Issue17 米国有米小组第七次作业 我顶你个肺啊~~~~~

ernest81888UID: 2247639

17．There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws.

提纲，同意作者观点，但政府也更需要不断的修改完善法律。

层次一：虽然对于个人来讲很难有一个标准的，什么是公正的法律，什么是不公正的法律，但法律是按国家利益，和社会利益来制定的，对我们来说还是应该遵守公正的法律，例子，个人所得税

层次二：对于那些不公正的法律，我们需要抵制，因为只有通过抵制那些不公正的法律才能使政府意识到法律的漏洞，法律的片面，才能了解人民的需要。例子，退休

层次三：法律需要不断的修改完善。
1．  科技进步出现了很多新的领域，也需要制定一系列相关的法律来约束社会。
2．  有些人钻法律的空子，名曰遵守法律，实质是危害社会。

结尾

In this statement, the speaker reclaim that there are two types of law-just and unjust. He also render his recommendation that everyone in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to inhibit obey unjust laws. Although there are still a lot of regulations not perfect need to be modified or fined, in a extend view, I basically agree with what the author said.

The main reason that I support the speaker’s recommendation is because when country setting up a law it always largely focuses on the interest of country not for one or two person. Since the law established is to control the country, it could be considered having the ability to serve most of the populace, and give most people no matter poor or rich, old or young, man or woman their just privilege to live in the country. Admittedly, for the sake of individual, it can never be a ultimate conclusion whether the law is just or unjust. For example, regarding tax system, especially comes to individual incoming tax regulation, some good-paying people always complain why they must pay a lot more tax to the government whereas counterpart people are only require to pay less. They might think they earned their money by hard work, continuing in learning new technology, and their outstanding achievement. Yet they ignore the advantage and purpose of the government’s executing this law. It should be known, by obeying this regulation, country could shorten the great discrepancy between the rich and the poor from which that would mitigate series society conflict. So, for the country not the individual, it is a just law. Thus, in order to satisfy the interest of country, it is our responsibility to obey the just law, sometimes we also need to sacrifice our own interest.

As for some unjust laws, my view is it is important for each one in society to disobey or resist it. It is true some governor setup some absurd or unfair laws. In most country, there exists a law to regulate that women should be retired after 55, whereas men can continue to work until 65. Government claim man could keep active in career while women need to take a break at the same age. This statement sounds ridiculous. Many women may loss their jobs when facing this problem. Vitally, we should resist these kinds of law to protect ourselves from being treated unjust. Only by disobeying such regulations could we make an alarm to the government to amend the unfair laws.

At last, laws need to setup with the development of modern society. Some new realms like internet, gene technology, nuclear weapon are all required our government to build up new laws. As for the extant, since there still exists law with flaws or holes, some “clever” people may obey the problematic laws, but actually make individual profit form it , so the responsibility also needs to be taken by the government to find the hole in laws then to eliminate and optimize it.

To sum up, I basically agree with the speaker’s statement. Since most laws considered just are established by country and face to most people. So, by obeying the just laws country could have a right orbit leading to prosperity. It will also be helpful for us to resist these unjust laws as by doing so the government could be alarmed and might have a plan to modify them. I also recommend it is necessary for the country to build up regulation in new realm and not forgetting to amend the laws with flaws.

aefiterUID: 2134740

In this statement, the speaker reclaimclaims that there are two types of law-just and unjust. He also renders his recommendation that everyone in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to inhibit refuse to obey unjust laws. Although there are still a lot of regulations not perfect need to be modified or fined, a lot of 不太好in a extended view, I basically agree with what the author said.

