考试在即,请好心人帮我多修改下上午提交的9月4日的作业,谢谢谢谢啦!!!

layfolkUID: 2418021

   前面的版友已经帮我修改了,可是我这个月21号就考试了,所以很需要高手帮我多修改下,狠狠的批评我的文章.我一定改,多谢了!!!

I consider pepole  car's using will be decreased for about several reasons as below:bbs.gter.net%P!rT'i.W0s? sjM
    Firstly,at the present time ,the oil resource have a high price,which is always increasing so far.As we all know  the car consummers cannot afford the high price of the oil or petrol-the byproduct of the oil-for the long time.And we cannot see a bright future in next twenty years that there will be the proper substites for the oil consuming.So,as a reasonable person, most pepole will choose the other substitute traffic tools for their out going,such as the bicycle for the work,trains for the travel abroad or going to another city,or in some situations.
       Secondly,I deem the car's using will be decreased for the air problem:it is known to us that the cars consuming is one of the main factors of the Global Warming for its air pollution.And most people know the fact through the media such as the newspaper,TV,internet or by way of the education that we should protect our environment and they accept the idea we should do something for air protection,and one of the necessary step is that we can decrease our car's using.And in some coutries,the goverments call for people going out for job by bicycle, walking or by bus.I consider most of the educated people will do their best for the contribution to the enviroment protection,which is not only beneficial for one's own but also good to the afterwards descents!
   Thirdly, as the traffic becomes heavier and heavier,it is not reasonable to waste time on the road to work because of the traffic jam.And it will be proper to choose the other substitues such as by bus,by bicycle,even the walking on foot,if it is not very long from the working place.And as the enviorment problem becomes more and more serious,I consider the governments will encourage the traffic留学,考试substitues using by giving people policy convenients.  k
   Finally,I will give my conclusion that I am very self-confidence of the idea that the car's using will be decreased!\

[ 本帖最后由 layfolk 于 2008-9-5 17:26 编辑 ]

阿泰UID: 209473

我给你改吧:cool:

qawsedUID: 2359935

你和他互改下吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=875590&extra

阿泰UID: 209473

不好意思啊，好久不写作文了:rolleyes:

阿泰UID: 209473

你的作文～:cool:

[ 本帖最后由 阿泰 于 2008-9-5 21:59 编辑 ]

kturyUID: 2274868

我也是21号考 别着急,一步一步来. 有时间帮我看看作业. 链接楼主发在3楼了.
I consider pepole  car's [这个是什么意思?the number of automoblies]using[del] will be[del] decreased[decrease] for about several reasons as below:
你这个开头也太...... 找个模板去.

签证|TOEFL|GRE"_w C}$Z%pn
Firstly,at the present time ,the oil resource have a high price,which is always increasing so far.As we all know  the car consummers cannot afford the high price of the oil or petrol-the byproduct of the oil-[说它没什么意义]for the[a] long time.And we cannot see a bright future in next twenty years that there will be the proper substites for the oil consuming[del].So,as a reasonable person, most pepole will choose the other substitute traffic tools for their out going[the others traffice tools substituting for automoblies when going out.],such as the bicycle for the work,trains for the travel[travelling] abroad or going to another city,or in some situations.
缺少主题句

寄托家园Z$Q]7kJ

Secondly,I deem the car's using will be decreased for the air problem[pollution]:it is known to us that the cars consuming is one of the main factors of the Global Warming for its air pollution.And most people know the fact through the media such as the newspaper,TV,internet or by way of the education [感觉没有用]that we should protect our environment and they accept the idea we should do something for air protection,and one of the necessary step is that we can decrease our car's using.And in some coutries,the goverments call for people going out for job by bicycle, walking or by bus.I consider most of the educated people will do their best for the contribution to the enviroment protection,which is not only beneficial for one's own but also good to the afterwards descents!

有些跑题,题目是问20年后汽车会不会减少. 在你的这段中要说明,汽车给环境带来很大的危害,人们已经对汽车的这种危害采取了措施,比方说 in some coutries,the goverments call for people going out for job by bicycle, walking or by bus, 但是在这方面你谈的较少,你的文中主要是说人们有保护环境的意识.重点是人们已经做了什么!
寄

Thirdly, as the traffic becomes heavier and heavier[the problem of traffic jam is becoming worse],it is not reasonable to waste time on the road to work because of the traffic jam.And it will be proper to choose the other substitues such as by bus,by bicycle,even the walking on foot,if it is not very long from the working place.And as the enviorment problem becomes more and more serious,I consider the governments will encourage the traffic留学,考试substitues using by giving people policy convenients.  k留

学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA0Gv#jXpt(D-lE"M;`
Finally,I will give my conclusion that I am very self-confidence of the idea that the car's using will be decreased!\


问题很多 首先结构不是很好,要先有主题句,然后围绕主题句展开论述.如第三点 主题句: 有些时候汽车已经失去了快速的功能并且给人们造成麻烦[Sometimes automoblies have lost the fuction of rapid speed and brought troubles to the publc]


句式简单,用词重复. 用词可以使用word里面的同义词替换
水平有限,望海涵-Ktury
共同进步,加油!!!

charm_you_80UID: 2427022

请问现在独立作文还考题库里面的185道题吗？

阿泰UID: 209473

范围已经扩大了 不是全部185

layfolkUID: 2418021

太感谢了!
    大家所说的都很中肯啊,我要努力,努力!