ARGUMENT117 JET小组第九次作业-Eva 修改linkcc

jinluevaUID: 2390375

ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."      The speaker claims one should choose tradition and modernization for the reason that tradition and modernization are incompatible. It is true that, in some sense, some people would hold a belief that an individual should choose modernization, while others have an opposing attitude. However, in my opinion, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker's claim that tradition and modernization are incompatible for some reasons substantiated by following discuss.Admittedly, it is through modernization that some traditions were incompatible in current world. With the development of technology, some traditional situations（这个词是不是不太合适啊，可以改成conventions） have changed a lot. In the level of individual, the traditional thought that the status of women is lower than that of men has switched into the modernized thought that the right of men is equal to that of women. In the level of social life, say, in terms of the transportation, modern people have used to taking bus and plane to travel, it is impossible for modern people have a traditional way that people use the horse as their vehicles. According with the modernization, some traditional things increasingly have become incompatible.However, though there is some disadvantage of tradition in the modern world, indeed does tradition (tradition does) play a vital role in the process of modernization. Pay attention to the history of science, it is easily for human people to find that many new science often found on the traditional science. A famous academician (scholar) of Chinese Academy of Science as the head of mathematics at my university once said (and I paraphrase) "It is true that the new technology such as computer, biology, and logic have a immense influence that renews my study of mathematics, while the most important factor to my success still is that I have a sound basic knowledge of traditional mathematics." Without the basic of knowledge of traditions, no modernization of science can become true in the world.Finally but not least(是不是改成last but not least?还是这种说法也可以？), the fundamental reason why I disagree with the speaker is that whether the tradition or modernization, we can not simply deny both them. Nowadays, the world increasing has become（has increasingly become ） complex, so it is necessary to consider the advantage and disadvantage of both tradition and modernization. Consider the problems of environmental protection. If we merely focus on the modernization of society, it is no doubt that the nature, environment, and globe in which human people live will be undoubtedly destroyed.(这个说得有点绝对了吧) If we far attend to the tradition that human maintains the situation of the tradition nature, the individual, society, and nation can not make a great advance. Or consider the way of communicating, due to the modernization of technology, it is convenient for people to communicate with each other by using the Internet and computer. Whereas, it is true that the traditional way of writing in paper seems to be unconvenient inconvenient, the way plays a role that human people can truly learn thought of each other and feel the attention from each others. From above mentioned cases, human people should sufficiently use both tradition and modernization to serve for themselves.In sum, it is through the modernization that the whole world has changed great（greatly）. Nevertheless, we can not deny the importance of tradition which makes the advance of modernization. It is necessary for human people to combine tradition with modernization.

思路蛮清晰的，但语言还有些生硬啊，建议多看一下范文的措辞和句型。

题目：ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores. "Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."字数：494          用时：00:49:26          日期：2008-2-19 9:40:30In this memo, the author claims that by increasing sotres the stock of home office machines , the office-suuplydepartments will become the most profitable componet of sotres. To substantiate this claim, the author cited a survey and points and points that the Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sale in its office-suuply departments in the past. After a close scrutiny, however, there is few evidence showing credible support to this argument.First of all , the threshold problem with the argument is that the survey over 70 percent of the respondents reported that they are required to take more work home with them form the workplace. The survey should be reliable in all respects. However, the author provides no information that how many emlogyees participated in the survey. It is highly possible that thought 10000 employees participated in the survey, only 100 employeess respond the survey. Furthermore, there is few（little）information about the sex, occupation, and age about the respondents. Lacking sufficient information and statistics about the survey, the author can not expect us to take seriously that the over 70 percent of the respondents is well representative of all employees of Valu-mart.这里两个furthermore, 换一个moreover, in addition之类的吧。Furthermore, even assuming over 70 percent of respondents is representative of all employees of Valu-mart, the author can not conclude that stores the stock of home office machines would cause the increase of the sales of office-supply departments increasce. The author commits an" cause-effect-relationship" fallcay. There is no evidence that people have a increasing need for the home office machines. Perhaps, they have plent of home office machines, it is unnecessary for them to buy new home office machines. What is more, by increasing the sale of office-supply departments, there is not only the way that (to) store the stock of home office machines. The Valu-Mart can improve the management and employ experienced employees. Without in details taking account into these possibilities, the author can not draw an conclusion that by stocking the home office machines, the sale of office-supply departments will increase.Finally, the author claims that office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores. It is impossible for us to find analogous information between the office-supply departments and other departments. It is high possible that other departments have more attractive productions and  the sales of any departments far surpass the the sales of office-supply departments. Though the sales of office-supply departments have increased, still can the sales be less than other departments. If the author can not provide enough analogous imformation and statsitscs between the office-supply department and other departments, he or she can not conclude that the office-supply departments is the most profitable component.In sum, the quthor cannot convincc me that office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores. To strengthethsi argument , I would need more statistics about the survey and sufficient evidence that the stocking home office machines will cause the increasing of sale of office-supply departments. Furthermore, the author also provides analogous information between (about) office-supply departments and other departments to rule out abovementioned possibilites which undermine the argument.

要注意细节啊，细节错误太多了，想拼写，标点后面要空一格，单复数，写完可以先粘到word上自己检查一下。
语言有些地方有点??拢??烁芯踔馗础？梢允实钡鼐咛寤?恍??俚憷?邮裁吹摹?/size]

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2008-2-22 00:18 编辑 ]