topic15痛苦迷茫中，怎么都写不好，恳请赐教

夜一UID: 2130338

写到最后，觉得始终无话可说，还不到300字
前几次同主题还没有出现过这种情况，虽然看到斑竹给出了很多提示，就是不知道怎么写，这种人际关系的题目。。。
先贴出来，恳请大家赐教，我自己也继续思考去

Topic: Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific reasons and examples in your opinion.

We live in an interdependent society, and neighbors are the people who live near us. We greet them in the morning, and chat with them in the evening. We look for good neighbors, and admire people who have good neighbors, as we want to live happily and comfortably. According to my opinion, a good neighbor seldom causes unnecessary problems, but often shows kindness.

The basic quality of a good neighbor is the ability to avoid unnecessary problems. Neither does a good neighbor play music loudly during examination weeks, nor does him smoke in front of others’ children. Instead of asking for changes, a good neighbor carries out the right amount of money when handing in public fees. Rather than raising dispute, a good neighbor asks for permission before planting trees or flowers in the community. A good neighbor behaves careful enough in order not to bother others, but make things operate well in the neighborhood. With a good neighbor, we do not worry about unexpected quarrellings or complaints.

Besides, a good neighbor is kind-hearted. When one is caught in the rain, a good neighbor shares his umbrella. When one carries heavy bags home, a good neighbor offers her a ride. When a child is knocked out, a good neighbor invites him in and provides him tea and biscuits. When a housewife comes down with a headache, and happens to stay at home alone, a good neighbor cooks a bowl of hot porridge for her. A good neighbor is sensitive to others’ little day-to-day problems, and will not stand by if he can help them. With a good neighbor, we are not afraid of sudden changes or difficulties in our daily life.

Therefore, a good neighbor, who contributes to our happy and comfortable lives, is careful and kind-hearted. A good neighbor does not only prevent unnecessary problems, but is willing to solve others’ problems.

在斑竹的提醒下把第三段稍稍修改了一下，加了一些东西，觉得比较好看一点了：）不像开始那样感觉瘦巴巴的

今天又改了一下第二段的举例，这样应该表达得比较清楚，不会引起歧义了
同主题真的都是些特别厉害的文，考试前一定要统统拿来温习

[ 本帖最后由 夜一 于 2006-5-1 15:07 编辑 ]

yanhuangbabyUID: 178305

其实感觉你的第3段写得很好，可是一眼看去貌似少了举例
试一下用for example这些字眼
而且，举例的话，你也不妨回忆一下自己曾经遇到的好邻居，
说说他是怎么做的，从而举例

夜一UID: 2130338

大谢斑竹
的确是，举例的话，内容就会丰富很多了，字数的问题也迎刃而解
说起来我一直没怎么用过for example之类的字眼呢，惭愧啊惭愧

lanccyUID: 2156906

其实写得蛮不错的。这篇文章我已经想了N久了，从第一期同题写作要求列提纲就开始了，也是和楼主同样的问题。想不到好例子……楼主偶像阿

夜一UID: 2130338

我比较头痛的是，想不到什么好的逻辑来展开论述
最终只好先假设， We look for good neighbors, and admire people who have good neighbors, as we want to live happily and comfortably.
然后把a good neighbor, who contributes to our happy and comfortable lives作为前提
写了两个qualities
一个是不制造麻烦
一个是能帮人解决麻烦
然后麻烦少了，生活变好了，就是good neighbor了
也不知道行不行的通。。

DidoyUID: 2181213

以下是我的拙见
We look for good neighbors, and admire people who have good neighbors, as we want to live happily and comfortably.
改成
Having inclination to live happily and comfortably, we not only look for good neighbors, but also admire people who have ones.
觉得你的第二段写得有点乱
The basic quality of a good neighbor is the ability to avoid unnecessary problems. Neither does a good neighbor play music loudly during examination weeks, nor does him smoke in front of others’ children. 这句是主题句很好的举例。A good neighbor carries out the right amount of money when collecting public fees, and asks for permission before planting trees or flowers in the community. 这两种好邻居的行为为什么放在一起呢？前一种是慷慨，后一种是礼貌或者不给别人添麻烦的行为。A good neighbor behaves careful enough in order not to bother others, but make things operate well in the neighborhood. 你觉得这一句前后是转折关系么？前一种是不给别人添麻烦的行为，后一种是让社区紧紧有条，也可以说是热心或者关心社区。With a good neighbor, we do not worry about unexpected quarrellings or complaints.
第三段写得太好了！我的15里也写到了warm-hearted，也用了when...when...的排比，但是你的流畅多了！我的排比内容比起你的生硬好多好多。。。这个真是要想你学习了！
从不制造麻烦和帮人解决麻烦这两方面出发很好，但是你的字数也不够，一般性总是三条论证五段式比较好,何不把这两个方面做细分呢？比如，不制造麻烦里还有好多的，像尊重别人的隐私啦就可以嘛，何必把你的细分，就是你第二段举得那么多好的例子都挤在一个段落里呢？抽一条独立出来，这样逻辑比较清楚，而且字数也够，你认为呢？

