生如夏花第四次主题作业

cuiwenliUID: 2297488

7.10-7.11 第四次作业作文(花钱问题)
Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the Moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on Earth. Which of these two opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
口语
Do you agree that childhood is the happiest (or precious) time in life

Whether money should spend as much as possible on exploring outer space or spend this money for our basic needs on earth, it is a question to governments to make a descion. I think spending all of money on outer space is not a wise choice; because of so much social problems on earth. There are advantages and disadvantages which exist in this event.

First of all, the benefit we get from exploring possibly exceed the cost we spend on it. What benefit do we earn from exploring? Maybe only a bag of soil from Mars or some stones from Moon. Moreover, if governments spend so much money on outer space, they should think about the budget of financial administration. Considering deficit of finance, disadvantages that spending all of money on outer space , for example traveling to the Moon or to other planets, possibly outweight advantages.

Secondly, there are plenty of social problems which exist in conturies nowaday, for example rich-and-poor lap,  crimes, family violence, racial and ethnic inequality, violence, drug, problems of population, immigration, urbanization and so on. In this case, spending as much as money on outer space than on our basic needs on Earth, when considering so many exsiting problems in society, is lose of essential sympathy on the sorrow of human being.

Last but not the least, although disadvantages of exploring are much more than advantages, we should not overlook some convenient and comfortable life which company with the exploring of outer space. Such as GPS(Global Position System) which makes easy to traveling and fied exploring, and satellites which make us to predict change of weather. These conclude that we should keep balance on spending on outer space and cost on social problems.

In sum, these developments continue to change the world in which we live. Which aspect, how much money, and how long governments should spend money on, depend on a case-by-case study.

Speaking: I totally agree with childhood is the happiest life in one's life. Firstly, when one is a child, he does not need to sink in doring study life .He could do whatever he want . Secondly, he does not need to consider the future of life and endure the pressure of life in modern society. Thirdly, when one become elder, it is not easy to keep a pure heart. So I prefer childhood is the happiest period in one's life.

[ 本帖最后由 cuiwenli 于 2007-7-11 08:55 编辑 ]

PapillonFoxUID: 2171945

生如夏花第四次主题作业

Whether money should spend as much as possible on exploring outer space or spend this money for our basic needs on earth（开头的方式很好，但是改写一下我觉得会更好，就是所谓的paraphrase，尽量别照写原题目了。）, it is a question to governments to make a descion. I think spending all of money on outer space is not a wise choice; because of so much social problems on earth.（I think 后面说的是两个类比的示例，前面是完整句子，后面却不是了，有点不太协调，后面是不是可以改成 but so much social problems on earth also should not be ignored.） There are advantages and disadvantages which exist in this event.

First of all, the benefit we get from exploring possibly exceed the cost we spend on it. What benefit do we earn from exploring? Maybe only a bag of soil from Mars or some stones from Moon. Moreover, if governments spend so much money on outer space, they should think about the budget of financial administration. Considering deficit of finance, disadvantages that spending all of money on outer space , for example traveling to the Moon or to other planets, possibly outweight advantages(漂亮的句子，起初还没看懂呢，唯一的小瑕疵就是outweigh拼写错了).

Secondly, there are plenty of social problems which exist in conturies nowaday, for example rich-and-poor lap,  crimes, family violence, racial and ethnic inequality, violence, drug, problems of population, immigration, urbanization and so on. In this case, spending as much as money on outer space than on our basic needs on Earth, when considering so many exsiting problems in society, is lose of essential sympathy on the sorrow of human being.（nice part）

Last but not the least(这个短语究竟好不好呢，书中说这个是口语，不应该用在正式的文体中，详见《作文满分》P9), although disadvantages of exploring are much more than advantages, we should not overlook some convenient and comfortable life which company with the exploring of outer space. Such as GPS(Global Position System) which makes （it） easy to traveling and fied exploring, and satellites which make us to predict change of weather. These conclude that we should keep balance on spending on outer space and cost on social problems.

In sum, these developments continue to change the world in which we live. Which aspect, how much money, and how long governments should spend money on, depend on a case-by-case study.

折中式的写法，结构非常清晰，事例列举得也很有道理，还有几个非常漂亮的句子，这篇文章的分数应该不错，瑕疵就是单词拼写啊，非常可惜。呵呵，你的文章里也有AW的影子啊，那一大堆的social problems，我看的时候都笑了，因为我写的时候也考虑这些来着。

Speaking: I totally agree with childhood is the happiest life in one's life. Firstly, when one is a child, he does not need to sink in doring study life .He could do whatever he want . Secondly, he does not need to consider the future of life and endure the pressure of life in modern society. Thirdly, when one become elder, it is not easy to keep a pure heart. So I prefer childhood is the happiest period in one's life.
我下载了你的口语MP3，发现与上面的speaking完全不一样，我也不清楚口语应该怎么评价，所以就随便说说吧。
MP3：一开始就说three reasons，结果我只听到了两个，是因为时间不够吗？发音和内容还是比较清楚的。我还听到了汽车和摩托车的声音，模仿外界干扰？when one is a child能不能就不说了，感觉它们很占篇幅，把它们改成更加详实的内容。
Text： 3点有点空洞，刚说完一句就说下一点了，稍加解释一下会好些。第一点和第二点似乎可以合并来说。
PS：声音很好听，能不能加分啊:)

PapillonFoxUID: 2171945

别忘了到word里把单词拼写改一下