Issue236 第一篇

yangxingUID：2112368

G06.Sally小组作文贴

236"Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful."

1.        努力会成功,举邱吉尔的例子
2.        你不尝试怎么会成功.just do it
3.        过于执著就是一意孤行了


The arguer asserts that work hard is misleading and potential harmful to youth. I concede that if you work in an impossible way, the purpose won't be achieved. And he or she maybe lose heart to the results, then he or she will have a failure future. Whereas, in common sense we know work hard is so essential to youth and could help youth to achieve the success.Try to do it is the first step that you achieve the success, then if you work hard, you have the sufficient condition to be success.


From the history of human being we can easily conclude if you work hard, you will have achievement at the end. Work hard is the previous condition make you to have accomplishment. We know the success isn't easily achieved. Why are you success? You must have much time on it and have more energy on it, even the whole life contribute to the thing which you prefer to do. From much of the great man in the world, we know work hard is more important. In the World War II, We know Winston Churchill is the premier of the Britain. When he was the premier, the British was in the war deeply. He told the British People "This is not the end of the beginning, this is the beginning of the end". The words inspire many people, and then insist on to against the enemies.


Try to do it is another important thing which could lead you to success. If you don't want try it first, not mention it to work hard and to have achievement. We know the electric light is invented by Aderson. He do thousands of experiments for inventing the electric light. If don't want to try, or he don't work hard and lose in the end, we don't know how the world will be now. So the youth must know first thing is just to try it, then work hard on it, then you will be nearly to succeed.


I also agree with the arguer that work hard enough maybe mislead the person and harmed them potentially. After all if you went your own way ,you will have many difficulties. Or maybe the methods which you use to resolve the problem is not suitable. The more you spend time on it, the more you will lose. We don't also know to stimulate youth to work hard, we also educate them to work in the right way. That is to say the methods is more important than work hard in no thoughts. If the thing you do is seems  not accomplished, you must think about it. If the methods have some mistakes or the results can't achieve at the end. We also conclude from some great man of the world. Such as Newton, he has much achievements in the physics, mathematics even the chemistry. We know he is one of the greatest physical scientist in the world, but in his old age he has some fault theoretics which dominate the world many years. We know he believe the god deeply. If we have a little common sense, we could know the god is not exist. However, he was deeply involved in it. Unless he was deeply mislead, even the people who live in the periouds were also harmed. Then the result we know he was failed. From the example, I can conclude if you are in the wrong way, the more you devoted, the more you lose. Maybe even make more people harmed.


In sum, if work hard is right or wrong, we could not too extreme. If it is a right way, we should insist on it and work hard on it. On the opposite, we must think about it.

627字，没有限时阿


可能把第一段改成人们需要受到鼓励人，尤其是在最艰难的时刻的时候可能会更好一点。
每天都要停电，郁闷。希望组长还是帮偶耐心的看看哈,虽然..........:L汗~~
我先把组长的作文Down下了.改好发上来, :D

[ Last edited by 11yaoyao on 2005-12-6 at 09:44 ]

sallyxinduUID：2131253

236"Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful."

1.        努力会成功,举邱吉尔的例子
2.        你不尝试怎么会成功.just do it
觉得楼主的12点都是在说鼓励的内容。而且如果要涉及内容，我觉得12点可以合并成1点。我觉得似乎象你后面说那样说人们需要被鼓励似乎还要好点哈。
3.        过于执著就是一意孤行了


The arguer asserts that work hard is misleading and potential（potentially) harmful to youth.觉得作者好象不是这个意思啊，他并不是说hard working 不好，只是说鼓励人们相信只要努力就有回报可能是错误的。 I concede that if you work in an impossible way, the purpose won't be achieved. And he or she maybe lose heart to the results, then he or she will have a failure future. Whereas, in common sense we know work hard is so essential to youth and could help youth to achieve the success.Try to do it is the first step that you achieve the success, then if you work hard, you have the sufficient condition觉得这个词不是很好，或许premise还更好点。 to be success.
语法和结构都比你写的A好了，但觉得理解作者的观点有点偏差

