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[a习作temp] argument200 本期同主题,写了巨多,欢迎来拍,留链必回。 [复制链接]

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发表于 2006-8-11 10:47:54 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
TOPIC: ARGUMENT200 - Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
WORDS: 578          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-8-11

……omitted

A threshold lapse with the arguer’s assertion is that the statistics shows that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist illustrates their inclination to be more distressed about having dental work done. But this may not the case at all. Maybe more male patients go for dentists. Hence the number of faint among male patients increased, but the proportion may not surpass that among women. Additionally, even if more male patients tend to faint, lots of factors can cause a patient faint besides distressed. It is entire possible that the male patients are those who may fear of the dental tools, such as needle, awl, and so on. Maybe they do not feel distressed but a sense of frightened; and their frightening causes their faint. Another possible reason is that maybe anesthetic that the dentists use among men and women are of the same dose, but men are more prone to over-reacted to the existence of the chemical. This is to say that the anesthetic substances lead to their faint, since, after all, anesthetic is used to alley the activity of nervous. Therefore, without ruling out the possibilities aforementioned, the arguer cannot convince me on the point that the cause of more male's faint is their more occurrence of distress.

Even if assuming that male patients are more apt to faint due to their inclination of being distressed. This does not necessarily justify the arguer's recommendation that dentists who advertise to attract patient should target the male consumer. There exists no further evidence to bolster the contention. After all, on the assumption that mail patient faint more frequently; and this may add costs of recover them from faint. Furthermore, the arguer does not taking into consideration the seriousness of their dental disease. What if the average male patients are of severe condition, such as poorer tooth or ruined nerve? Similarly, this will inevitably add more burden to the dentist. Hence, the arguer should further investigate whether the recommendation is feasible.

In addition, the arguer also advocates that they should emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their stuff. But maybe this recommendation may not apposite. Since the most effective measure of a dentist is his or her skill of working. Whether these dentists who accept the recommendation are all of marvelous medicare skill? Although they may have advanced anesthetic techniques, yet their lacking of basic skill or high price may serve to undermine their potential ability to attract custom. People may take more pain and faint more often in other dentists, but if their disease is fully cured, they may still choose those where anesthetic techniques are less emphasized. Moreover, the sensitivity of the staff to nervous or suffering patients does not demonstrate that patients will be satisfied and thus attracted. What if the stuff is sensitive but not adept in dealing with their suffering. The arguer does not clear define the words sensitivity; greenhorns are “good at” fuss when encountering accidents; and this fuss shares disparate meaning with discernable and fully-acquaint. Or maybe their sensitivity is as unnecessary action because patients prefer a relatively stable and firm doctor who may provide them mental support. Thus, without further reevaluating the recommendation, the arguer cannot persuade the dentists to accept it.

……omitted

改了约15-16处拼写语法错误,有些地方写完感觉像是在将歪理……
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沙发
发表于 2006-8-11 14:42:22 |只看该作者
seat
MSU ECE PHD

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板凳
发表于 2006-8-11 15:13:07 |只看该作者
A threshold lapse with the arguer’s assertion is that the statistics shows that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist illustrates[换成indicate怎么样?] their inclination to be more distressed about having dental work done. [这句话好像有点问题,太长了,shows 和illustrates 两个动词]But this may not the case at all. Maybe more male patients go for dentists. Hence the number of faint among male patients increased, but the proportion may not surpass that among women. Additionally, even if more male patients tend to faint, lots of factors can cause a patient faint besides distressed. It is entire[ly] possible that the male patients are those who may fear of the dental tools, such as needle, awl, and so on. Maybe they do not feel distressed but a sense of frightened; and their frightening causes their faint[呵呵,distress 和frighten好像满近似的啊]. Another possible reason is that maybe anesthetic that the dentists use among men and women are of the same dose, but men are more prone to over-reacted to the existence of the chemical. This is to say that the anesthetic substances lead to their faint, since, after all, anesthetic is used to alley[??] the activity of nervous. Therefore, without ruling out the possibilities aforementioned, the arguer cannot convince me on the point that the cause of more male's faint is their more occurrence of distress.

