Argument200 kito小组leedgen的作业，谢谢大家帮我看啦

leedgenUID：160823

200  Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

提纲：
1）统计数据存在问题，关于统计男女人数，何时何地等等关键信息都没有提供。

2）从统计数据过早得出结论：男人看牙医更容易比女人感到痛苦。即使统计数据有效地说明了男人看牙时更容易比女人晕倒，这也未必说明男人对看牙更容易感到痛苦。女人有可能比男人更痛苦，她们由于害怕就干脆不去看牙医。(这段很不会论证啊，大家指导一下吧)

3）最后建议牙医锁定男病人为主要目标做广告，这很unfair，不应该忽视女病人，而且很有可能潜在的有牙问题的女人比男人多多了。另外，以作者基于自己不准确的分析得出广告要强调麻醉技术和对病人痛苦的敏感来吸引顾客，这是毫无根据的，并且也未必奏效，他们可能更多地关注的是医生的诊断水平，卫生的环境和治疗的价格等因素。


The argument is not so cogent as it stands. Basing on statistic collected from dentists and a brief analysis, the arguer suggests that dentists should make advertisement aiming at the male consumer and highlighting their effective anesthetic techniques and their staff’s sensitivity to suffering patients. Although the suggestions sounds appealing, I am afraid that it suffers from several main flaws for the problematic statistic and the presumptuous analysis.

Primarily, the indication from the statistic collected from dentists is open to doubt since there is no concrete evidence concerning the statistic provided in the argument. For instance, the arguer does not present the respective numbers of men and women going to visit the dentist, which is in deed the most crucial element for a valid statistic. Besides, the arguer also fails to provide us the significant factors that when the data collected is about and what particular districts the patients are living in. It is most likely that the data is actually too out-dated to lend support to the conclusion. Moreover, it is high possible that the statistic is collected from a particular area, and if this is the case, the statistic is not suitable for the author to make suggestion to dentists in other places.

In addition, it is hasty to conclude from the problematic statistic that men are more likely to be distressed about seeing the dentists than women. Even if the statistic is reliable to indicate that more men than women faint when seeing dentists, there is no guarantee that men are more likely to be nervous. It is very likely that women are more distressed about visiting dentists so that they decide not to have dental work done. So without further information with regard to the real feeling in both men and women who have tooth problems, it is totally unwarranted to assert that men are more likely to feel distressed while visiting dentists.

Last but not least, even if we concede that the statistic and analysis is reliable, it does not necessarily follow that dentists should target only the male consumer. The potential female consumers might be much more than male ones. Lacking solid information concerning this factor, It is unfair to neglect the female consumer. And it is also presumptuous to attract patients by emphasizing on their anesthetics techniques and the sensitivity to the nervous or suffering patients. The most important points that patients actually care about are perhaps the quality of their treatment, the hygeian environment and the prices. Therefore, more information regarding to the above factors are needed to make such kind of conclusion as the arguer does.

On the final analysis, it is groundless for the speaker to decide what patients dentists should aim at and what should be laid emphasis on in their advertisement to attract patients, just basing on a statistic which is possibly invalid at all. To make the suggestion more persuasive, more critical evidence proving that male patients are more than female patients and what patients really care about while visiting dentists, is needed.


