ISSUE5 [5f 11-26作业]求砖

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

ISSUE5 -[5f 11-26作业]求砖
我已经根据2楼的批改意见，重写本文，贴在4楼，麻烦各位G友稍向下移步至4楼，修改重写的文章。
希望经过修改后的能有所提高，在这里表示对各位的衷心感谢！！
"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."
WORDS: 648

Should students receive exclusively compulsory courses assigned by the government in their pre-college education? My answer to this question contradicts with that of the speaker. Instead, I maintain that curriculums for education under college level should combine the national courses and a variety of the academic disciplines offered by schools.

Admittedly, a portion of compulsory courses required by government should be infused into the  subjects of all grades on several aspects. For one thing, uniform lessons given in all schools nationwide assure students to obtain the basic yet essential skills and knowledge necessary for normal social lives. For instance, mathematics of basic level would be found crucial in daily lives such as shopping. Without such skills as calculation it is impossible for people to accomplish even the simplest tasks in modern society. Likewise, computer technology, which has dominated merely every aspect of modern lives, should be informed and trained in schools, thus the students could be competent in their future careers. For another, national courses ensure students to be educated with the basic disciplines and reach comparatively equal level so that the colleges and universities are convenient to arrange courses for students with similar educational background. For further instance one only need to imagine the chaos aroused when the universities attempt courses for various students with uneven educational experience.

Moreover, national courses concerning on the civic education should be required in all schools. As the schools shoulder the major effect on the civic attitude of the children, core curriculum of schools should inform the children of politics and government, enhance education about citizenship responsibilities and emphasize the civic values of our constitutional democracy. To preserve the civil rights, which our forebears fought for and we are fortunately benefit from, the youngsters need to realize the part they play; the preservation of civic values and liberties is directly linked to performed responsibilities, such as political participation to express political ideas, voting in public election, voluntary service to the communities and so forth. However, without the establishment of compulsory courses with special emphasis in social studies or literature courses, it is unlikely that the students could manage to become responsible citizens with the desire and capacity to fulfill civic obligations that guarantee a democratic society.

Nevertheless, uniform national curriculum exclusive of selective courses provided by the individual schools tends to be counterproductive to obtain effective education. On the one hand, citizens of diverse regions throughout the nation require different skills or knowledge to adapt into the specific social situations. For instance, locating around the preservation of Indians, the population of state of Indiana may consist of greater proportion of Indians, suggesting the necessity of acquiring courses in history, literature or culture of India. Besides, schools can take advantages of their resources available to achieve superior educational outcomes. Possible is that schools close to the Yellow Stone accumulate plenty of knowledge or experience on the specific ecosystem in the regions and lessons of biology might be highlighted with outstanding quality. Therefore, to deprive the right of the schools to select their specialized courses seems a waste of resources. On the other hand, students require trainings or courses to prepare for their future career. As common sense informs us, only a minor rate of senior high school graduates manage to be eligible to continue their college education while the rest will enter into society and hunt for jobs. In order to excel in fierce competition of the job market and be competent for their career, the students must be equipped with trainings or courses enhancing practice in high schools. Therefore, it is highly necessary for schools to provide selective courses or trainings according the requirement of the students prior to college or university education.

In sum, both the uniform national curriculum and selective courses offered by schools are essential for students to achieve wholesomeness of education benefiting themselves as well as the society as a whole.

[ 本帖最后由 shuwenying 于 2007-11-27 09:43 编辑 ]

liyue24UID: 2350787

Should students receive exclusively compulsory courses assigned by the government in their pre-college education? My answer to this question contradicts with that of the speaker[1.contradict是个vt吧……我查字典里面例句都是contradict sb；2.that of去掉]. Instead[?替换了什么了？这里是不是一个逻辑转折词的地方呢？没懂...], I maintain that curriculums for education under college level should combine the national courses and a variety of the academic disciplines offered by schools.

简洁的开头给明自己观点。

Admittedly, a portion of compulsory courses required by government should be infused into the subjects of all grades on several aspects. For one thing, uniform lessons given in all schools nationwide assure students to obtain the basic yet essential skills and knowledge necessary for normal social lives. For instance, mathematics of basic level would be found crucial in daily lives such as shopping. Without such skills as calculation it is impossible for people to accomplish even the simplest tasks in modern society. Likewise, computer technology, which has dominated merely every aspect of modern lives, should be informed and trained in schools, thus the students could be competent in their future careers. For another, national courses ensure students to be educated with the basic disciplines and reach comparatively equal level so that the colleges and universities are convenient to arrange courses for students with similar educational background. For further instance one only need to imagine the chaos aroused when the universities attempt courses for various students with uneven educational experience.