The main reason that I support the speaker’s recommendation is because when country settingsets up a law it always largely focuses on the interest of country but not for one or two persons. Since the law established is to control the country, it could be considered having the ability to serve most of the populace, and give most people, no matter poor or rich, old or young, man or woman, their just privilege to live in the country. Admittedly, for the sake of individual, it can never be a ultimate conclusion whether the law is just or unjust. 让步的句子admit之后，在回到作者的立场上，应该再有一句，yet For example, regarding tax system, especially comes to individual incoming tax regulation句子的断点多了, some good-payingwell-paid people always complain why they must pay a lot more tax to the government whereas counterpart people are only requireed to pay less. They might think they earned their money by hard work, continuing in learning new technology, and their outstanding achievement. Yet they ignore the advantage and purpose of the government’s executing this law. It should be known that, by obeying this regulation, country could shorten the great discrepancy between the rich and the poor from which that would mitigate series society conflict. So, for the country not the individual, it is a just law. Thus, in order to satisfy the interest of country, it is our responsibility to obey the just law, sometimes we also need to sacrifice our own interest.

这一段写得太随意，是从很多语病的角度。考场作文还是应该保守一些，拿不准的表达方式不用

As for some unjust laws, my view is it is important for each one in society to disobey or resist it. It is true some governor setup some absurd or unfair laws. In most country, there exists a law to regulate that women should be retired after 55, whereas men can continue to work until 65. Government claim man could keep active in career while women need to take a break at the same age. This statement sounds ridiculous. Many women may loss their jobs when facing this problem. Vitally, we should resist these kinds of law to protect ourselves from being treated unjust. Only by disobeying such regulations could we make an alarm to the government to amend the unfair laws.
这一段不错

At last, laws need to setup with the development of modern society. Some new realms like internet, gene technology, nuclear weapon are all required our government to build up new laws. As for the extant没见过, since there still exists law with flaws or holes, some “clever” people may obey the problematic laws, but actually make individual profit form it , so the responsibility also needs to be taken by the government to find the hole in laws then to eliminate and optimize it.
这一段是说法律要完善，但是和主题联系不紧，是不是应该指出法律的分类不能太绝对，才能引出这一段。

To sum up, I basically agree with the speaker’s statement. Since most laws considered just are established by country and face to most people. So, by obeying the just laws country could have a right orbit leading to prosperity. It will also be helpful for us to resist these unjust laws as by doing so the government could be alarmed and might have a plan to modify them. I also recommend it is necessary for the country to build up regulation in new realm and not forgetting to amend the laws with flaws.

country 换成nation 较好。
第三人称单数，a与an，这些错误我也很容易注意不到。
被动与主动语态。

ernest81888UID: 2247639

已做修改,希望好心人在帮忙看看

17．There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws.

提纲，同意作者观点，但政府也同时需要不断的修改完善法律。

层次一：虽然对于个人来讲很难有一个标准的，什么是公正的法律，什么是不公正的法律，但法律是按国家利益，和社会利益来制定的，对我们来说还是应该遵守公正的法律，例子，个人所得税

层次二：对于那些不公正的法律，我们需要抵制，因为只有通过抵制那些不公正的法律才能使政府意识到法律的漏洞，法律的片面，才能了解人民的需要。例子，退休

层次三：法律需要不断的修改完善。
1．        科技进步出现了很多新的领域，也需要制定一系列相关的法律来约束社会。
2．        有些人钻法律的空子，名曰遵守法律，实质是危害社会。

结尾

In this statement, the speaker claims that there are two types of law just and unjust. Besides, he also renders his recommendation that everyone in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to inhibit unjust laws. Although there still exist regulations which are not perfect enough and may need to be modified or fined, in a extended view, I basically agree with what the author said.

The main reason that I support the speaker’s recommendation is because when a country setting up a law it always largely focuses on the interest of nation, but not for one or two person. Since the law established is to control the society system, it could be considered having the ability to serve most of the populace, and give most people their fair privilege to live in the country, no matter poor or rich, old or young, man or woman. Admittedly, for the sake of individual, it can never be an ultimate conclusion whether the law is just or unjust. For example, regarding tax system, especially when it comes to individual incoming tax regulation, some well-paid people always complain why they must pay a lot more taxes to the government whereas counterpart people are only required to pay less. Perhaps in their minds, the money is earned by their hard work, as well as by their outstanding achievement in work. Yet they ignore the advantage and purpose of the government’s executing this law. It should be known that by obeying this regulation, a country could shorten the great discrepancy between the rich and the poor from which that would mitigate series society conflict therefore benefit the society. So, for the nation not the individual, it is a just law. Thus, in order to satisfy the interest of country, it is our responsibility to obey the just law, what’s more, sometimes we also need to sacrifice our own interest.

