thrive群第二次作业argument9

luckytseUID: 2453178

In the memo, the dean pointed that resulted from a new professor evaluating procedure Omega University implemented 15 years ago, Omega professors then began to assign higher grades in their classes, and the overall student grade averages there had risen by thirty percent. What’s more, potential employers apparently believe these grades are inflated and it leads to unsuccessful job hunting for graduates here comparing with the nearby Alpha University graduates. So the dean concludes that to enable its gradates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors. I, however, can not accept this conclusion for it's not well reasoned.

First of all, the dean falsely assumes the evaluation to be responsible for the high grades given by professors at Omega. Actually, it is entirely possible that for some reason, the reputation of Omega University has enhanced greatly and thus more better students come here to further their study. In this sense, the average quality of students improved more or less and it's naturally to see the the advancement. Or perhaps the Omega University just experienced a reformation and absorbed a lot of new professors which in turn brought in a bran-new system of grades presenting, of which, the grades are thirty percent higher catholically . Without rulling out all these alternative explanations for the average-grade increasing, the dean cannot convince me that by terminating student evaluation procedure of Omega would curb the high grade phenomenon.

Secondly, even if the potential employers believe the grades at Onega are inflated, the dean has not provided enough facts to convince that it is the inflation leading to the unsuccess in hunting jobs comparing with Alpha University graduates. For example, maybe these years Alpha University has developed a cooperation connection with the big firms nearby and, obviously, more employers in these firms will give the Alpha Uni graduates more chance. Nevertheless, Omega Uni graduates are still the most successful job hunters among the left ones or even are becoming more and more dominant in the field compared with them. Thus the dean needs more evidence to support his view.

At last, the dean fails to tell what does" successful" exactly mean. We cannot ignore the fact that as the competition in job hunting is getting more and more intense. Many young guys prefers to choose a potential work rather than a current "successful" one. In other words, even if the Omega terminates the evaluation procedures and make its graduates warranted jobs, it may not be better for most of the graduates for it curbs their splendid future career.

In sum, the dean's conclusion is unpersuasive as it stands. To strenghthen the argument the dean needs more to persuade us that, to enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega Uni should now terminate student evaluation of professors.


1 总体驳斥原文观点
2 并不只有评估项目导致教授们给高分的
3 即使分数贬值也不代表是它导致找工作不成功
4 攻击成功找工作的定义
5 总结

[ 本帖最后由 luckytse 于 2008-2-10 23:28 编辑 ]

WraithboyUID: 2283931

In the memo, the dean pointed that resulted from a new professor evaluating procedure Omega University implemented 15 years ago, Omega professors then began to assign higher grades in their classes, and the overall student grade averages there had risen by thirty percent. What’s more, potential employers apparently believe these grades are inflated and it leads to unsuccessful job hunting for graduates here comparing with the nearby Alpha University graduates. So the dean concludes that to enable its gradates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors. I, however, can not accept this conclusion for it's not well reasoned.First of all, the dean falsely assumes the evaluation to be responsible for the high grades given by professors at Omega. Actually, it is entirely possible that for some reason, the reputation of Omega University has enhanced greatly and thus more better students come here to further their study. In this sense, the average quality of students improved more or less and it's naturally to see the the advancement. Or perhaps the Omega University just experienced a reformation and absorbed a lot of new professors which in turn brought in a bran-new system of grades presenting, of which, the grades are thirty percent higher catholically . Without rulling out all these alternative explanations for the average-grade increasing, the dean cannot convince me that by terminating student evaluation procedure of Omega would curb the high grade phenomenon.Secondly, even if the potential employers believe the grades at Onega are inflated, the dean has not provided enough facts to convince that it is the inflation leading to the unsuccess in hunting jobs comparing with Alpha University graduates. For example, maybe these years Alpha University has developed a cooperation connection with the big firms nearby and, obviously, more employers in these firms will give the Alpha Uni graduates more chance. Nevertheless, Omega Uni graduates are still the most successful job hunters among the left ones or even are becoming more and more dominant in the field compared with them. Thus the dean needs more evidence to support his view.(红字部分论证比较无力，题目中说的是successful at getting jobs，一般理解为找工作成功，而你论述的是找到工作后再相关领域更成功）At last, the dean fails to tell what does" successful" exactly mean. We cannot ignore the fact that as the competition in job hunting is getting more and more intense.（这一句和下面逻辑上不关联） Many young guys prefers to choose a potential work rather than a current "successful" one. In other words, even if the Omega terminates the evaluation procedures and make its graduates warranted jobs, it may not be better for most of the graduates for it curbs their splendid future career.In sum, the dean's conclusion is unpersuasive as it stands. To strenghthen the argument the dean needs more to persuade us that, to enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega Uni should now terminate student evaluation of professors.文章言语，逻辑总体上不错。对于定义的攻击我感觉不是很合适，可以讨论下呵呵。

luckytseUID: 2453178

哦，我的意思没有表达明确，我是想说找工作比其他学校更成功。后面一句确实值得商榷，我再改改。多谢指点啊