全国性课程的好处。两个方面：基本技能和相同教育背景。有例子。

Moreover, national courses concerning on the civic education should be required in all schools. As the[去掉] schools shoulder the major effect on the civic attitude of the children, core curriculum of schools should inform the children of politics and government, enhance education about citizenship responsibilities and emphasize the civic values of our constitutional democracy. To preserve the civil rights, which our forebears fought for and we are fortunately benefit from, the youngsters need to realize the part they play; the preservation of civic values and liberties is directly linked to performed[去掉ed] responsibilities, such as political participation to express political ideas, voting in public election, voluntary service to the communities and so forth. However, without the establishment of compulsory courses with special emphasis in social studies or literature courses, it is unlikely that the students could manage to become responsible citizens with the desire and capacity to fulfill civic obligations that guarantee a democratic society.

全国性课程的好处。世界观和价值观的树立，前人的继承。
感觉，这里例子部分说了很多。howevere前面的一两句话我基本不太懂啥意思..呵呵..sorry。主要是，这些话强调这个civil的什么rights, responsibilities，这个和教育有啥关系，全国性的课程怎么就给这个了？而且为啥地方性特色课程就没有？我一度看的以为跑题了……呵呵……感觉没有上面一段中的例子直接和简明。

Nevertheless, uniform national curriculum exclusive of selective courses provided by the individual schools tends to be counterproductive to obtain effective education. On the one hand, citizens of diverse regions throughout the nation require different skills or knowledge to adapt into the specific social situations. For instance, locating around the preservation of Indians, the population of state of Indiana may consist of greater proportion of Indians, suggesting the necessity of acquiring courses in history, literature or culture of India. Besides, schools can take advantages of their resources available to achieve superior educational outcomes. Possible is that[这个地方是想用一个possible提前的类似倒装吧。我开始觉得蛮好的，但是后来觉得可能不行——that后面引从句了。所以前面没有主语。所以还是it is possible that吧...] schools close to the Yellow Stone accumulate plenty of knowledge or experience on the specific ecosystem in the regions and lessons of biology might be highlighted with outstanding quality[这句话太长...and前后主语谓语都不同意思也不近的情况下，至少用逗号隔一下吧...]. Therefore, to deprive the right of the schools to select their specialized courses seems[would be] a waste of resources[这句是否说的有些chinglish?..It would be a waste of resource by depriving the rights of schools to select their specialized courses.还是怎么说更好点？我也拿不准...]. On the other hand, students require trainings or courses to prepare for their future career. As common sense informs us, only a minor rate of senior high school graduates manage to be eligible to continue their college education while the rest will enter into society[?into society] and hunt for jobs. In order to excel in fierce competition of the job market and be competent for their career, the students must be equipped with trainings or courses enhancing practice in high schools. Therefore, it is highly necessary for schools to provide selective courses or trainings according the requirement of the students prior to college or university education[这句没懂……怎么和大学教育比较优先级了呢？].

个性课程的必要性：针对本地区因材施教和职业教育。
因材施教我觉得很好。但是职业教育个人认为没有说出这种地区不同的特点。全国统一也可以给职业教育。所以这里感觉分论点稍有无力。

In sum, both the uniform national curriculum and selective courses offered by schools are essential for students to achieve wholesomeness of education benefiting themselves as well as the society as a whole.


总的来说很好。内容充实分步展开细致论述有理有据。
我鸡蛋挑骨头乱评了一下，可能因为不少地方太精确了，所以有些看起来好像不甚fit。个人看法，权供参考。
此外语言上运用很好基本没有错误问题。值得学习。

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

谢谢liyue24的认真批改，我正在修改！
“这个和教育有啥关系，全国性的课程怎么就给这个了？而且为啥地方性特色课程就没有？我一度看的以为跑题了”这个真是说得太正确了！！谢谢提醒，我正在反思！
by the way, 你的签名
‘Mathilda:   Is life always this hard, or is it just when you're a kid?
Léon:       Always like this.’
是‘这个杀手不太冷’里面的吧？ 我也很喜欢这部电影^_^

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

谢谢liyue24的认真批改，我已经根据批改意见和自己的总结重写，希望有所提高
修改版也贴在这里，这样后来的G友拍砖可以不必重复～

Should students receive exclusively compulsory courses assigned by the government in their pre-college education? My answer to this question contradicts that of the speaker. Contrary to the speaker, I maintain that curriculums for education under college level should combine the national courses and a variety of the academic disciplines offered by schools.

