argument145请指教~~! 互拍恩

virginia730UID: 208873

T_T.....

145 A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

提纲
1 没有证据说明晚上因为打鼾会醒，即使会醒也不表明白天会累。
2 即使白天会累，也没有证据说不会去做运动。

正文：
     The arguer concludes that people who snore should eat less and exercise more so as not to gain weight on the basis that snoring wakes one in the night, thus making him feel tired to do exercise in the day. A close analysis shows it unwarranted to reach such conclusion, which comes bellow.

     Firstly, the arguer states that it is well known those who snore tend to stop breathing frequently in the night, which is open to doubt. There is no definition of "well known", how can anyone define whether a thing is well known or not? Besides, is a well known convention always correct? Suppose it be the fact that snoring people are likely to stop breathing during their sleep, it is unwarranted that they are bound to wake up. Stop breathing for a few seconds can do no harm to human health as is often did when one swims,  No evidence shows that the stop of breathing in one's sleep for a short time will affect  his sleep. Numerous reasons can contribute to waking up in one's sleep and perhaps has nothing to do with snoring. Another obvious flaw lies in its conclusion that those who snore are likely to be tired in the day. Concede the stop of breathing which is caused by snoring does wake one in the night, it is completely unfounded that fatigue should occurs in the daytime. let alone its statement that this "waking up" is unnoticed, which offers no proof that feeling tired in the day is due to waking up in the night, and energetic people in the daytime do not wake up in the night. In sum that it is baseless to assert snoring makes one tired in the day.

     Secondly, assume snoring does make people feel tired in the day, how is the conclusion made that they are unwilling to do exercise? On the contrary, it may motivate them to exercise more since doing exercise always refresh one's mind and body, making him more healthy and energetic. One who feels tired in the day may care more about his health condition and pay more attention to his diet and amount of exercise, thus is less likely to gain weight. Moreover, anyone who snores must eats less and exercise more? This assertion is unsuitable to those who are thin and already doing excessive exercise. And those who are aimed to gain more weight as well.

     In conclusion, in order to be more persuasive. the arguer needs to provide a lot more evidence and actual cases. Otherwise, it is baseless to reach such a conclusion.

[ 本帖最后由 virginia730 于 2006-1-17 14:15 编辑 ]

果小冻UID: 208370

145 A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

提纲
1 没有证据说明晚上因为打鼾会醒，即使会醒也不表明白天会累。
2 即使白天会累，也没有证据说不会去做运动。

正文：
     The arguer concludes that people who snore should eat less and exercise more so as not to gain weight on the basis that snoring wakes one in the night, thus making him feel tired to do exercise in the day. A close analysis shows it unwarranted to reach such conclusion, which comes bellow.[开头简练的说。恩。]

     Firstly, the arguer states that it is well known those who snore tend to stop breathing frequently in the night, which is open to doubt. There is no definition of "well known", how can anyone define whether a thing is well known or not? Besides, is a well known convention always correct? Suppose it be the fact that snoring people are likely to stop breathing during their sleep, it is unwarranted that they are bound to wake up. Stop breathing for a few seconds can do no harm to human health as is often did when one swims,  No evidence shows that the stop of breathing in one's sleep for a short time will affect  his sleep. Numerous reasons can contribute to waking up in one's sleep and perhaps has nothing to do with snoring. Another obvious flaw lies in its conclusion that those who snore are likely to be tired in the day. Concede the stop of breathing which is caused by snoring does wake one in the night, it is completely unfounded that fatigue should occurs in the daytime. let alone its statement that this "waking up" is unnoticed, which offers no proof that feeling tired in the day is due to waking up in the night, and energetic people in the daytime do not wake up in the night. In sum that it is baseless to assert snoring makes one tired in the day.[感觉还是内容和主题句连接的不紧密，恩，有点散的感觉哈，是否应该中心句再明确一点，然后再展开，再总结呢？用词什么的真的挺好的，看着舒服]

     Secondly, assume snoring does make people feel tired in the day, how is the conclusion made that they are unwilling to do exercise? On the contrary, it may motivate them to exercise more since doing exercise always refresh one's mind and body, making him more healthy and energetic. One who feels tired in the day may care more about his health condition and pay more attention to his diet and amount of exercise, thus is less likely to gain weight. Moreover, anyone who snores must eats less and exercise more? This assertion is unsuitable to those who are thin and already doing excessive exercise. And those who are aimed to gain more weight as well.[感觉好象没有说到点子上，问句的方法是新颖的说，但好象没有充分展开]

     In conclusion, in order to be more persuasive. the arguer needs to provide a lot more evidence and actual cases. Otherwise, it is baseless to reach such a conclusion.[这个结尾也单薄了点哈]

果小冻UID: 208370

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virginia730UID: 208873

谢谢小小~!!
我发现自己的argument写得不是一般的烂...
学习~~~小小的