?  What about a patient who are sensitive for the medicine and may have a deleterious antiaction? What about the one being in the middle of some treatment that must avoid any application of antibiotics? There  are no flaw to underline the assistant role the antibiotics play in the treatment of the patients, however, to exaggerate this role to the good application in all cases are far too receivable.

In general, to draw the real results of the antibiotics on the recuperation time of the patients of muscle strain, one need to limit the factors that may have an effect to a solo one to carry more strict logic, and to apply this medicine to the treatment should combine all the respects of the cases together.

请各位拍砖  留链必拍  请一定要狠哦

感激每个帮助我的朋友·

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-3-6 09:39 编辑 ]

jupiterjoyUID: 161688

The author simply draw the conclusion about the importance of the application of the antibiotics in every patients diagnosed with muscle strain on the basis of a study which is lack of strict control method. To give any claim upon the study, one need to further check the details in it from the aspects mentioned below. 仔细看斑竹的主题帖，我觉得忽略下结论的前提，从论据到结论太危险！

It is essential to judge the method the study has used to obtain the substantive implication. In this sense, there are something to be further corrected. First of all, to ensure that the different results from two groups of patients have a solo relationship with whether the antibiotics are used, the researchers must get rid of any other factors去掉 that have the potential to effect the results. In this study, there are too many undue elements that have/ involved. The author failed to examine whether the patients in this study are in the same conditions, such as the age, the gender and the physical conditions, all of which may have an impact on the recuperation time. It is obvious that a strong young man can be better immuned from the infections on his own than an? sick old woman. If this two typical kinds of people are used in the study, it is the patient's own body condition that contributes to the result rather than the usage of the antibiotics.

Furthermore, two doctors with different background are used in two groups, one specializes in sports medicine while the other is a general physician, which may influence the way the doctor treats his patients and take care of them, therefore may have the results affected. Since the muscle strain is mainly in the range of the sports injures, the sport medicine doctor may have a better voice in the treatment of the patients than a merely general one. In addition, the sugar pills applied to the second group may have some effects on the recuperation time of the patients, and the term "significantly" to describe the result of the second group is somewhat vague and hard to define. Any conclusions from this study must carry these factors into the final consideration.

From the study to the final claim, the author promptly gives a general statement. Even when all the factors mentioned above are dismissed and the results of the study are convincing, how can one maintain that all patients are the targets of the application of this medicine, neglecting the patient's personal conditions?  What about a patient who areis sensitive for the medicine and may have a deleterious antiaction? What about the one being in the middle of some treatment that must avoid any application of antibiotics? There  are no flaw to underline the assistant role the antibiotics play in the treatment of the patients, however, to exaggerate this role to the good application in all cases are far too receivable.

In general, to draw the real results of the antibiotics on the recuperation time of the patients of muscle strain, one need to limit the factors that may have an effect toon a solo one to carry more strict logic, and to applyapplying好点吧 this medicine to the treatment should combine all the respects of the cases together.


我觉得很不错.
给你挑了不少语法错误, 一定要注意呀! 加油加油!

发现你也是学生物的:)

vickeyyyUID: 2106179

The author simply draw the conclusion about the importance of the application of the antibiotics in every patients diagnosed with muscle strain on the basis of a study which is lack of strict control method. To give any claim upon the study, one need to further check the details in it from the aspects mentioned below.[开头不错，值得学习哦]

It is essential to judge the method the study has used to obtain the substantive implication. In this sense, there are something to be further corrected. First of all, to ensure that the different results from two groups of patients have a solo[这里用direct会不会读上去比较通点，呵呵]  relationship with whether the antibiotics are used, the researchers must get rid of [preclude,可能好一点] any other factors that have the potential to effect[affect是动词] the results. In this study, there are too many undue element that have involved. The author failed to examine whether the patients in this study are in the same conditions, such as the age, the gender and the physical conditions, all of which may have an impact on the recuperation time. It is obvious that a strong young man can be better immuned[immune] from the infections on his own[ than an sick old woman][可以写成这样会不会好点：whereas an sick old woman may more susceptible to those diseases]. If this two typical kinds of people are used in the study, it is the patient's own body condition that contributes [to] the result rather than the usage of the antibiotics.