As for some unjust laws, my view is it is important for each one in society to disobey or resist it. It is true some governor have drawn up some absurd or unfair laws. In most country, there exists a law to regulate that women should manage to retire when they are 55, whereas men can continue to work until 65. Government makes a claim that man could keep active in career while women need to take a break at the same age. This statement sounds ridiculous without any creditable evidence Many women may loss their jobs when facing this problem. Vitally, we should resist these kinds of law to protect ourselves from being treated unfairly. Only by disobeying such regulations could we make an alarm to the government to amend the unfair laws.

At last, laws need to be setup inconsistently with the development of modern society. Some new realms like internet, gene technology, nuclear weapon are all required our government to build up new laws. As for the extant, since there still exists law with flaws or holes, some “clever” people may appears to obey the problematic laws, but actually make individual profit form it , so the responsibility also needs to be taken by the government to find the hole in laws then to eliminate and optimize it.

To sum up, I basically agree with the speaker’s statement. Since most laws considered just are established by nation and face to most people. So, encourage individuals to obey the just laws might be a good way to the country, since it gives the nation a right orbit leading to prosperity. It will also be helpful for us to resist these unjust laws, as the government could be alarmed and might have a plan to modify them. I also recommend it is necessary for the country to build up regulation in new realm and not forgetting to amend the problematic laws with flaws.

yogurt4UID: 198389

17．There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in asociety has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even moreimportantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws.

提纲，同意作者观点，但政府也同时需要不断的修改完善法律。

层次一：虽然对于个人来讲很难有一个标准的，什么是公正的法律，什么是不公正的法律，但法律是按国家利益，和社会利益来制定的，对我们来说还是应该遵守公正的法律，例子，个人所得税

层次二：对于那些不公正的法律，我们需要抵制，因为只有通过抵制那些不公正的法律才能使政府意识到法律的漏洞，法律的片面，才能了解人民的需要。例子，退休

层次三：法律需要不断的修改完善。
1．        科技进步出现了很多新的领域，也需要制定一系列相关的法律来约束社会。
2．        有些人钻法律的空子，名曰遵守法律，实质是危害社会。

结尾

In this statement, the speaker claims that there are two types of lawjust and unjust. Besides, he also renders his recommendation 感觉上偏向argument得语言,放在开头不是很自然.thateveryone in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and toinhibit unjust laws. Although there still exist regulations which arenot perfect enough delete and may need to be modified or fined, in a an吧 extendedview, I basically agree with what the author said what the speaker says.

开头只是在重复题目的情况下(斜体)增加了一些没有实际意义的句子,仔细看只能看出六个字:同意题目观点.
理由基本上没有给出来,没有起到开头应该有的作用.1 交待与主题有关的背景（一两句话,时间不够可以省略）
2 将重点转到主题,给出自己的立场,3 给出支持你观点的理由.这里的理由就是你后面几个body TS的浓缩,看完开头就大概你知道后面要写什么.
简单说,你没有完成step 3的工作.再一个,不要加一些模版的表达,而是应该把题目的表述稍微变换一下.



The main reason that  I support the speaker’s recommendation is becausedelete when a country setting up sets up a law 这里用被动语态比较好,when law is set up,因为country sets up law的搭配有点怪怪的,一般是legislature或者其他的机构立法. it 指代不清,这里it是指带前面的country还是law? always largely focuses always it focuses on the interest of nation, but not for one or two person. Since the law established is to control the society system, it could be considered having the ability to serve most of the populace, and give most people their fair privilege to live in the country, no matter poor or rich,old or young, man or woman. Admittedly, for the sake of individual, it can never be an ultimate conclusion it is hard to conclude whether the law is just or unjust.for the sake of individual是想说明什么?这里没看懂. 估计是想说,保障整体利益的法律落到个人头上谈不上公正. For example, regarding tax system, especially when it comes to individual incoming tax regulation, some well-paid people always complain why they must pay a lot more taxes to the government whereas counterpart people are only required to pay less. Perhaps in their minds, the money is earned by their hard work, as well as by their outstanding achievement in work. Yet they ignore the advantage and purpose of the government’s executing this law.  It should be known that by obeying this regulation, a country could delete Yet this law shortens the great discrepancy between the rich and the poor in the country and further mitigates from which that would delete mitigate series society conflict therefore benefit the society. So, for the nation not the individual, it is a just law. Thus, in order to satisfy the interest of country, it is our responsibility to obey thejust law, what’s more, sometimes we also need to sacrifice our own interest.在段尾做超出前面内容的延伸,大忌!!!

