写了一篇作文,求大大修改~

crisissunUID: 2268192

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Boys and girls should attend separate schools.

While some people propose the idea that students should go to school respectively by their gender claim that it is a good way for management, in my opinion, kids should not attend school separately because this kind of act may causes enormous potential troubles ranging from person to society.
The first reason to support my opinion is that dividing students into two groups---boys and girls, is harmful for the development of kids. The society, which is a very complex unity, is constituted by men and women/Man and woman are the two basic elements of society. Therefore, there is no benefit for one group to live without the other one, especially for children. Education means not only teach knowledge, but also means teach something special, including social skills, career preparation, and how to communicate. If students were divided into two groups by gender, then schools would have no chance to teach them those particular but essential skills.
On the other hand, attending school separately by gender may causes a series of potential troubles in society. After the kids respectively graduated from schools, they will find that the other group of people are so strange, are totally different from themselves in all the aspects---thinking, acting, interest, and even body structure. These differences may cause two completely different results. First, boys and girls may feel curious, then try to get acquaint with each other, which is the positive one. Second, kids may feel embarrassing, then even try to avoid others, which is the one may cause lots of social problems, such as sexual discrimination, public unsatisfactoriness, demonstration and so on.
From what has been mentioned above, boys and girls should not attend schools separately. In this fast developing society, we must take everything into account when make deciding choices. Separating boys and girls into different schools may contribute nothing but adverse elements to the development of both society and kids themselves. Consequently, if I were the minister of national education department, I would undoubtedly ban this ridiculous restriction nationwide.

蝾螈UID: 2326125

In this fast developing society, we must take everything into account when make deciding choices.最后一段第二句话  感觉怪怪的

MagiSuUID: 2182136

Whilesome people who propose the idea that students should go to schoolrespectively by their gender claim that it is a good way formanagement unecessary to use a clause, only "for better management" is enough , however in my opinion, kids should not attend school separately go to such schoolbecause this kind of act may causes enormous potential troubles rangingfrom person to society.
The first reason to supportmy opinion is that dividing students into two groups---boys and girls,is harmful for the development of kids. not fluent The society, which is a verycomplex unity, is constituted by men and women/Man and woman are thetwo basic elements of society.no repeat Therefore, there is no benefit for onegroup to live without the other one, especially for children. moreover, Educationmeans not only teaching knowledge, but also means teach something special,including social skills, career preparation, and how to communicate. Ifstudents were divided into two groups by gender, then schools wouldhave no chance to teach them those particular but essential skills.
On the other hand,attending school separately by gender may causes a series of potentialtroubles in society. 你前面已经提到了society了，把相似的观点放在一起 After the kids respectively graduated fromschools, they will find that the other group of people are so strange,are totally different from themselves in all the aspects---thinking,acting, interest, and even body structure. These differences may causetwo completely different results. First, boys and girls may feelcurious, then try to get acquaint with each other, which is thepositive one. Second, kids may feel embarrassing, then even try toavoid others, which is the one may cause lots of social problems, suchas sexual discrimination, public unsatisfactoriness, demonstration andso on.
From what has beenmentioned above, boys and girls should not attend schools separately.In this fast developing society, we must take everything into accountwhen make deciding choices. Separating boys and girls into differentschools may contribute nothing but adverse elements to the developmentof both society and kids themselves. Consequently, if I were theminister of national education department, I would undoubtedly ban thisridiculous restriction nationwide.


刻薄的说，感觉逻辑比较混乱。所以读了一半觉得你还是不能有效的表达自己的意思。而且标明自己的观点时很拖沓。我个人认为先写提纲比较好。

[ 本帖最后由 lintelle 于 2007-5-10 21:47 编辑 ]

crisissunUID: 2268192

原帖由 MagiSu 于 2007-5-11 09:14 发表
Whilesome people who propose the idea that students should go to schoolrespectively by their gender claim that it is a good way formanagement unecessary to use a clause, only "for better man ...

thanks~~~:handshake

good way for management我表达的确实太不地道了,for better management就好多了,赞~

我的本意是从"个人"到"社会"这两个角度来分析,现在看看,确实有的地方写的太含糊了~

非常感谢~!