Admittedly, a portion of compulsory courses required by government should be infused into the subjects of all grades. For one thing, certain uniform lessons given in all schools nationwide assure students to obtain the basic yet essential skills and knowledge necessary for normal social lives. For instance, mathematics of basic level would be found crucial in daily lives such as shopping. Without such skills as calculation it is impossible for people to accomplish even the simplest tasks in modern society. Likewise, computer technology, which has dominated merely every aspect of modern lives, should be informed and trained in schools, thus the students could be competent in their future careers. For another, national courses ensure students to be educated with the basic disciplines and reach comparatively equal level so that the colleges and universities are convenient to arrange courses for students with similar educational background. For further instance one only need to imagine the chaos aroused when the universities attempt courses for various students with uneven educational experience.

Moreover, national courses concerning on the civic education should be required in all schools. As the schools shoulder the major effect on the civic attitude of the children, core curriculum of schools should inform the children of politics and government, enhance education about citizenship responsibilities and emphasize the civic values of our constitutional democracy. To preserve the civil rights, which our forebears fought for, the youngsters need to realize the part they play in society; the preservation of civic values and liberties is directly linked to performed responsibilities, such as political participation, expressing political ideas, voting in public election, voluntary service to the communities and so forth. However, without the establishment of compulsory courses with special emphasis in social studies or literature courses, it is unlikely that the students could manage to become responsible citizens with the desire and capacity to fulfill civic obligations that guarantee a democratic society.

Nevertheless, uniform national curriculum exclusive of selective courses provided by the individual schools tends to be counterproductive to obtain effective education. On the one hand, citizens of diverse regions throughout the nation require different skills or knowledge to adapt into the specific social situations. For instance, locating around the preservation of Indians, the population of state of Indiana may consist of greater proportion of Indians, suggesting the necessity of acquiring courses in history, literature or culture of India. Besides, schools can take advantages of their resources available to achieve superior educational outcomes. Possible is that schools close to the Yellow Stone National Park have accumulated plenty of knowledge or experience on the specific ecosystem in the regions, thus lessons of biology provided in these school might be highlighted with outstanding quality. By contrast, to deprive the right of the schools to select their specialized courses seems a waste of resources. On the other hand, students require trainings or courses to prepare for their future career. As common sense informs us, only a minor rate of senior high school graduates manage to be eligible to continue their college education while the rest will enter into society and hunt for jobs. In order to excel in fierce competition of the job market and be competent for their career, the students must be equipped with trainings or courses enhancing practice in high schools. Additionally, with various requirements of different regions across the country, schools should be approved to select professional courses or training according to the needs in their regions. To be concrete, the Silicon Valley – the center of IT technology – might require schools provide lessons pertaining to computer science or economics, whereas the Buffalo City – a namely place of interest with mild industrialization – should attach importance to history, foreign langue studies or cross-cultural communication techniques for the sake of tourism. Therefore, it is highly necessary for schools to provide selective courses or trainings according the requirement of the students in their pre-college education instead of assigning national curriculum without consideration of the local situations.

In sum, both the uniform national curriculum and selective courses offered by schools are essential for students to achieve wholesomeness of education benefiting themselves as well as the society as a whole.

[ 本帖最后由 shuwenying 于 2007-11-27 09:45 编辑 ]

lestouUID: 2260126

首先,还是继承了以前的风格,文章确实很流利,欣赏ING.
然后这篇文章经过liyue24修改后我基本找不到太大的问题了.
看了你们的思路我更加感到惭愧了,这样的文章也能写出平衡的观点来,而且这么出色,这是我没想到的,学习ING.

还是努力找了几个问题:
1 the preservation of civic values and liberties is directly linked to performed(你确定可以用PERFORM?我查了下字典,好象只能做动词把.你这里是什么意思呢?) responsibilities, such as political participation, expressing political ideas, voting in public election, voluntary service to the communities and so forth.
2.Possible is that 我也认为不对(除非你看过有老外这样用过),可以改成CHANCES ARE THAT这种说法我是见过的
当然还是有问题的,没空一一指出了,任务较重,请见凉

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

possible is that 是表语倒装句型
it is possible that 中，possible 是表语，that后面是表语从句，这种句型可以倒装成
possible is that

lestouUID: 2260126

又羡慕了,每次都用语法分析搞定了.
差距啊,象我这种只会用笨办法,RECITING