Argument145 [中华龙作文小组－－xbullfrog第十六次作业]-回归篇

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Argument145

A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.


第一次限时28分钟写完. 感觉30分钟内按照我现在的写作速度还是比较难突破400
自己改了以后成这个样子,以后还要慢慢提高.
大家多给意见.谢谢

In this argument, after citing a report showing that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than those who do not snore, the author hastily draw a conclusion that anyone who snores should try to eat less and to exercise more. However, a close analysis will demonstrate how unreliable the author's inference is in the following respects.
      To begin with, the author does not present any useful information which could guarantee that snore would have a direct effect on the people's weight, or make people gain weight easily. It is of great possibility that other bad living habits cause people’s snoring, at the mean time take people to the state that they are easily to become fat. Obviously, if this is the case, it would be argued that snore is one of the traits caused by some bad living habits, as well as the weight gain, and then the speaker’s advice does nothing of the kind. So, the author should not simply attribute the weight problem to snore, instead, he should find out the essential factor of this issue and substantiate it.
       Further undermining the argument is the word "anyone" which is far too extreme to give those people a wise advice. Since we are not informed that all of the people who snore are fat persons, or normal persons, we cannot unjustifiably ruling out that no skinny person snores. In fact, we have seen some people who snore but still very thin. In this way, if we continue to advise those people to take the suggestion—eat less while excise more, as we all know it will bring no good on them, or even may take them away from the healthy life.
       Even assuming that the correlation between snore and weight gain is legitimately established and the word “anyone” is limited, the recommendation itself is questionable. As the study presents, snorers are likely to feel tired during the day, so, if they often have heavy work in the daytime, then it would not be a good idea to tell them to eat leas which would lead to an energy-lacking situation or advice them to excise more which may make them too tired to finish their work. For that matter, the author’s suggestion will have a chilling effect on the people who snore. Thus the speaker ought to target the snore, maybe the cause of snore.
       To sum up, this argument is unpersuasive due to lacking more critical information. To strengthen it, the author should clearly show something that can convince us that the snore would actually cause people’s gaining weight easily. And also, he should prove that people who snore are all people who need to lose weight, or at least are normal persons. Moreover, to better appraise the recommendation, we need to know much more details about why it could help those people keep health.

[ 本帖最后由 xbullfrog 于 2007-1-3 23:44 编辑 ]