九月IBT－第十一次作业

foliage2005UID: 2244066

写作：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support our answer.

When it comes to experiences which seemed difficult whether can be valuable lessons for the future. Some people believe that these experiences only can frustrate people, and lead them down. Other people hold that experiences can be valuable lessons for the future. I totally agree with the latter opinion.

Firstly, difficult experiences can complete people's academic skills. I still remember, when I was a high school student, I had much difficulty in learning chemistry. It is extremely hard to learn so many words and terms by heart. I began to doubt my ability, since I never have any difficulty in learn any other subjects. When I became rational, I realized that I should try my best to do things that need my struggle. In that case, I paid maybe as 5 times as usual to learn chemistry. Until now, other subjects which were learned in high school are not in my memory, yet I still remember those chemistry words and terms, since I pay more attention on them.

Secondly, difficult experiences can build people's personality. When people are at low ages, maybe others cannot distinguish their differences in personalities, therefore, as the passed, as the differences in experiences, some people become more adamant, on the other hand, some people become more weaker. There is no doubt that it is the difficult experiences' work. At the first time people encounter difficulty, maybe some people win, some people defeat, in addition, there are two ways, an adamant person may be confident towards this, and a weak person may be frustrated towards this.

To sum up, as mentioned above, what difficult experiences can be, dependents on the personality of each person. As an adamant person, difficult experiences maybe provide a wonderful lesson to him, and lead him become stronger, however, as a frail person, difficult experiences maybe just beat the self-confidence which only exists, the person, on the other hand, maybe becomes weaker.

optoAzUID: 2313070

写作：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support our answer.

When it comes to experiences which seemed difficult whether can be valuable lessons for the future.（这一句感觉从句用得很多啊，使句子看起来有点冗余） Some people believe that these experiences only can frustrate people, and lead them down. Other people hold that experiences can be valuable lessons for the future. I totally agree with the latter opinion.
第一段干净利索点出来自己的主题，挺好的

Firstly, difficult experiences can complete people's academic skills. I still remember, when I was a high school student, I had much difficulty in learning chemistry. It is extremely hard to learn so many words and terms by heart. I began to doubt my ability, since I never have any difficulty in learn any other subjects. When I became rational, I realized that I should try my best to do things that need my struggle. In that case, I paid maybe as 5 times as usual to learn chemistry. Until now, other subjects which were learned in high school are not in my memory, yet I still remember those chemistry words and terms, since I pay more attention on them
例子很贴近生活，很形象。句子用的不错，长短结合，并且有很多连词让段落显得过渡平滑，不错
可是感觉这一段除了第一句以外都是一个例子，缺少对主题句必要的展开完善和总结，这里可以稍微改进一下。.

Secondly, difficult experiences can build people's personality. When people are at low ages（这个用法不太多见啊，不知道是否地道）, maybe others cannot distinguish their differences in personalities, therefore, as the passed（as the time passed?）, as the differences in experiences, some people become more adamant, on the other hand, some people become more weaker.(上面这一句读起来始终感觉有点拖沓，两个as短语摆在一起也不太舒服。On the other hand表另一方面，用在这里似乎不太合适) There is no doubt that it is the difficult experiences' work. At the first time people encounter difficulty, maybe some people win, some people defeat（被动？）, in addition, there are two ways, an adamant person may be confident towards this, and a weak person may be frustrated towards this.
这段我不太理解啊，开始是说困难造就了人的性格，把一开始毫无二致的人，变化为有的坚强有的懦弱，这个毫无疑问是困境的作用。可是之后又说，当坚强的人遇到困境就超越它，懦弱的人碰到困境就被它阻碍？那么这一段到底是说困境影响性格，还是性格决定了面对困境以后的结果？逻辑上似乎不太容易让人理解呢。另外这一段也缺乏detail支持。。MM你这一段一定是一边在群里聊天一边写的。。^_^

To sum up, as mentioned above, what difficult experiences can be, dependents（depends）on the personality of each person.（首段给出明确观点，末端又说Depends on?） As an adamant person, difficult experiences maybe provide a wonderful lesson to him, and lead him become stronger, however, as a frail person, difficult experiences maybe just beat the self-confidence which only exists, the person, on the other hand, maybe becomes weaker
MM这篇文章，最明显的问题就是总起段和第一个理由段是支持了困境对人对人有好处，会转化为将来的valuable lessons.可是从第二个理由段中间的部分，本来在讨论困境造就人格，可突然话锋一转，又变成了不同的性格导致了面对困境的不同结果。于是末尾段也就随着第二个理由段末，变成了depends on.这里明显能看出来MM思路有一跳跃过程，好像是写着写着总有新的想法冒出来。感觉上只有这一点有点前后不一致。
其他方面都很好，连词啊小词之类的应用挺值得俺学习的。这个题目说实话挺难的，练下手，考场上真见到了就不害怕了哈。
嗯，等MM给俺修改～～～
我们一起加油～