argument194第一次作业，求拍，有拍必回

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TOPIC: ARGUMENT194 - A recent study suggests that people who are left-handed are more likely to succeed in business than are right-handed people. Researchers studied photographs of 1,000 prominent business executives and found that 21 percent of these executives wrote with their left hand. So the percentage of prominent business executives who are left-handed (21 percent) is almost twice the percentage of people in the general population who are left-handed (11 percent). Thus, people who are left-handed would be well advised to pursue a career in business, whereas people who are right-handed would be well advised to imitate the business practices exhibited by left-handers.
WORDS: 441         TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-12-25

In the argument the author advises that left-handed people should pursue a career in business and the right-handed persons should imitate the business practice exhibited by the lefl-handed. To justify his suggestion, the arguer cites a study. The argument suffers from several logical flaws and is therefore unconvincing.
First, he provides no assurance that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. Lacking knowledge of the number of people surveyed and the how these people are selected, it is hard to convince us that the results are valid. Besides, writing with their left hand in the photographs does mean that the person is left-handed. Moreover, prominent business executives is not representation of the whole people in business. It is possible that many prominent have risen to their positions not by way of their achievements or business acumen but through other means-such as familial relationships Furthermove,1000 executive is also  a insufficient sample in general. Without any evidence of statistical significances in number and representation, his conclusion is totally unwarranted.
Even if left-handed people are more likely to have an innate ability to succeed in business than right-handed people are, the author's advisement that the left-handed should pursue a career is also unfairly. Perhaps left-handed people are more easily to succeed in other field. Assuming that all left-handed people are similar in terms of their talents, interests, and motivations are ridiculous. Perhaps some left-handed persons are more fit into other fields instead of business.
Even if left-handed people would be well advised to pursue a career, the speaker’s suggestion that right-handed persons should imitate the business practice exhibited by the left-handed is ungrounded. First, it is hard to imitate a person. In addition, which left-handed people might be endowed cannot be imitated. Furthermore, It is entirely possible that other things they gift lead themselves better to other business approach Finally,the speaker assume without accountings for  other field that the right-handed people might achieve in rather than business.. Without considering and ruling out all these possibilities, the author cannot convince me that right-handed people should imitate their courtparts.
In summary, this argument is unconvincing for several reasons. In order to strengthen the author’s standpoint, he should provide substantiation that the survey is statistically reliable in number and is representative of the whole people in business. In addition, solid evidence that left-handed people are more likely to have an innate ability to succeed in business than right-handed people are should also be presented. As for the allegation about  right-handed persons imitate the business practice exhibited will more easy to success in business. Lacking such crucial information, I definitely disagree with his argument.

siyuandingUID: 2154137

In the argument the author advises that left-handed people should pursue a career in business and the right-handed persons should imitate the business practice exhibited by the lefl-handed. To justify his suggestion, the arguer cites a study. The argument suffers from several logical flaws and is therefore unconvincing.
[好像这段仿照北美范文来写的，第一篇练习可以，但以后要形成自己的特色]

First, he provides no assurance that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. [我觉得这不是一个survey吧，所以不能用survey的模版来套吧，如果算的话，就像你第二句写的那样，但此句不能放在段首，首句应有总括全段的作用。从你的行文中看得出，你是仿照北美范文写的，具体是什么大错，你再对照范文仔细捉摸捉摸]Lacking knowledge of the number of people surveyed and the how these people are selected, it is hard to convince us that the results are valid. [攻击每个错误点之后，一定要给出alternative explanation,反映你深入分析问题的能力，你对照范文看看就明白了]Besides, writing with their left hand in the photographs does mean that the person is left-handed. Moreover, prominent business executives is not representation of the whole people in business. It is possible that many prominent have risen to their positions not by way of their achievements or business acumen but through other means-such as familial relationships[对，就像这样有alternative explanation] Furthermove,1000 executive is also  a insufficient sample in general.[这个统计学错误是不是和前面的一起说，而且也没深入] Without any evidence of statistical significances in number and representation, his conclusion is totally unwarranted.[段末句也跟首句一样的问题，没有总括全段，而且像这样的模版，应加些具体的细节，即具体的错误，判卷人很容易看得出这是在套模版，分数会很低的，具体你再对照范文]
[如果你觉得错误点比较多，可以用两个段落重点攻击几个错误，着墨要多，第三段再罗列错误就可以了，像你这样，浅尝辄止很难看出你的分析能力]

Even if left-handed people are more likely to have an innate ability to succeed in business than right-handed people are, the author's advisement that the left-handed should pursue a career is also unfairly. Perhaps left-handed people are more easily to succeed in other field. Assuming that all left-handed people are similar in terms of their talents, interests, and motivations are ridiculous. Perhaps some left-handed persons are more fit into other fields instead of business.

Even if left-handed people would be well advised to pursue a career, the speaker’s suggestion that right-handed persons should imitate the business practice exhibited by the left-handed is ungrounded. First, it is hard to imitate a person. In addition, which left-handed people might be endowed cannot be imitated. Furthermore, It is entirely possible that other things they gift lead themselves better to other business approach Finally,the speaker assume without accountings for  other field that the right-handed people might achieve in rather than business.. Without considering and ruling out all these possibilities, the author cannot convince me that right-handed people should imitate their courtparts.

In summary, this argument is unconvincing for several reasons. In order to strengthen the author’s standpoint, he should provide substantiation that the survey is statistically reliable in number and is representative of the whole people in business. In addition, solid evidence that left-handed people are more likely to have an innate ability to succeed in business than right-handed people are should also be presented. As for the allegation about  right-handed persons imitate the business practice exhibited will more easy to success in business. Lacking such crucial information, I definitely disagree with his argument.

[第一篇能写成这样很不错了，还得继续努力哦！
几条建议：
1、写完之后，贴到word里。我看你这里很多小问题，缺标点、单复数，注意每段之后空一行
2、一开始请不用限时，这不现实，也没必要，把模版确定好了，速度自然快了。还有，注意字词的使用，有很多用得不恰当的地方，这是issue的基本功，我就不帮你改了，反复修改自己的文章很重要
3、关于论证，问题比较大，好像你还不明白基本的原则，我仔细帮你分析了第一段。北美范文精选，看得出你是有的，多看看，多分析怎样扩展段落以及段落如何布局，或者找论坛上的精华帖
4、写的时候不要过分依赖范文，第一篇可以，以后要自己找错误，自己去驳论
5、最后鼓励一下，加油哦！]

[ 本帖最后由 siyuanding 于 2007-1-12 01:51 编辑 ]

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