...when a country setting up a law it always largely focuses on the interest of nation, but not for one or two person.

反对.杀人抢劫罪怎么说,是关系到个人利益的法律吧.
问题1,缺乏一个简洁明了的TS.when a country...not for one or two person.拖得太长了.不看法律的定义,单就你这一段的内容
建议改成: Law is set up to protect the interest of most populace.
后面再做具体详细的展开,方便reader第一下抓住你本段的中心.

问题2,没有围绕一个中心来做论述.这是缺乏好TS的后遗症.
法律的作用;没有严格意义上公正的法律.
你花了同样的篇幅写这两点.意思上独立,就应该分段,否则,只在有必要的地方稍微提及其中一点,做为对另一点的补充.

问题3,模糊讨论主题的重点.
法律有两种,公正和不公正的.到底是肯定还是否定?没有绝对公正的法律,这个是你的大观点,个人应该遵守保证集体利益的法律.
又没有给理由,只说beneficial to society.西方人没有我们传统"集体主义"的概念,写这个必须谈一下,如果个人不遵守针对集体的法律,会有什么后果.



As for some unjust laws, my view is it is important for each one insociety to disobey or resist it. 既然前面谈到it's hard to conclude whether a law is just or unjust,你这里unjust law又是根据什么标准定义的,注意对关键词的说明! It is true some governors have drawn up some absurd or unfair laws. In most country, there exists a law to regulate that women should manage to retire when they are 55, whereas men can continue to work until 65. Government makes a claim 直接claims不就好了么,前面也有很多类似累赘的表达.that man could keep active in career while women need to take a break at the same age. This statement sounds ridiculous without any creditable evidence删! Many women may loss their jobs when facing this problem.Vitally, we should resist these kinds of law to protect ourselves from being treated unfairly. Only by disobeying such regulations could we make an alarm to the government to amend the unfair laws.

退休年龄有差别,不光是妇女丢失工作的问题吧.
TS改成,, Everyone should resist unjust laws for ...后面跟原因. 一两句解释unjust law的定义再抛例子出来.抵制不公正法律的原因可以再强调下.

At last, laws need to be set up inconsistently with the development of modern society. Some new realms like internet, gene technology, nuclearweapon are all required our government to build up new laws calling for new laws. As for the extant, since there still exists law with flaws or holes, some “clever”people may appears to obey the problematic laws, but actually make individual profit form it , so the responsibility also needs to betaken by the government 为什么不用主动语态,更简洁一些.to find the hole in laws then to eliminate andoptimize it.

Blanks in law may be abused by criminals for money.

To sum up, I basically agree with the speaker’s statement. Since mostlaws considered just are established by nation and face to most people.So, encourage individuals to obey the just laws might be a good way tothe country, since it gives the nation a right orbit leading toprosperity. It will also be helpful for us to resist these unjust laws,as the government could be alarmed and might have a plan to modifythem. I also recommend it is necessary for the country to build upregulation in new realm and not forgetting to amend the problematiclaws with flaws.

结尾有点累赘.

全文看下来,语法错误比较多.展开不够,论述比较详细的地方都没有"抠"出重点.
模版的痕迹很重,减少套话,这个尤其需要注意.

ernest81888UID: 2247639

谢谢酸奶的评点,我会认真研究,决定重写~!!!!!!!:loveliness:

yogurt4UID: 198389

原帖由 ernest81888 于 2007-1-4 22:27 发表
谢谢酸奶的评点,我会认真研究,决定重写~!!!!!!!:loveliness:

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