Furthermore, two doctors with different background are used in two groups, one specializes in sports medicine while the other is a general physician, which may influence the way the doctor treats his patients and take care of them, therefore may have the results affected. Since the muscle strain is mainly in the range of the sports injures, the sport medicine doctor may have a better voice[你是想说经验还是名声如果是名声用feedback or reputation是不是贴切些] in the treatment of the patients than a merely general one. In addition, the sugar pills applied to the second group may have some effect on the recuperation time of the patients, and the term "significantly" to describe the result of the second group is somewhat vague and hard to define. Any conclusions from this study must carry these factor into the final consideration.

From the study to the final claim, the author promptly gives a general statement. Even when all the factors mentioned above are dismissed and the results of the study are convincing, how can one maintain that all patients are the targets of the application of this medicine, neglecting the patient's personal conditions?  What[用How,我读上去通点，不过what应该也行] about a patient who are[is] sensitive for the medicine and may have a deleterious antiaction? What about the one being in the middle of some treatment that must avoid any application of antibiotics? There are[is] no flaw to underline the assistant role the antibiotics play in the treatment of the patients, however, to exaggerate this role to the good application in all cases are[is] far too receivable.

In general, to draw the real results of the antibiotics on the recuperation time of the patients of[suffering from,我觉得好一点] muscle strain, one need to limit the factors that may have an effect to a solo[the target] one to carry more strict logic, and to apply this medicine to the treatment should combine all the respects of the cases together.

[逻辑不错，写得比我好，就是部分地方的语言觉得有些别扭，呵呵。 本人水平有限，只能改这些了，赫赫。等会贴上我的，帮忙拍拍阿，多谢

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

嗯，真好啊，我也是学生物的。占个座，我也来改！！

白衣笨天使UID: 144754

The author simply draw[draws] the conclusion about the importance of the application of the antibiotics in[in?] every patients[patient] diagnosed with muscle strain on the basis of a study which is lack of strict control method. To give any claim upon the study, one need to further check the details in it from the aspects mentioned below. [看起来我们还是要讨论一下开头啊。我觉得这样写很简洁，但是好像只列了一个Topic，还没有说出作者的Theme，那是不是就没有树好一个靶子下面来批呢？]

It is essential to judge the method the study has used to obtain the substantive implication. In this sense[有这个词组啊？金山好像没有哎], there are[is] something to be further corrected. First of all, to ensure that the different results from two groups of patients have a solo relationship[这样修饰可以么？我不知道，只是觉得有点好玩儿] with whether the antibiotics are used, the researchers must get rid of any other factors that have the potential to effect the results. In this study, there are too many undue element[elements] that have involved. The author failed to examine whether the patients in this study are in the same conditions, such as the age, the gender and the physical conditions, all of which may have an impact on the recuperation time. It is obvious[有个问题，是用这样的从句好还是用副词比较好？] that a strong young man can be better immuned from[这个说法好奇怪——不过我是说从中文意思上看] the infections on his own than an[a] sick old woman. If this[these] two typical kinds of people are used in the study, it is the patient's own body condition that contributes the result rather than the usage of the antibiotics.

Furthermore, two doctors with different background are used in two groups, one specializes in sports medicine while the other is a general physician, which may influence the way the doctor treats his patients and take care of them, therefore may have the results affected. Since the muscle strain is mainly in the range of the sports injures, the sport medicine doctor may have a better voice in the treatment of the patients than a merely general one. In addition, the sugar pills applied to the second group may have some effect on the recuperation time of the patients, and the term "significantly" to describe the result of the second group is somewhat vague and hard to define. Any conclusions from this study must carry these factor into the final consideration.

From the study to the final claim, the author promptly gives a general statement. Even when all the factors mentioned above are dismissed and the results of the study are convincing, how can one maintain that all patients are the targets of the application of this medicine, neglecting the patient's personal conditions?  What about a patient who are sensitive for the medicine and may have a deleterious antiaction? What about the one being in the middle of some treatment that must avoid any application of antibiotics? There  are no flaw to underline the assistant role the antibiotics play in the treatment of the patients, however, to exaggerate this role to the good application in all cases are far too receivable.

In general, to draw the real results of the antibiotics on the recuperation time of the patients of muscle strain, one need to limit the factors that may have an effect to a solo one to carry more strict logic, and to apply this medicine to the treatment should combine all the respects of the cases together.
[你的作文里确实好像看不到明显的模版的痕迹，还是要赞一下的，只是感觉看得不是太流畅，可是真要我具体将什么问题呢，我水平有限，还有点儿说不出来。看着语言也不错，虽然语法错误多了一点，不过限时作文也难免；结构也挺清晰的，开头结尾很简洁。]