DidoyUID: 2181213

有空的话帮忙看看我的吧。。。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

vivella329UID: 2165865

我觉得你的用词浅了点，很多同一个意思要用不同词来表达比较好，这就是同义词的精华所在．

另外口语化的词chat这种不要出现比较好．另外对一些表达要严谨，比如according to my opinion这种人家一看就不喜欢的，according to后面摆的是事实根据，或者是据别人说之类，直接说in my opinion or in my view不就行了么？如果能把accordingly这个词作为插入语用，更精彩哦！

最后是语法错误，像...behave careful enough...这种一定要小心哦！有人说语法是可以宽容几处的，也是评分标准里这么说的．但是我不认同这个观点，没有语法错误的文章比有的怎么说都让人舒服，错了好些还给高分的，是写得很精彩异常的状况，如果本来就不是文采好有幽默感的人，还是保证语法不要错比较好．
我是英语专业的，开过四个学期的写作课都是美国人或者英国人教的．得出的经验就是，逻辑，语言流畅，用词准确这些很重要，在此基础上，适当加些文采和幽默感．

至于字数，干吗一定要凑够三百以上．２５０－３００之间绝对够用了，不要让人觉得因为写不够凑废话进去哦．我同学１Ｔ考，太多了结果写得非常挤，都觉得６分的最后才得５分．

哈哈　大家加油哦＠％＄＾＆＿（＆＄！！！

归来的虎子UID: 181060

三人行必有吾师

夜一UID: 2130338

谢谢大家：）
又长见识了~~

夜一UID: 2130338

今天写了topic10，现在贴上来，请多指教
写完之后抄上来的时候，本来想在中间多加一段的，说明在hard work的过程中luck也是很重要的，无奈怎么都无法好好表达，最后想想就写两段阐明原因似乎也够了，于是就放弃了，不过如果能好好说明的话，文章应该回饱满很多，sigh

Topic: “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

Success results from hard work. Students cannot obtain perfect scores unless they study hard. Sportsmen cannot win championships unless they practice hard. But the quotation that luck has nothing to do with success is mistaken. To approach success, luck is not only necessary but sometimes important.

First of all, it is luck that offers people opportunities to develop personal abilities. Born in a rich family, a student can study any subjects according to his talent. However, born in an area suffering starvation and conflicting, how can a person hardly managing to survive expect to receive education? Growing up healthily, a person can practice any sports he would like to. Nevertheless, a disabled one can only watch basketball or baseball games. As a result, only a person lucky enough can work hard.

Besides, it is luck that enables people to demonstrate his personal abilities. With everything going on well, a person can arrive at an interview on time can gain a good. Yet either a strike of alarm clock or a broken down of subway will make a well prepared presentation meaningless. With excellent health conditions, a swimmer can totally exhibit her skills and win the game. Nonetheless, either a cold or a twist right before competition will drop years of hard practice down into drainage. Therefore, only a person lucky enough can transform hard work into success.

As far as I have discussed, while hard work is an official way to reach success, luck is too essential to be ignored. Without luck, neither can people grasp chances to work hard, nor can they exchange hard work into success.

夜一UID: 2130338

topic22

Topic: We all work or will work in our jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why these characteristics are important.

We work in our jobs and projects with various kinds of people. We meet them every day, and discuss promotions as well as problems with them. People we work closely with often affect our emotions, and influence our actions. Having cooperated with many workmates, I find some important characteristics of a good co-worker, such as punctuality, honesty, and assiduity.

First of all, it is extremely essential for a co-worker to be punctual. While wasting the time of oneself is regarded as suicide, wasting the time of others is equal to murder. Being late to attend an appointment disarranges the schedule of one’s workmates. Failing to finish one’s assigned work on time delays the progress of a whole workgroup. A person without punctuality prevents others from working promptly. As a result, punctuality is the basic characteristic of a good co-worker.

Besides, honesty is just as crucial as punctuality for a co-worker. Sincerity forms the foundation of trust among workmates, which plays as vital role throughout their working. Informing workmates an unverified data as a substantiated one will cause a project to fail at last. Steeling others’ results will destroy the credibility of an entire workgroup. A person lacking honesty will devastate others’ working environment. Therefore, honesty is a necessary characteristic of a good co-worker.

In addition, a good co-worker is assiduous. A person working hard can not only accelerate his own rate of progress, but raise others’ working passions as well. On the contrary, a lazy person contributes nothing to a workgroup except consuming its income. Hence assiduity is a demanded characteristic of a good co-worker.

As far as I have discussed, in order to work promptly, correctly, and efficiently, we need co-workers who are at least punctual, honest, and assiduous.