issue154 第三次写啦,猛拍（K站队1.12）

paopaofynUID: 2124302

TOPIC：ISSUE 145 - "A crucial test of character is whether one is able to adapt to changing social conventions without sacrificing one's principles."

教育的目的，为社会培养出有用的人才，当他们走出社会时，可以为大众服务。三者应当通力协作。
1、父母的作用
关心孩子
父母最了解自己的孩子，知道孩子的性格、强项与弱项，于PA交流,参与到学校教育中，有助于孩子更好的成长，eg, Hyde School
2、社区的作用
a． 学到了很多学校学不到的东西
高中之前,几乎什么活动都不参加，一心考大学与社会接触很少，所以很多东西不明白。Tough I can get a high score上大学以后，参加自愿者活动such as community services as a tutor of the children in the community，do part-time jobs, to know the real world around us, student union
b. 学校里所学的知识有了用武之地

Should parents and communities be involved in the local schools? I believe that parents, communities and professional educators should work together to educate the children.

In the first place, the parents will do a great job when they participate the school education. They know more specific of their children, such as what their character is, which courses they like, and which they do not. So if they were involved in the local school, communicate with the professional educators periodly, then the development of the children will be much better. In addition, parents always play a significant role in their children's growth. A child always learns from her or his parents' word and acts. Hyde School is a good example of making the full use of the parents' function in a child's education. They takes a parents-students-teachers method to help the students to develop their own special character which attach much importance to the importance to the role of parents, and this have attained a great success in their education and are greatly welcomed by the parents and children.

In the second place, when communities are involved in education, they can teach us many things we cannot get in the school, which the professional educators may tell us in the classes but cannot be understood due to the lack of practice. When I was in my high school, I just busy studying every day in order to go to study in a famous university, without taking part in any community services. So I am nothing but a girl who knows how to get a high score. When I entered the university, the life changed completely different because of my participant. in the society. Besides working hard to get a outstanding performance in my courses, I have been doing part-time jobs, once acted as a volunteer worker in some international conferences which held in Shanghai, and still is a tutor of the children in the communities for free until now. These completely enrich my life as a student, and I have learned a lot from them, such as how to communicate with others, express yourself correctly, what kind of person society need, and we should help others and so on, which I cannot get when I was in my high school without the participate in the community. My vivid example indicates that what a great role communities has play.

In addition, communities also provide a place where the children can practice what they have learned. There are some limits during the learning of the professional educators to students. When the educators teach students how to solve mathematic problems, how to operate computers, how to deal with something they may face. But if they just make use of these to take exams, then they would be totally useless, and it will be a tragedy for our society. But if communicates are involved in, the case will be totally different. The children can use what they learned to help others, to do something they are able to, which in turn will be helpful to both the communities and the children’s growth.

In sum, education aims at producing students who can contribute to the society, parents and communities also play a great role in school education as important as the professional educators. Due to their efforts, the students can receive a complete education.

larrybirdhrUID: 208050

Should parents and communities be involved in the local schools? I believe that parents, communities and professional educators should work together to educate the children.
开头很好 言简意赅 似乎老外很喜欢这种开头
In the first place, the parents will do a great job when they participate (不及物动词要加in) the school education. They know more specific of their children, such as what their character is, which courses they like, and which they do not(我能明白你的意思但建议写全). So if they were involved in the local school, communicate(communicating) with the professional educators periodly(periodically), then the development of the children will be much better. In addition, parents always play a significant role in their children's growth. A child always learns from her or his parents' word and acts. Hyde School is a good example of making the full use of the parents' function in a child's education. They takes a parents-students-teachers method to help the students to develop their own special character which attach much importance to the importance to(打了两遍？) the role of parents, and this have attained a great success in their education and are greatly welcomed by the parents and children.
例子很到位 赞 这段有理有据 论述清晰
In the second place, when communities are involved in education, they can teach us many things we cannot get in the school, which the professional educators may tell us in the classes but cannot be understood due to the lack of practice. When I was in my high school, I just busy studying every day in order to go to study in a famous university, without taking part in any community services. So I am nothing but a girl who knows how to get a high score. When I entered the university, the life changed completely different because of my participant. in the society. Besides working hard to get a(an) outstanding performance in my courses, I have been doing part-time jobs, once acted as a volunteer worker in some international conferences which held in Shanghai, and still is a tutor of the children in the communities for free until now. These completely enrich my life as a student, and I have learned a lot from them, such as how to communicate with others, express yourself correctly, what kind of person society need, and we should help others and so on, which I cannot get when I was in my high school without the participate in the community. My vivid example indicates that what a great role communities has play.
这段小错误很少 比上段好 但是我觉得你的例子太长了 能否短些 比如你参加的活动写一两个就足以 还有要突出你的收获而非你做了什么 你觉得呢 可以一起探讨
In addition, communities also provide a place where the children can practice what they have learned. There are some limits during the learning of the professional educators to students. When the educators teach students how to solve mathematic problems, how to operate computers, how to deal with something they may face. But if they just make use of these to take exams(put them into practice 是否更好), then they would be totally useless, and it will be a tragedy for our society.(tragedy有些过火waste 是否更好) But if communicates are involved in, the case will be totally different. The children can use what they learned to help others, to do something they are able to, which in turn will be helpful to both the communities and the children’s growth.
这段的例子很简洁 不错 展开的很清楚

In sum, education aims at producing students who can contribute to the society,(这加个衔接词会更连贯) parents and communities also play a great role in school education as important as the professional educators. Due to their efforts, the students can receive a complete education.
结尾很简练
总的来说 抓住一方面开始攻击思路很清楚 思路顺畅 逻辑性较强 但有时语言不够简洁
用词不够准确 加油
欢迎为我提意见
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1


[ 本帖最后由 larrybirdhr 于 2006-2-14 02:31 编辑 ]

paopaofynUID: 2124302

谢谢你的批改，我上网不是太方便，有空会去看看的
加油:)