我的作文，请多指点

holyfatherUID: 2163484

People usually listen to music as a kind of amusement, while professionals study and practice it as art. No matter how you enjoy music, it can not be denied that music is playing significant role in our life. There are three main reasons for that.
Firstly, listening to music make us relax. If one feels exhausted under working pressure, you will forget anything annoying when dipping into a light music. It will take you into a peaceful world where you can experiences love，happiness and many other cheerful thing. After you get back from that world, maybe you get refreshed again to face the pressure.
Secondly, by playing music we can express and let out our feelings. Whether you fall into sadness or happiness, you will find some suitable songs to play or to sing for calming down yourself. I believe that playing a song is just like bathing when tired. If you can not play it, you have little chance to adjust yourself properly. That is why a lot of great scientists love music and play music well.
Lastly, music can unite many people into a strong force. When people listen to their national songs, they will gather closely to try all out for their countries. That is more obvious in Olympic Games where athletes compete for their honors.
Altogether, music is one of the significant elements not only for individuals, but also for the entire society. I believe that power of music is unlimited because it inspired people forward forever.

ew0UID: 2121202

大体结构是清楚了.语法句式就8说了...字数明显8够啊.而且例子也太...
恩.尤其最后一个实在太牵强了When people listen to their national songs, they will gather closely to try all out for their countries. That is more obvious in Olympic Games where athletes compete for their honors.这2者有什么必然关系么.是compete for their honors还是compete for their national songs. honors等于national songs么,中间缺少了个过渡...
其实例子8是太重要.关键要自圆其说.有理.就OK.

ps.我作文差的很.也就是瞎说说...看着帖子放一天了也没人理...
加油8.bless!

holyfatherUID: 2163484

一直以来作文的感觉都不好，老是没词说，练习了10多篇也没有大的长进，眼看要上考场了，可也是无奈啊！