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issue152 "The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies."
For a corporate executive, the most important role is to make as much money as possible for the company. And this is also the purpose of the whole company as it is the essence of companies. However, it should not be the only responsibility of a corporate executive with sagacious brain and clear moral standards. As a successful corporate executive, one should both take the responsibility of making money and the social responsibilities.开头相应题目,点明中心。不错
In the first place, we can not deny that corporate executives should make their every effort to increase the profit of their companies. The subsistence of a company is a responsibility of the first importance for the corporate executive. It is the prerequisite of the development of this company in the follow period. If this company can not operate normally in the primary period as the fault of the operator, or disobey the law,这里的disobey the law显得有点突兀,因为整段都是在写profit的,就不用把law掺杂进来it can not survive in the intent complete. Making as much money as possible is also the prerequisite of taking the other responsibilities. 这里似乎和主题句有些重了,可以来个逆否命题,例如, 如果不这样,会导致什么什么样的后果。 If the company loses the basic finical support to develop and take the social responsibilities, the corporate executive may not consider the profit in the long run. Take the development of Hair in China for example, the corporate executive of Hair, ming Zhang, first considered accumulate money to sustain the operation of Hair, which was a small company in the past. Without the basic financial support, he can not make the decision to develop the market abroad.
Secondly, corporate executives should be aware of businesses’ social responsibilities besides making as much money as possible. Though the corporate executives make sure their business operating under the permission of law, they just reach the lowest standard which the corporate should obey. 这里的though用了让步,但是本意应该是加强的,所以这里如果用陈述句效果会更好First, the companies’ leaders should take the social responsibilities to repay to the public as the companies’ achievement depend on the support of the people in all fields. This behavior can embody the moral standards of the operator and enhance the credibility of the company. Second, taking the social responsibilities will benefit the companies in the long run. Because of the effect of welfare activities, the public benefit from the benefaction of the companies directly or indirectly. The needy persons get what they need most and live healthy lives; the companies also get the trust from the public; it is double happiness and the companies will develop well in the long run. 这句话可以改成with,with结构,显得更加地道一些。例如,with getting the necessary products, the customers could get better lives; with the getting the trust from people, the company would gain more profit in the future. Thus, that is a winwin deal.For example, many enterprisers all over the world make the welfare funds to benefit the poor in the rural areas and build schools for the children. People there will remember them forever and their companies get the good reputations which improve the businesses in the long run.例子想得很及时,可以再具体一些,如Bill Gates每年要捐多少多少钱给charity institutions等等
Adversely, if the corporate executives focus too much attention attention可以删去,focus是单独用的,pay attention才是一个搭配on the profit of companies, they may lose the credibility of their companies and the chance to cooperate with others. Even though the product of their company is better than others, the public may consider them as being blinded by greed and choose other products. Also, other business operators would not like to cooperate with them because those who emphasize their profit as the most significance at any time will not be good business companions.
Above all, if a company can not make money under the limitations of law, it is a failure of the corporate executive because he is not on duty to operate the company properly and lose the chance to develop better. But this certainly is not the only responsibility for the corporate executives. They should take the profit of the companies in the long run into account, which is tied with their businesses’ social responsibilities
纵观全文,大的逻辑都是很清晰的,只是要注意一下每一段内部句与句之间的链接,还有就是语法和句式稍微留意一下。小旋子的进步真是不少,可是我啊,...., 向你学习。多交流啊。
另:本来今天已经改了你这篇文章,结果操作失误,什么都没有了,又重新改...呜呜呜,但愿你能从中受益
[ 本帖最后由 yvonnewhu 于 2006-8-10 09:51 编辑 ] |
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