Argument2【0806G-Sunbird小组】第2次作业 by 冰棍

wode56585759UID: 2305566

Argument 2 .Thefollowing appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners
from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set
of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what
colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average
property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property
values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on
landscaping and housepainting."

2007-11-09   words 450   time:~~~

The Argumentassumed that the community should restrictions on landscaping and housepaintingon account ofraising the property values in Deerhaven Acres.The author has successful experiences of thecommunity nearby to go by. Brookvillecommunity adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should belandscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since thenthe average property values have tripled. There are several aspects exposingthe argument’s flaws:


First, the major problemwith this argument is that the situations among thetwo communities cannot be analogized together,even if the two communities close enough to be neighbor. The assumption can notestablish on the basis of argument without providing the similaritiesand differences comparison between the two sites forthe reason that the communication, the quality of the houses, the service inthe estate management, even who your neighborsare might determine the value of the property.
Despite the fact thatthe house painting and the landscape may somewhat influence the outlook imageof the houses, the community with unfortunate plan or terrible surrounding willnever attract the buyers’ eyesight.


On the other hand, the average property values have tripled in Brookvillemight not only because the unified color of housepainting. The Brookville communityadopted this set of restrictions in seven years ago, during this time the manychanges might take place. The average property values may rise by the improvementof the public facilities, environmental condition or the newly opened supermarket nearby.
                               
They setrestrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colorsthe exteriors of homes should be painted write off the individuality of thelandscape. Currently this is an era of personality unlike the old style in sevenyears ago, householder like to live in a place particularly design and buildfor him without identical with others’. Now progressively wealthy men like topay for the discrepancy, all the same look will make them feel boring.


Another flaw thatweakens this argument is that the propertyhigh value, not the mark of people’s preference for living there. So manyexpensive communities here in our country have gorgeous landscape but not everyone can afford the money and the time-consuming car run from the community tothe workplace.
            
In sum up,to establish the argument the arguer should provide more evidence forthe similarity condition between the two locations, prove that the situation isalmost the same with that at seven years ago. Further, what is the residencesright to decide weather to approve the restrictions, the administer apartmentought to listen the opinion from the residences, if not they may leave theredue to unsatisfied opposition.

wode56585759UID: 2305566

感觉写的东西不够形象，很虚的说教

Bellona0428UID: 2418798

The Argument assumed that the community should restrictions[restrict] on landscaping and house painting on account of [由于……，后面应该跟原因吧] raising the property values in Deerhaven Acres. The author has successful experiences of the community nearby to go by. Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then the average property values have tripled. There are several aspects exposing the argument’s flaws:[此开头的结构不完整噢，第一句既然提到假设，结尾处至少要说此假设不合逻辑，或不成立。最后一句没有承上启下]
。
First, the major problem with this argument is that the situations among the two communities cannot be analogized together, even if the two communities close enough to be neighbor. The assumption can not establish on the basis of argument without providing the similarities and differences comparison[comparison可以去掉吧] between the two sites，for the reason that the communication, the quality of the houses, the service in the estate management, even who your neighbors are might determine the value of the property.[这句主要是想说两者的差异吧，内容太多了，可以分开写。Even后面表达不清楚啊] Despite the fact that the house painting and the landscape may somewhat influence the outlook image of the houses, the community with unfortunate plan or terrible surrounding will never attract the buyers’ eyesight. [可以尝试写短句，这句也表述不清。语言可以尝试着简练、直白，但力求清晰、顺畅] [此段主攻两个地区的差异]
.
On the other hand, the average property values have tripled in Brookville might not only because the unified color of housepainting. The Brookville community adopted this set of restrictions in seven years ago, during this time the[the去掉] many changes might take place[take place可替换为 occur]. The average property values may rise by the improvement of the public facilities, environmental condition or the newly opened supermarket nearby.[可适当展开分析下，比较两个地区展开]     
。
They set restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted write off the individuality of the landscape. Currently this is an era of personality unlike the old style in seven years ago, householder like to live in a place with particularly design and being built for himself. Now progressively wealthy men like to pay for the discrepancy, all the same look will make them feel boring.[从现代人们的购房喜好取向出发，分析统一性对房价升高的阻碍，出发点好，但应紧扣主题说，结尾以feel boring结束，把逻辑思维写散了。]
。
Another flaw that weakens this argument is that the property high value, not the mark of people’s preference for living there. So many expensive communities here in our country have gorgeous landscape but not everyone can afford the money and the time-consuming car run from the community to the workplace. [此段分析了人们购房的他因，但文章的主题是：“采取限制是否导致房价翻升”，抓住这个主题展开分析，更有说服力]            
。
In sum up,to establish the argument the arguer should provide more evidence for the similarity condition between the two locations, prove that the situation is almost the same with that at seven years ago. Further, what is the residences right to decide weather to approve the restrictions, the administer apartment ought to listen the opinion from the residences, if not they may leave there due to unsatisfied opposition. [Argument主要想考察我们在遇到学术问题时怎样有效的展开逻辑思维来分析问题，解决问题，文章写得有点散]
请研究我在： 小组大帖一楼中 血荐的材料~~~~~ 文章改晚了~~请见谅，以后一定改正。

改的不对的地方，或有不同意见，请提出噢
我喜欢反复讨论
这篇文章我写得也很累，不流畅。

[ 本帖最后由 Bellona0428 于 2007-11-17 02:42 编辑 ]