COMEON作文小组—— ly8768 10月24日作业

ly8768UID: 2452066

辛苦啦:)

In the era of advanced technology, people have more disposable time than ever before. While enjoying this benefit resulting from industrialization, mankind begin to think about the issue whether people spend too much time on what they are fond of but neglect what the public needs. In my perspective, I agree that innovative technique give the opportunity for people to do what they are interested in; however, hardly can I be convinced of the statement that people should lay priority and allocate more time for what they should do rather than what they prefer to do.

Firstly, interests can inspire people with their full potential. Just as Albert Einstein said that interest is the best teacher, people will perform well in realm of what they enjoy. Let us have a look at he Wright Brothers, they made the first successful flight in the history of human beings in 1903, with their enjoyment of planes. As a result, not only the individual but also the society will benefit. In this manner, the things people are interested in actually include what people should do, but it is presented in the level of the whole society. For instance, a person would like to be a fireman, while the other dreams to be a policeman. They can choose their careers with their enjoyment and it will contribute to the society for both of the occupations are essentially necessary to public. What is more, in this circumstance, people can make full efforts in their careers and consequently it is more efficient for the society. Rarely could individual succeed and create achievement when they work in the field of what they have no enthusiasm on.

In addition, it makes no sense to verify that people spend too much time on things they are in favor of. I concede that people have more leisure time than before because of advanced technologies, yet people can allocate their spare time only after when they fulfill their responsibilities. In this condition, it is unacceptable to say that people fail to spend enough time on their obligations. Despite of more chances people have to do their personal affairs, it is the goal of developed technologies to release human from tremendous work and provide more leisure time to civilians. With the extra time, people can spend more time on enjoyment with their families, and it is helpful for the stability of a family. Thus, the contention that people spend too much time on their personal enjoyment is questioned.

In conclusion, benefits of interests, acceptability of extra leisure time lead me to deny the perspective that people spend too much time on what they like to do rather than what are required.

[ 本帖最后由 ly8768 于 2008-10-25 11:52 编辑 ]

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

mark

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

In the era of advanced technology, people have more disposable time than ever before. While enjoying this benefit resulting from industrialization, mankind/people就足够了…… begin to think about the issue whether people spend too much time on what they are fond of but/while neglect what the public needs. In my perspective, I agree that innovative technique give people opportunity to do things they are interested in/感觉和第一句重复了，可以省略不要; however, hardly can I be convinced of the statement that people should lay priority and allocate more time for what they should do rather than what they prefer to do.

Firstly, interests can inspire people with their full potential/interests can liberate one's full potential. Just as Albert Einstein said that interest is the best teacher, people will perform well in realm of what they enjoy. Let us have a look at he Wright Brothers, they made the first successful flight in the history of human beings in 1903, with their enjoyment/interest of planes. As a result, not only the individual but also the society have benefit from their attempt. In this manner, the things people are interested in actually include what people should do, but it is presented in the level of the whole society. For instance, a person would like to be a fireman, while the other dreams to be a policeman. They can choose their careers according to their own preference and it will contribute to the society for both of ? the occupations are essentially necessary to public. What is more, in this circumstance, people can make full efforts in their careers and consequently it is more efficient for the society. Rarely could individual succeed /一个意思，写一个就好了  in the field without enthusiasm involved.

In addition, it makes no sense/there is no solid evidence verified that people spend too much time on their favorite thing. I concede that people have more leisure time than before because of advanced technologies, yet people allocate their spare time only after when they fulfill their responsibilities. In this condition, it is unacceptable to say that people fail to spend enough time on their obligations. Despite of more chances people have to do their personal affairs, it is the goal of developed technologies to release/emancipate human from tremendous work and provide more leisure time to civilians. With the extra time, people can spend more time on enjoyment with their families, and it is helpful for the stability of a family. Thus, the contention that people spend too much time on their personal enjoyment is questioned.

In conclusion, benefits of interests, acceptability of extra leisure time lead me to deny the perspective that people spend too much time on what they like to do rather than what are required.