Even if[这个可以去掉吧] assuming that male patients are more apt to faint due to their inclination of being distressed. This does not necessarily justify the arguer's recommendation that dentists who advertise to attract patient should target the male consumer. There exists no further evidence to bolster the contention. After all, on the assumption that mail[male] patient faint more frequently; and this may add costs of recover them from faint.[这句话好像不完整] Furthermore, the arguer does not taking into consideration the seriousness of their dental disease. What if the average male patients are of severe condition, such as poorer tooth or ruined nerve? Similarly, this will inevitably add more burden to the dentist. Hence, the arguer should further investigate whether the recommendation is feasible.
[这段感觉有点乱]

In addition, the arguer also advocates that they should emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their stuff. But maybe this recommendation may not apposite. Since the most effective measure of a dentist is his or her skill of working. Whether these dentists who accept the recommendation are all of marvelous medicare skill? [如果医术不高就不能打广告了吗??]Although they may have advanced anesthetic techniques, yet their lacking of basic skill or high price may serve to undermine their potential ability to attract custom[er]. People may take more pain and faint more often in other dentists, but if their disease is fully cured, they may still choose those where anesthetic techniques are less emphasized. Moreover, the sensitivity of the staff to nervous or suffering patients does not demonstrate that patients will be satisfied and thus attracted. What if the stuff is sensitive but not adept in dealing with their suffering[这个满好的]. The arguer does not clear define the words sensitivity; greenhorns are “good at” fuss when encountering accidents; and this fuss shares disparate meaning with discernable and fully-acquaint[这句没看懂]. Or maybe their sensitivity is as unnecessary action because patients prefer a relatively stable and firm doctor who may provide them mental support. Thus, without further reevaluating the recommendation, the arguer cannot persuade the dentists to accept it.
[你这段感觉主要是站在医生的角度来说的,我觉得主要还是要考虑病人,毕竟是病人去看广告,而医生不关怎么样,都是可以做广告的]
[总体来说,分析得很具体,但是感觉没有秩序,尤其是在段内的句子之间的逻辑,我感觉dicmi写得很好,你可以看看他的逻辑。不过楼主在30分钟之内可以写这么多,让我羡慕不已啊,我都是快考试的人了,才能写350左右,郁闷~!]
MSU ECE PHD

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地板
发表于 2006-8-11 16:04:34 |只看该作者
字数上就很震撼~

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发表于 2006-8-11 16:27:35 |只看该作者
A threshold lapse with the arguer’s assertion is that the statistics shows that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist illustrates their inclination to be more distressed about having dental work done. But this may not [be] the case at all. Maybe more male patients go for dentists. Hence the number of faint among male patients increased, but the proportion may not surpass that among women. Additionally, even if more male patients tend to faint, lots of factors can cause a patient faint besides distressed. It is entire possible that the male patients are those who may fear of the dental tools, such as needle, awl, and so on. [能想到这个不真不简单] Maybe they do not feel distressed but a sense of frightened[fright 名词]; and their frightening causes their faint. Another possible reason is that maybe anesthetic that the dentists use among men and women are of the same dose, but men are more prone to over-reacted to the existence of the chemical. This is to say that the anesthetic substances lead to their faint, since, after all, anesthetic is used to alley the activity of nervous. Therefore, without ruling out the possibilities aforementioned, the arguer cannot convince me on the point that the cause of more male's faint is their more occurrence of distress. [两点可以分开说]

Even if assuming that male patients are more apt to faint due to their inclination of being distressed. This does not necessarily justify the arguer's recommendation that dentists who advertise to attract patient should target the male consumer. There exists no further evidence to bolster [高级!] the contention. After all, on the assumption that mail [male] patient faint more frequently; and this may add costs of recover them from faint. Furthermore, the arguer does not taking into consideration the seriousness of their dental disease. [这个理由好像放在上一段更合适一些, 男人的病更重所以晕的人多] What if the average male patients are of severe condition, such as poorer tooth or ruined nerve? Similarly, this will inevitably add more burden to the dentist. Hence, the arguer should further investigate whether the recommendation is feasible.

