5T同主题写作,topic 5,路过的请进来拍几砖.今天,你拍(板儿砖)了吗?

eri-catUID: 2184767

用了58分钟，晕，都是没准备模版的缘故，还没写过这类topic很多句子要当场构思啊。哎,没能加如任何小组,来晚了啊,有愿意结对子互助的吗?
5.A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

Whether it is acceptable to build a large factory in my community, my inclination is negative, after taking several aspects of the factory into account. My arguments are listed as follows.

Undoubtedly, we can benefit a lot to have a factory built in our community from many respects. First of all, the factory will provide lots of working position for the unemployed people, which can alleviate the problem of the high rate of the unemployment. Offered a job, many people in the poverty situation may lead a better live than before when they are unemployed. What’s more, the factory is not just a job provider, but also a possible compelling force to local economy that the economic activities will likely happen more frequently. As a result, the economy is more active than the time before it is built.

Just like a coin have two sides, surely, the disadvantages are unavoidable. For my community is a large living district in the downtown area, consequently, if a factory is built here, it also brings us a serious environment problem which would greatly affect people’s life. Whichever the type of the factory is, nobody can guarantee that it is total environment friendly. During the process of the factory’s daily operation, it would produce a lot of solid or liquid wastes, as the by-product of its contribution to the economy. And The inevitable noise made by the factory, would deliver a bad influence to the people’s rest around the factory area.

Although the disadvantage of building a factory is critical in the city area, we can not just reject it completely. And there is a flexible solution to alleviate the collusion between the need of the economy and the environment protection in the city. We can build the factory in the edge of the city, the suburb area, or build it in the satellite city in place of its original design.

To build a factory brings us many advantages, such as more job vacancies and the compelling power to economy, coincide with critical environment problem. As I live in a large living district in the downtown area, I don’t think to build a factory in my community is an excellent choice about its place where it will be built.

深蓝深圳UID: 2118855

Whether it is acceptable to build a large factory in my community, my inclination is negative[后面应加入to the idea。Whether...community是the idea的同位语.], after taking several aspects of the factory into account. [此句话的语序最好为After...,my inclination is...whether it is....以避免头重脚轻]My arguments are listed as follows.

Undoubtedly, we can benefit a lot to have[to have最好改为from having.因为词组benefit from doing sth.] a factory built in our community from many respects. First of all, the factory will provide lots of working position[缺少s] for the unemployed people, which can alleviate the problem of the high rate of the unemployment.[此句中,the problem of和the high rate of两个词组稍显重复,建议删去the high rate of the] Offered a job, many people in the poverty situation may lead a better live than before when they are unemployed[when they are unemployed可删去]. What’s more, the factory is not just a job provider, but also a possible compelling force to local economy that the economic activities will likely happen more frequently. As a result, the economy is more active than the time before it is built.

Just like a coin have two sides, surely, the disadvantages are unavoidable. For[应改为Since.因为for在表原因是,往往表示推测,如"It may rain yesterday for the road is wet this morning"] my community is a large living district in the downtown area, consequently, if a factory is built here, it[缺will.并将后文的brings改为bring] also brings us a serious environment[应为形容词environmental] problem which would greatly affect people’s life. Whichever the type of the factory is, nobody can guarantee that it is total environment friendly[建议改为friendly to environment totally]. During the process of the factory’s daily operation, it would produce a lot of solid or[建议改为and] liquid wastes, as the by-product of its contribution to the economy. And The inevitable noise made by the factory, would deliver a bad influence to the people’s rest [建议加入who live] around the factory area.

Although the disadvantage[缺s] of building a factory is critical in the city area, we can not just reject it completely. And there is a flexible solution to alleviate the collusion between the need of the economy and the environment protection in the city. We can build the factory in the edge of the city, the suburb area, or build it in the satellite city in place of its original design.[个人感觉这一段的存在使全文的逻辑有些混乱.建议将它放置在全文的最后一段的开头.即在最后一段采用这样的逻辑:"虽然我认为可以用以下方法改进工厂的设置,如XX方法,而且工厂也能带给我们好处...但在总体上,由于工厂有XX坏处,所以我依然不同意在建立工厂.]

To build a factory brings us many advantages, such as [应加入providing,动名词] more job vacancies and the compelling power to economy, coincide with critical environment problem. As I live in a large living district in the downtown area, I don’t think to build a factory in my community is an excellent choice about its place where it will be built[my community与about its place where it will be built重复.建议删去后者].



感觉LZ总体写得不错:)结构比较清晰,用词老到，句子结构也体现出了语言功底。但建议尽量避免因为语法错误而降低了可读性，并注意句子的流畅性：）
GOOD JOB！继续加油！
祝5T成功！
^_______^

eri-catUID: 2184767

受教了,感谢万千。修改内容很中肯，仔细研读。

语法确实是我的弱项啊~努力弥补中

深蓝深圳UID: 2118855

原帖由 eri-cat 于 2006-4-12 06:42 发表
受教了,感谢万千。修改内容很中肯，仔细研读。

语法确实是我的弱项啊~努力弥补中

不谢不谢^_^
其实只要再细心一些并多检查几次，LZ就能避免了绝大多数的小错误了：）
相信你能做得很好。加油：）