Argument140 【0710G 五一互助小组】第二次作业

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Argument140  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：50分3秒     435 words
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The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.
'During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college.'
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The recommendation endorsed in this argument is that Elm City University should pay Professor Thomas $10,000 more than before and promote her to Department Chairperson. To substantiate it, the arguer points out that Professor Thomas has a class one of the largest in the university and the research grants she brought in is beyond her salary of the last two years. Insofar as the sincere endeavor to keep the gifted faculty in the university, the conclusion appears well-stated. However, close scrutiny reveals that it conceals several potential flaws and is therefore not well-supported.

First of all, the present salary may actually sufficient enough to satisfy Professor Thomas. When mentioning her class and her research capability, the arguer fails to make it clear that Professor Thomas is the definite demonstration and he suitable position she is at in the university. For her class, if we accept the fact that it is among the largest at the university, there is no guarantee that she will be the one deserves $10,000 more salary. Simply "among the largest "does not mean the class is the best because to evaluate a class many other traits and factors should be involved. Further more, even the class is popular among students and the research capability is excellent it does not follow that a raise of salary is urgently needed for the reason that other potential or gifted ones may have a lower salary than her and the raise may entirely possibly bring about the envious and discontent of others. In addition, the contribution Professor Thomas has brought about in the last two years does not alleviate the suspicion of her potentiality and the future career.

Secondly, the arguer presents a conclusion to promote Professor Thomas without sufficient evidence. As we all know, to be a Department Chairperson needs many abilities other than the teaching and research skills. Without ruling out such key components such as her cooperation ability, leadership, reputation, etc., we will automatically accept her will do well in the position. Moreover, even if she qualifies, the arguer provides no information that she will naturally accept the position.

Thirdly, the fear that she will leave the university is not necessarily needed when such symptom is identified. Unless we are assured that she do has the complaint about the present salary and show a willing that she will leave if the situation is not changed, the worry has few, if any necessities.

As it stands, the arguer has not succeeded in providing sufficient reasons in this argument. If the arguer were to consider all the flaws discussed above, the conclusion would be more convincing.

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The recommendation endorsed in this argument is that Elm City University should pay Professor Thomas $10,000 more than before and promote her to Department Chairperson. To substantiate it, the arguer points out that Professor Thomas has a class one of the largest in the university and the research grants she brought in is beyond her salary of the last two years. Insofar as the sincere endeavor to keep the gifted faculty in the university, the conclusion appears well-stated. However, close scrutiny reveals that it conceals several potential flaws and is therefore not well-supported.

First of all, the present salary may actually sufficient enough to satisfy Professor Thomas. arg是批判错误,应该把错误说出来,别人不知道的乍一看也许会认为是issue.When mentioning her class and her research capability, the arguer fails to make it clear that Professor Thomas is the definite demonstration and he suitable position she is at in the university. 这句话是啥意思?For her class, if we accept the fact that it is among the largest at the university, there is no guarantee that she will be the one deserves $10,000 more salary. Simply "among the largest "does not mean the class is the best because to evaluate a class many other traits and factors should be involved. 这句话说的很不错.如果加上一句,only the best deserves awards.就更好了Further more, even the class is popular among students and the research capability is excellent it does not follow that a raise of salary is urgently needed for the reason that other potential or gifted ones may have a lower salary than her and the raise may entirely possibly bring about the envious and discontent of others. In addition, the contribution Professor Thomas has brought about in the last two years does not alleviate the suspicion of her potentiality and the future career.这一段语言比较不错,不过最突出的问题就是前后不相呼应,TS说现在的工资足够满足T教授,不过正文缺说T教授不应该得extra工资,这个是不一样的.而且结尾句也没和TS扣上.

Secondly, the arguer presents a conclusion to promote Professor Thomas without sufficient evidence. As we all know, to be a Department Chairperson needs many abilities other than the teaching and research skills. Without ruling out such key components such as her cooperation ability, leadership, reputation, etc., we will automatically accept her will do well in the position. Moreover, even if she qualifies, the arguer provides no information that she will naturally accept the position.这一段虽然没有什么太大的问题,不过展开不是太够,而且TS写的有些大,不够具体.

Thirdly, the fear that she will leave the university is not necessarily needed when such symptom is identified. Unless we are assured that she do has the complaint about the present salary and show a willing that she will leave if the situation is not changed, the worry has few, if any necessities.伤其10指不如断其一指.

As it stands, the arguer has not succeeded in providing sufficient reasons in this argument. If the arguer were to consider all the flaws discussed above, the conclusion would be more convincing.结尾略感仓促.

应该说语言上的工夫还是不错的,不过就某篇上来说并不能很好的做到提纲挈领和前后呼应,而且主体部分2.3段展开不足导致主体明显头重脚轻这样对于文章结构是很不好的.
有时间拍下我的,thx.