同题第一期作文 请指教~

微末三月UID: 205072

A recent announcement about the construction of a new factory has become the focus of the public. Weighing the advantages of this activity against the disadvantage involved, I completely agree with the statement that we’ll benefit more from this construction over the following side effects.

To begin with, it will provide a great deal of jobs to set up and operate a new factory. Thus, the local inhabitants will find their position in new factory without going out of town to search. At the same time, more residents near our community attracted by these employment opportunities will come into our town. In that case, with the high circulation in vital communication line, it helps to build more roads to improve the local transportation.

In the second place, to build a new factory will bring us more convenience. With the increase of the income, the local residents will lead a more comfortable life and have extra money to purchase. In other words, the construction of a new factory can stimulate the economic development. New shopping center and restaurant will begin to appear. In addition, since more and more people are attracted to our town, much sharper the competitions will be. In order to lead a positive competitive circulation, the university and new library will be set up, from which people can get their further education. It helps wipe out illiteracy and give the poor-educated an access to improve not only their skills but also confidence and self-esteem.

However, seldom can a factory be established without contaminating the living space of our town’s residents to some degree. For instance, it may emit industrial sewage or waste gas. In this regard, I suggest that the factory should employ a set of sewage disposal equipments as well as set a system to recycle the chemical-waste in order to minimize the level of pollution.

As the old say that “do not stop eating for fear of choking”. Despite the side effects arising from this development, the construction of new factory will be welcomed for it is beneficial to improve local residents’ quality of life and is conductive to the further development of the neighborhood.


第二篇TWE,写得很吃力,脑细胞阵亡一片,请大家帮忙改改吧...:)

[ 本帖最后由 微末三月 于 2006-4-15 16:26 编辑 ]

微末三月UID: 205072

自己抬一下...

xieleileiUID: 2154222

At the same time, more residents near our community attracted by these employment opportunities will come into our town,我觉得语序有点感觉变扭,可以改成At the same time, more residents near our community will be attracted to our town for  these employment opportunities.
In the second place, to build a new factory will bring us more convenience.我感觉这句话有点泛，可以写得更具体一点，另外我觉得增加工作机会就是和收入的增加联系在一起的，看能不能把这个放在上面，当然是我的个人看法。
In addition, since more and more people are attracted to our town, much sharper the competitions will be. In order to lead a positive competitive circulation, the university and new library will be set up, from which people can get their further education. It helps wipe out illiteracy and give the poor-educated an access to improve not only their skills but also confidence and self-esteem.这一段就是感觉应该写的贴近主题一点，有点扯远了的感觉。我想优点应该可以写比如说增加当地人的工作技能，增加税收等比较直接的。
总体来说我感觉lz的语言还是不错的，词汇和句势都不错，就是在整体文章的结构和论点论据的支持上改进一下。
最后感谢lz对我的文章的修改，谢谢。