In addition, the arguer also advocates that they should emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their stuff. But maybe this recommendation may not apposite. Since the most effective measure of a dentist is his or her skill of working. Whether these dentists who accept the recommendation are all of marvelous medicare skill? [这一句有点不太顺~]Although they may have advanced anesthetic techniques, yet their lacking of basic skill or high price may serve to undermine their potential ability to attract custom. People may take more pain and faint more often in other dentists, but if their disease is fully cured, they may still choose those where anesthetic techniques are less emphasized. [这个假设好!] Moreover, the sensitivity of the staff to nervous or suffering patients does not demonstrate that patients will be satisfied and thus attracted. What if the stuff is sensitive but not adept in dealing with their suffering. The arguer does not clear define the words sensitivity; greenhorns are “good at” fuss when encountering accidents; and this fuss shares disparate meaning with discernable and fully-acquaint. Or maybe their sensitivity is as unnecessary action because patients prefer a relatively stable and firm doctor who may provide them mental support. Thus, without further reevaluating the recommendation, the arguer cannot persuade the dentists to accept it.

你的假设思路有很多都非常我,值得学习~~~

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发表于 2006-8-11 16:51:38 |只看该作者
A threshold lapse with the arguer’s assertion is that the statistics shows that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist illustrates their inclination to be more distressed about having dental work done. But this may not the case at all. Maybe more male patients go for dentists. Hence, although male patients may less likely to faint during the process, but their basic number make the overall figure surpass that of female.

Additionally, even if the statistic is reliable--more male patients tend to faint, but lots of factors can cause a patient faint besides distressed. It is entire possible that the male patients are those who may fear of the dental tools, such as needle, awl, and so on, this is to say that they do not feel distressed but a sense of frightened; and their frightening causes their faint. Another possible reason is that maybe anesthetic that the dentists use among men and women are of the same dose, but men are more prone to over-react to the existence of the chemical. This is to say that the anesthetic substances lead to their faint, since, after all, anesthetic is used to alley the activity of nervous. Therefore, without ruling out the possibilities aforementioned, the arguer cannot convince me on the point that the cause of more male's faint is their more occurrence of distress.

Assuming that male patients are more apt to faint due to their inclination of being distressed. It does not necessarily justify the arguer's recommendation that dentists who advertise to attract patient should target the male consumer. There exists no further evidence to bolster the contention. After all, female patients are another part of their customer. It is highly likely that female patients compose most of the dentist’s profit. Furthermore, the arguer does not taking into consideration whether the male patients’ diseases are hard to be cured. Maybe the extra patients attracted go beyond the dentist’s potential treating ability. Hence, the arguer should further investigate whether the recommendation is feasible.

In addition, the arguer also advocates that they should emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their stuff. But maybe this recommendation may not apposite. As is known to all, the most effective measure of a dentist is his or her skill of working, a fascinating path to attract customer is low price. Whether these dentists who accept the recommendation are all of marvelous medicare skill? Although they may have advanced anesthetic techniques and alluring advertisement, yet their lacking of ambidextrous skill or their high price may serve to undermine their potential ability to attract custom. On the contrary, people may take more pain and faint more often in other dentists, but if their disease is fully cured, they may still choose those where anesthetic techniques are less emphasized. Moreover, the sensitivity of the staff to nervous or suffering patients does not demonstrate that patients will be satisfied and thus attracted. What if stuff is sensitive but not adept in dealing with their suffering. Or maybe their sensitivity is an unnecessary action because patients prefer a relatively stable and firm doctor who may provide them mental support. Thus, without further reevaluating the recommendation, the arguer cannot persuade the dentists to accept it.