谢谢大家，今天作业完成了:L

bunnymz2005UID：2146758

Argument200 kito小组leedgen的作业，谢谢大家帮我看啦

200  Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

提纲：
1）统计数据存在问题，关于统计男女人数，何时何地等等关键信息都没有提供。

2）从统计数据过早得出结论：男人看牙医更容易比女人感到痛苦。即使统计数据有效地说明了男人看牙时更容易比女人晕倒，这也未必说明男人对看牙更容易感到痛苦。女人有可能比男人更痛苦，她们由于害怕就干脆不去看牙医。(这段很不会论证啊，大家指导一下吧)
(这里我是这样想的：首先，我们注意到有一个麻醉剂的问题， 一般来说，做牙齿手术或诊疗都要进行麻醉的，这就牵涉到麻醉剂的效果问题，可能不麻醉之前没有差别的，但是很可能麻醉剂对于男性的作用相对比较小，这样一来，便不是因为男性更容易感到疼痛而导致昏厥而是因为麻醉剂对男性的作用较小。还有一点，在进行男女谁更容易感到疼痛得时候，必须要针对同一种治疗或手术，如果这个条件不满足，比较就是没有意义的。你可以说，男性和女性所接受的手术是不一样的，男性接受比较大的手术，需要拔牙之类的，而女性可能只是美白一下牙齿，这样的情况自然前者比较疼。至于你提到的女人可能比男人更怕疼，因而她们少去或不去看牙医这一点，想得很好，我认为把它放到第一段用来说明统计的人数种女性本身就比较少，因为她们都害怕，干脆就不去了。这样统计中的男性数目多，而女性少，得出昏厥数目是三倍的结论也就不足为奇了。)
3）后建议牙医锁定男病人为主要目标做广告，这很unfair，不应该忽视女病人，而且很有可能潜在的有牙问题的女人比男人多多了。另外，以作者基于自己不准确的分析得出广告要强调麻醉技术和对病人痛苦的敏感来吸引顾客，这是毫无根据的，并且也未必奏效，他们可能更多地关注的是医生的诊断水平，卫生的环境和治疗的价格等因素。


The argument is not so cogent as it stands. Basing on statistic collected from dentists and a brief analysis, the arguer suggests that dentists should make advertisement aiming at the male consumer and highlighting their effective anesthetic techniques and their staff’s sensitivity to suffering patients. Although the suggestions（suggestion） sounds appealing, I am afraid that it suffers from several main flaws for the problematic statistic and the presumptuous analysis.（这个地方可以这么用么？）

Primarily, the indication from the statistic collected from dentists is open to doubt（the statistics, collected from dentists, is open to doubt ）since there is no concrete evidence concerning the statistic(s)provided in the argument. For instance, the arguer does not present the respective numbers of men and women going to visit the dentist, which is in deed the most crucial element for a valid statistic. Besides, the arguer also fails to provide us the significant factors that when the data collected is about (when is the data collected) and what particular districts the patients are living in. It is most likely that the data is actually too out-dated to lend (any) support to the conclusion. Moreover, it is high(ly)possible that the statistic is collected from a particular area, and if this is the case, the statistics is(are)not suitable for the author to make suggestion to dentists in other places.(这句总结有点偏，你可以说，the author cannot convince me of the accuracy of the statistics cited in this argument.)(本段可以再细致一些，比如你说不知道男女各自的总数，你举具体的数字说明虽然faint的男是女的三倍，但是因为就诊的男性病人太多了，以至于在男性中昏厥的比例是小于女性昏厥的比例的。你说理有一些空洞了)
In addition, it is hasty （换掉这个词）to conclude from the problematic statistic that men are more likely to be distressed about seeing the dentists than women. Even if the statistic is reliable to indicate that more men than women faint when seeing dentists, there is no guarantee that men are more likely to be nervous（似乎文中是distress，与nervous不同）. It is very likely that women are more distressed about visiting dentists so that they decide not to have dental work done. So without further information with regard to the real feeling in both men and women who have tooth problems, it is totally unwarranted to assert that men are more likely to feel distressed while visiting dentists.

Last but not least, even if we concede that the statistic and analysis is reliable, it does not necessarily follow that dentists should target only the male consumer. The potential female consumers might be much more than male ones.（还是细节的问题，这里你完全可以再写几句，你前边不是说了么，女人可能更怕疼，如果把这些怕疼的女性吸引过来可能会有更大的利润。） Lacking solid information concerning this factor, It is unfair to neglect the female consumer. And it is also presumptuous to attract patients by emphasizing on their anesthetics techniques and the sensitivity to the nervous or suffering patients. The most important points that patients actually care about are perhaps the quality of their treatment, the hygeian（去掉） environment and the prices. Therefore, more information regarding to the above factors are needed to make such kind of conclusion as the arguer does.

On the final analysis, it is groundless for the speaker to decide what patients dentists should aim at and what should be laid emphasis on in their advertisement to attract patients, just basing on a statistic which is possibly invalid at all. To make the suggestion more persuasive, more critical evidence proving that male patients are more than female patients and what patients really care about while visiting dentists, is needed.
不好意思，这么久了才给你改~~~~
我觉得你这篇错误批得还不到位，细节问题是其中比较突出的一个问题。批的时候不需要想得太全面了，但是一定要把你想到的写得清晰明白深入透彻，这样就行了。加油哦，希望你过年期间能悟出一些东西，大家一起交流哦，呵呵~~~~

[ 本帖最后由 bunnymz2005 于 2006-1-31 10:15 编辑 ]