From the history of human being（beings) we can easily conclude if you work hard, you will have achievement at the end.不要一直用if....,的结构，这样文章的语言太单调，可以说成you will gain achievemetn at the end by working hard) Work hard is the previous condition（that) make(makes) you to make sb do sth have accomplishment. We know the success isn't easily achieved. Why are you success? You must have much time on it and have more energy on it, even the whole life contribute to the thing which you prefer to do. From much of the great man in the world, we know work hard is more important. In the World War II, We know Winston Churchill is the premier of the Britain. When he was the premier, the British was in the war deeply. He told the British People "This is not the end of the beginning, this is the beginning of the end". 很好The words inspire many people, and then insist on to against the enemies.最好再在最后加一个churchill的话是鼓励了人们要hard working，以处处切题，例子不错，呵呵，我也收集起了
Try to do it is another important thing which could lead you to success. If you don't want try it first, not mention it to work hard and to have achievement. We know the electric light is invented by Aderson Edison. He do thousands of experiments for inventing the electric light. If don't want to try, or he don't work hard and lose in the end, 动词动词啊，人称是he!!!!we don't know how the world will be now. So the youth must know thefirst thing is just to try it, then work hard on it, then不要再重复用then 了，改成finally or eventually都比这个好。 you will be nearly to succeed.
觉得这段和上一段都在说自己是怎么努力的，encouragement的作用不大。所以，楼住有点点偏题。
I also agree with the arguer that work hard enough maybe mislead the person and harmed them potentially. 结构有问题，自己再看看After all if you went your own way ,you will have many difficulties. Or maybe the methods which you use to resolve the problem is not suitable. The more you spend time on it, the more you will lose.在这句话前面加个in this case，否则楼主这里的观点太极端了 We don't also（否定中either更好 know to stimulate youth to work hard, we also educate them to work in the right way. That is to say the methods is more important than work hard in no thoughts. If the thing you do is seems  not be accomplished, you must think about it. If the methods have some mistakes or the results can't achieve at the end. 句子结构不对，楼主是想说：如果方法不对最终就不能达到目标吧，该是if teh methods have some mistakes, the results cannnot be achieved at the end/or, the methods shoud be absolutely right or the results canot be achieved.We also conclude from some great man of the world. Such as Newton, he has much achievements in the去掉the，这里是学科前不用官词 physics, mathematics even the chemistry. We know he is one of the greatest physical scientist in the world, but in his old age he has some fault theoretics which dominate the world many years. We know he believe the god deeply. 好象你想说他信上帝导致晚年有很多错误的思想。呵呵，最好不要写哦，，美国人很多都信上帝，ETS也不例外 而且你这个句子放在这里太突兀了，和前后没有联系起来If we have a little common sense, we could know the god is not exist. However, he was deeply involved in it. Unless he was deeply mislead, even the people who live in the periouds were also harmed.句子意思和结构都有问题，自己再检查 Then the result we know he was failed. From the example, I can conclude if you are in the wrong way, the more you devoted, the more you lose. Maybe even make more people harmed.


In sum, if work hard is right or wrong, we could not too extreme.帮你改的：we could not be too extreme in the contentious issue whether hard working is right or wrong, 仅供参考 If it is a right way, we should insist on it and work hard on it. On the opposite, we must think about it.这个立场不坚定，如果写成we must get rid of it immediately 要鲜明得多

总的说，觉得后面比前面好，前面不是很切题，（理由在修改中就已经说了）楼主整个文章中encouragement就没出现过几次
还有，多注意语法，蓝色的都是语法不对的，有些我就没有具体改出来了。楼主是不是很粗心啊？/呵呵，还是强烈推荐看范文
比A写得好，继续加油

sallyxinduUID：2131253

累啊~~~~~~~yangxing考试完了一定请我吃饭，嘿嘿，呵呵

yangxingUID：2112368

一定一定,想吃啥都行,带你去五星级的哈哈.