改了,光想着多写几个理由,就忘记连续性了……

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发表于 2006-8-11 21:16:09 |只看该作者
认真~~

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发表于 2006-8-13 17:20:10 |只看该作者
A threshold lapse [开头这个词就用的好,赞!]with the arguer’s assertion is that the statistics shows that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist illustrates their inclination to be more distressed about having dental work done. But this may not the case at all. Maybe more male patients go for dentists. Hence the number of faint among male patients increased, but the proportion may not surpass that among women. Additionally, even if more male patients tend to faint, lots of factors can cause a patient faint besides distressed. It is entire possible that the male patients are those who may fear of the dental tools, such as needle, awl,[准确的说法是drills(dianzhuan)injector(zhusheqi)] and so on. Maybe they do not feel distressed but a sense of frightened; and their frightening causes their faint. Another possible reason is that maybe anesthetic that the dentists use among men and women are of the same dose, but men are more prone to over-reacted to the existence of the chemical. [这个原因说得似乎有点牵强 ]This is to say that the anesthetic substances lead to their faint, since, after all, anesthetic is used to alley the activity of nervous. Therefore, without ruling out the possibilities aforementioned, the arguer cannot convince me on the point that the cause of more male's faint is their more occurrence of distress.[第一段对survey的分析挺透彻的,赞!]

Even if assuming that male patients are more apt to faint due to their inclination of being distressed. This does not necessarily justify the arguer's recommendation that dentists who advertise to attract patient should target the male consumer. There exists no further evidence to bolster the contention. After all, on the assumption that mail patient faint more frequently; and this may add costs of recover them from faint. Furthermore, the arguer does not taking into consideration the seriousness of their dental disease. [这点我没有想到呢,extraction 肯定比 dental restoration 容易faint一些]What if the average male patients are of severe condition, such as poorer tooth or ruined nerve? Similarly, this will inevitably add more burden to the dentist. Hence, the arguer should further investigate whether the recommendation is feasible.

In addition, the arguer also advocates that they should emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their stuff. But maybe this recommendation may not apposite. Since the most effective measure of a dentist is his or her skill of working. Whether these dentists who accept the recommendation are all of marvelous medicare skill? Although they may have advanced anesthetic techniques, yet their lacking of basic skill or high price may serve to undermine their potential ability to attract custom. People may take more pain and faint more often in other dentists, but if their disease is fully cured, they may still choose those where anesthetic techniques are less emphasized. Moreover, the sensitivity of the staff to nervous or suffering patients does not demonstrate that patients will be satisfied and thus attracted. What if the stuff is sensitive but not adept in dealing with their suffering. The arguer does not clear define the words sensitivity; greenhorns are “good at” fuss when encountering accidents; and this fuss shares disparate meaning with discernable and fully-acquaint. Or maybe their sensitivity is as unnecessary action because patients prefer a relatively stable and firm doctor who may provide them mental support. Thus, without further reevaluating the recommendation, the arguer cannot persuade the dentists to accept it.[最后一段针对结论展开,写的很深入,值得学习!]

[三段的内容包括了结论,论据和前提,写得很完整,赞!结构上好像没有什么可以改的了,都写在原文里面了。另附了我的一篇,望多多指教http://www.gter.edu.cn/bbs/viewt ... e%3D1#pid1768952105]

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发表于 2006-8-13 18:04:13 |只看该作者
ls extraction 肯定比 dental restoration 容易faint一些 很有启发!我都没想到!有参考价值!

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RE: argument200 本期同主题,写了巨多,欢迎来拍,留链必回。 [修改]

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argument200 本期同主题,写了巨多,欢迎来拍,留链必回。
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-511839-1-1.html
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