Issue83 kito小组leedgen的作业，尽情拍，谢谢

leedgenUID：160823

83 "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
提纲：同意
1．Wilderness是很多动植物的生存之处，为了保护物种的多样性，这些wilderness应该得到保护
2．保护wilderness实际上对地球，人类本身也是有好处的。
3．政府在保护publicly owned wilderness areas是最有力度的，虽然有许多环境机构在尽力保护这些地方，但是作用很小。

Do you know that about millions of trees are cut every hour in tropical rainforests? Do you know that we lose thousands of species every year? The significant damage caused by human activities to ecosystems and biome worldwide has been a growing public concern nowadays, and I totally agree with the speaker on the grounds that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state to protect and preserve those areas for future generations.

Wilderness areas are the habitats of various wildlives and preserving these areas will definitely benefit both biotic and abiotic things living there. The diversity of living creatures and vegetations is usually appreciated by us, human beings, yet the continuingly decreasing numbers of species still do not got much attention. With the development of the human civilization, many ecological habitats throughout the world were destroyed beyond hope of repair. There is a concrete example: widespread clear cutting has already destroyed 80 per cent of British Columbia's large rainforest valleys. More endangered forests and ancient trees are cut down, destroying critical habitat fro terrestrial species, such as deer, wolves and grizzly bears that rely on the forest fro shelter and food. Lacking of proper habitats, myriads of species are disappearing every minute in the world and we, human species, can never find them again. Therefore, preserving wilderness areas can protect lots of species from extinction and restore the harmony of the nature.

A further crucial aspect of protecting wilderness areas is that ecosystems interact with each other in complex ways that human can not completely understand, and preserving wilderness areas are ultimately beneficial to the whole human species. The devastation that human beings has caused though the exploitation of natural resources and the sake of making money are currently disturbing the global ecology of our blue planet which will have serious repercussions in the future. As we all know, wilderness areas are integral to a healthy planet and its ability to support life. They, like tropical forests, regulate climate, are a deterrent against the greenhouse effect, contain edible food crops and other resources and prevent impoverishment and famine. In every sense, a standing wilderness supplies more economic wealth than if it were damaged. Government taking no actions to preserve wilderness areas, more species of organisms will become extinct without ever being discovered, and potential forms of medicine will die with them. Imagine losing the potential cure for cancer or AIDS that may have been found in an undiscovered plant from these wilderness areas, and we, human beings, could not pay for this significant lost.

While glad to find many groups or organizations sponsored by environmentalists to protect wilderness areas, we know they are powerless to make great contributions to the protection. However, until long-term protection and a more sustainable approach to preservation is in place, these remote areas remain under danger. Government is the most effective to deal with this worldwide issue and the advocation that the government should take the responsibility to preserve wilderness areas makes sense.

Preserving wilderness areas, in a nutshell, will do much good to the diversity of wildlives, the global environment，the health of the planet Earth as well as the human beings. It is high time that government took actions to protect wilderness areas from the damage of human activities before it is too late.

谢谢大家

bunnymz2005UID：2146758

Issue83 kito小组leedgen的作业，尽情拍，谢谢

83 "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
提纲：同意
1．Wilderness是很多动植物的生存之处，为了保护物种的多样性，这些wilderness应该得到保护
2．保护wilderness实际上对地球，人类本身也是有好处的。
3．政府在保护publicly owned wilderness areas是最有力度的，虽然有许多环境机构在尽力保护这些地方，但是作用很小。