第二段你的意思应该是兴趣和工作可统一起来，在第一句点名比较好。另外一个例子其实足够了~
有些是我根据个人的习惯改的~仅供参考~

[ 本帖最后由 jackallen0714 于 2008-10-28 23:56 编辑 ]

ly8768UID: 2452066

谢谢你哦，学到了不少短语和词汇

cleanwater25UID: 2295333

In the era of advanced technology, people have more disposable（这个词我查了词典，你的出发点是好的，但是这个词用来形容钱的，一定要改，建议用available） time than ever before. While enjoying this benefit resulting from industrialization（我觉得这句可以删去，加在第一句后面due to dramatic industrialization）, mankind begin to think about the issue whether people spend too much time on what they are fond of but neglect what the public needs. In my perspective, I agree that innovative technique give（offer更好） the opportunity for people to do what they are interested in; however, hardly can I be convinced of the statement that people should lay priority and allocate more time for what they should do rather than what they prefer to do.

Firstly, interests can inspire people with their full potential. Just as Albert Einstein said that interest is the best teacher, people will perform well in realm of what they enjoy（这句很好）. Let us have a look at he（这个he是打错了的吧，应该是the？） Wright Brothers, they made the first successful flight in the history of human beings in 1903, with（because of我觉得更能显示你的逻辑） their enjoyment of planes. As a result, not only the individual but also the society will benefit. In this manner, the things people are interested in actually include what people should do, but it is presented in the level of the whole society. For instance, a person would like to be a fireman, while the other dreams to be a policeman. They can choose their careers with their enjoyment and it will contribute to the society for both of the occupations are（are去掉，否则就两个谓语了） essentially necessary to public. What is more, in this circumstance, people can make full efforts in their careers and consequently it is more efficient for the society. Rarely could individual succeed and create achievement when they work in the field of what they have no enthusiasm on.bbs.gter.net        p0x@X!k)`
~
留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA7ay^5vF.@        \U
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In addition, it makes no sense to verify that people spend too much time on things they are in favor of. I concede that people have more leisure time than before because of advanced technologies, yet people can allocate their spare time only after when they fulfill their responsibilities. In this condition, it is unacceptable to say that people fail to spend enough time on their obligations. Despite of more chances people have to do their personal affairs, it is the goal of developed technologies to release human from tremendous work and provide more leisure time to civilians(我感觉你要表达的意思是尽管人们现在可以支配很多时间来干自己想干的事情，但是这正是技术的进步想给人们带来的。我觉得这么表达可能更好：No one can deny the fact that the real reason why people always try their best to develop technology is to satisfy their longing to o spend more time to release their pressures from tremendous work.就是说，没人能否认，我们之所以一直在追求技术进步，其真正的原因就是希望能够满足我们能用能多的时间释放我们压力的渴望。). With the extra time, people can spend more time on enjoyment with their families, and it is helpful for the stability of a family. Thus, the contention that people spend too much time on their personal enjoyment is questioned.bbs.gter.net6rS ~Cz%pQ3pK

In conclusion, benefits of interests, acceptability of extra leisure time lead me to deny the perspective that people spend too much time on what they like to do rather than what are required

我看了你的文章后感觉你的观点很好，而且也很有逻辑，但是最大的不足就是总是不能用最恰当的语言表达。最典型的就是第三段那一句，可能是我理解的不对，但是根据你行文的走势来说，你应该表达这个意思。
我觉得第二段有点乱，其实我能感觉到你要表达的是：人们确实用了许多时间娱乐，但是并不代表人们宁可不完成工作也要娱乐，而且也没有证据证明人们不务正业，即使他们确实用了许多时间来放松。但是人们之所以能利用更多时间，不是他们逃避自己该做的事情（用这样的方式来节约时间），而是技术的进步给了他们很多时间。此外放松对于一个人来说是必须的。
如果我正确的理解你第三段想表达的意思的话，我觉得第三段可以拆两段说，一段说人们是因为技术进步而有更多时间放松，而不是不务正业来放松，另一段说人们需要时间放松以及陪陪家人。

不知道你是否满意我的回拍

ly8768UID: 2452066

谢谢你的回拍，你帮我找出了一个我存在的一个很大的问题，在有些时候，我不能用英语表达我的观点。或许我应该多去看看英文方面的文章，多记些短语句型。英语的学习真是一个漫长的过程。非常感谢你批注:handshake