issue141 [0710G +U小组] --xiefen0223--第四次作业

xiefen0223UID: 2301911

题目：ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
字数：480          用时：80mins         日期：2007-07-28

"Just be yourself", which I paraphrase from an advertisement of a sport shoe, can easily promote people's motion to show themselves as they are. Today the individuality is always being praised and encouraged, for the reasons that it is not only benefit to one person as an identification but also shows the diversity of the society as a colorful world. But still, besides of the benefits of individuality, the arguer suggests that the conformity, rather than individuality, is more beneficial for the personal economic success. Refer to my understanding of personal economic success, i hold the view that both the individuality and conformity contribute equally to the one's career success.
To begin with, the conformity provide the fundamental basic for one to pursue success. Only when one can follow the conformity can he get the opportunity to be successful. To get a full appreciation of what this means we can turn to the policy of the company. When the company has job vacancy, it will give some basic requirements of the job and only the people who meet these can mostly be hired by the company; After getting the job, one should still follow the company policy and rules such as dress code to show a conformity, or else he will still be fired or punished by his showing of individuality. Even when one is having his own business, he will still need to obey the rules of the business world. So getting down to the fundament, i agree with the writer that personal economic success do require conformity.
But when considering the fact that personal economic success mostly depends on the person's ability, we can not exclude the individuality’s crucial role in one's career success. Having your own personality will make yourself different from others, which gives yourself identification, as well as the confidence. Along with the personality, one who believes in himself has the courage to take the risk bravely, which usually can bring him the success in the last. Moreover, the individually are appreciated by people these days, so keeping your own personality can easily attract others' attention and make yourself outstanding. In the movie of ' the pursue of happiness', William gained the opportunity to be an intern in a big company, which later opened an door to success for him, just because one superior in the company appreciated his personality such as the eager to be successful, the optimism attitude about life and the outgoing character dealing with people. So from these points, we can conclude that the benefit of the individuality to personal economic success is just as important as the conformity.
To sum up, while the conformity make it possible for people to stand at the same offset, the individuality find them a particular shortcut to the personal economic success, so people should obtain both and maintain a balance between these two.

ldsunUID: 2329026

谢谢你这么早发来，真的很方便我啦。

xiefen0223UID: 2301911

可是你还没帮我改啊～

ldsunUID: 2329026

好晕啊，昨天我确信改了啊，怎么回事？

可能没上传成功吧，今天重新上传一次。

[ 本帖最后由 ldsun 于 2007-7-30 17:54 编辑 ]

ldsunUID: 2329026

"Just be yourself", which I paraphrase from an advertisement of a sport shoe[加一个brand吧], can easily promote people's motion to show themselves as they are. Today the individuality is always being praised and encouraged, for the reasons that it is not only benefit[beneficial?] to one person as an identification but also shows the diversity of the society as a colorful[考虑下是否有更好的词] world. But still, besides of[去掉of] the benefits of individuality, the arguer suggests that the conformity, rather than individuality, is more beneficial for the personal economic success. Refer to my understanding of personal economic success, i[I] hold the view that both the individuality and conformity contribute equally to the[去掉the] one's career success.

To begin with, the conformity provide[provides] the fundamental basic[fundamental 和 basic 是同一个意思吧] for one to pursue success. Only when one can follow the conformity can he get the opportunity to be successful[be successful 不如写成succeed,怎样?]. To get a full appreciation of what this means[这里有点问题吧,写成this meaning怎样?] we can turn to the policy of the company. When the company has[a?] job vacancy, it will give some basic requirements of the job and only the people who meet these can mostly be hired by the company; After getting the job, one should still follow the company policy and rules such as dress code[这里不是很理解哦] to show a [去掉a]conformity, or else he will still be fired or punished by his showing of individuality. Even when one is having his own business, he will still need to obey the rules of the business world. So getting down to the fundament, i[I] agree with the writer that personal economic success do require conformity.[这一段说conformity有用,立意还是没有问题的,我也是这么想的,说是如果能把conformity的contribution说得清楚些,就好了,举的例子也是如此了.]
        
But when considering the fact that personal economic success mostly depends on the person's ability, we can not exclude the individuality’s crucial role in one's career success. Having[Possessing是不是要好些] your own personality will make yourself different from others, which gives yourself identification, as well as the confidence. Along with the personality, one who believes in himself has the courage to take the risk bravely, which usually can[can usually?] bring him the success in the last. Moreover, the[去掉] individually are appreciated by people these days, so keeping your own personality can easily attract others' attention and make yourself outstanding. In the movie of ' the pursue of happiness', William gained the opportunity to be an intern in a big company, which later opened an door to success for him, just because one superior in the company appreciated his personality such as the eager to be successful, the optimism attitude about life and the outgoing character dealing with people. So from these points, we can conclude that the benefit of the [去掉]individuality to personal economic success is just as important as the conformity.
[这一段是说individuality的,主要是说individuality makes different, 举的例子也很好,我觉得没有什么大问题啦.]
To sum up, while the conformity make[conformity makes?] it possible for people to stand at the same offset, the individuality find[individuality finds] them a particular shortcut to the personal economic success, so people should obtain both and maintain a balance between these two.

[这篇文章结构挺简单,容易让人理解.是不是这次很有感觉就写得快了些,中间有很多错误,不知道我指出来的对不对,however,我们应该尽量避免这些错误,因为太多的话很容易给ets暴露出写作水平]

[ 本帖最后由 ldsun 于 2007-7-30 17:52 编辑 ]