Do you know that about millions of trees are cut every hour in tropical rainforests? Do you know that we lose thousands of species every year? The significant damage caused by human activities to ecosystems and biome（呵呵，第一次见到这个词哦~~~） worldwide has been a growing public concern nowadays, and I totally agree with the speaker on the grounds that（学习！这么好用的短语我都给忘了） government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state to protect and preserve those areas for future generations.（这句只说下一代不妥，不只是下一代啊，还有对于现在的人类呢？）这段的问题首先是前三个问句，看着是很创新，但实际上并没有很好的回应题目，题目是说政府应不应该保护荒地，而你这几句有点呼吁大家环保的意味了。还有Issue中尽量不要出现you的字样，看似亲切，但是应该注意的是Issue是学术类的文章，很讲究严谨。第二个问题就是Thesis也就是你的观点不能很好的总领全文）
Wilderness areas are the habitats of various wildlives（wild lives） and preserving these areas will definitely benefit both biotic and abiotic things（狂专业的，建议附加写文章的时候适当解释） living there. The diversity of living creatures and vegetations is usually appreciated by us, human beings, yet the continuingly decreasing numbers of species still do not got much attention.（这句话什么意思？） With the development of the human civilization, many ecological habitats throughout the world were destroyed beyond hope of repair（我现在手边没有大的字典，搞不清楚有没有这个短语，只好问问你啦，为啥读起来怪怪的？请教）. There is a concrete example: widespread clear cutting has already destroyed 80 per cent of British Columbia's large rainforest valleys. More endangered forests and ancient trees are cut down, destroying critical habitat fro terrestrial species, such as deer, wolves and grizzly bears that rely on the forest fro shelter and food. Lacking of proper habitats, myriads of species are disappearing every minute in the world and we, human species, can never find them again. Therefore, preserving wilderness areas can protect lots of species from extinction and restore the harmony of the nature.
这段的问题主要是例子，例子还算贴切，但是分析不够，物种少了，人类为啥就得保护呀？政府为啥得保护呀？把后果说说，这不就有字数啦；另外，段首的说理的句子几乎没有什么联系，好像是拼到一起的，应该再把逻辑顺一下。

A further crucial aspect of protecting wilderness areas is that ecosystems interact with each other in complex ways that human can not completely understand（不可知论者？）, and preserving wilderness areas are ultimately beneficial to the whole human species. The devastation that human beings has caused though（through） the exploitation of natural resources and the sake of making money are currently disturbing the global ecology of our blue planet which will have serious repercussions in the future. As we all know, wilderness areas are integral to a healthy planet and its ability to support life. They, like tropical forests（rainforest）, regulate climate, are a deterrent against the greenhouse effect, contain edible food crops and other resources and prevent impoverishment and famine. In every sense, a standing wilderness supplies more economic wealth than if it were damaged(这句话没看明白). Government taking no actions to preserve wilderness areas, more species of organisms will become extinct without ever being discovered, and potential forms of medicine will die with them. Imagine losing the potential cure for cancer or AIDS that may have been found in an undiscovered plant from these wilderness areas, and we, human beings, could not pay for this significant lost.

（这段的TS不好，应该以政府作为开头）While glad to find many groups or organizations sponsored by environmentalists to protect wilderness areas, we know they are powerless to make great contributions to the protection. However, until long-term protection and a more sustainable approach to preservation is in place, these remote areas remain under（in） danger. Government is the most effective to deal with this worldwide issue and the advocation that the government should take the responsibility to preserve wilderness areas makes sense.

Preserving wilderness areas, in a nutshell, will do much good to the diversity of wildlives, the global environment，the health of the planet Earth as well as the human beings. It is high time that government took actions to protect wilderness areas from the damage of human activities before it is too late.

后面我没太细看，问题很多，我就直说了：
1．        段落的TS不明确，跟提纲不符
2．        段落的说理部分也就是TS之后的几句话没有逻辑联系，显然是想到什么写的什么。
3．        句与句之间缺乏必要的过渡，这个问题很严重。
4．        不要挑难词用，表达明白最重要，狂专业的词汇就更不要用。
5．        句式太散，中间的插入成分和非限定性的定语从句太多以及同位语，许多是没有必要的。掌握得不好反而还不如简单句来得明白。
综上，我就结论是重写，一定要重写。
PS：限时写的吧，不要紧，慢慢来，一定会成功的，加油！^-^

leedgenUID：160823

谢谢小花，指出了那么多错，而且这篇还不是限时的，真真狂受打击啊，不过我的承受能力很强，我，我一定打起精神重写一遍去

再次谢谢花花，我正在改你的这篇呢

其实你说的那几个难词和专业词都是网上抄来的，我是写不出来的，呜呜呜

还有beyond hope of repair不是“无法修复，无法恢复”的意思吗？我是想这么表达来着