作文求拍！！

多多鱼UID：2404190

Do you agree of disagree with the following statement, drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic.

Most people living in the big cities are familiar with the traffic jam. Additionally, most of them dislike this phenomenon, because it often wastes much time on road. Some people suggested that drivers who drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic should be pay extra fee. I agree with this suggestion, because it will benefit the traffic system in city.

Paying a fee during the heavy traffic time make the drivers find another road, instead of the one which is heavy. I have observed this phenomenon in my city. During the rush hour, drivers seldom think to change another way to go. However, there are other roads which are not heavy during that time. Probably, the drivers are not willing to choose another way because of the customs, or avoiding of wasting more patrol. If they are charged during this time, they will compare the charge with the extra patrol cost, and find out which is more economical for them. Theoretically, there must have some drivers prefer to change the way, after this comparison. Consequently, the streets are not as crowded as before, and the traffic problem is relieved.

Another advantage of this policy is that we can have more funds to solve the traffic problem and afford the cost which is caused by the heavy traffic. Once the streets are crowded, the government has to pay more money and labor on it. They have to employ more people to supervise the traffic safety, and spend more money on the maintenance of the roads. If the drivers are charged, these extra incomes can be used on these areas. Besides that, it also could be spent on building more new streets in city to lighten the traffic pressure. I believe that drivers can understand this policy, because this money, in the end, is spent on the areas  which will benefit everyone in this city.

To sum up, drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic. Of course, this fee should be not so high that ordinary people can not afford. I believe this policy will help the city to improve the traffic problem, and to make the people’s living condition more convenient than before.

kangzeshi1024UID：2446720

20-21

hyacinthUID：2184492

Most people living in the big cities are familiar with the traffic jam. Additionally, most of them dislike this phenomenon, because it often wastes much time on road. Some people suggested (→suggest) that drivers who drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of trafficshould be pay extra fee (→fees). I agree with this suggestion, because it will benefit the traffic (→transportation) system in city.

Paying a fee during the heavy traffic time make(→makes) the drivers find another road, instead of the one which is heavy (→instead of the heavy one. Heavy在这里可以考虑做个替换). I have observed this phenomenon in my city. During the rush hour, drivers seldom think to change another way to go. However, there are other roads which are not heavy during that time. Probably, the drivers are not willing to choose another way because of the customs (what customs?), or avoiding of (删去) wasting more patrol. If they (→drivers) are charged during this time, they will compare the charge with the extra patrol cost, and find out which is more economical for them. Theoretically, there must have (→be) some drivers (^who) prefer to change the way(这里也可以用route嘛), after this comparison. Consequently, the streets are not as crowded as before, and the traffic problem is relieved.

Another advantage of this policy is that we can have more funds to solve the traffic problem and afford the cost which is caused by the heavy traffic. Once the streets are crowded, the government has to pay more money and labor (attention) on it. They have to employ more people (T的作文要求specific,在正文中最好能不出现就不出现people这样的词) to supervise the traffic safety, and spend more money on the maintenance of the roads. If the drivers are charged, these extra incomes can be used on these areas. Besides that, it (指代不明) also could be spent on building more new streets in city to lighten the traffic pressure. I believe that drivers can understand this policy, because this money (考虑用expenditure?), in the end, is spent on the areas which will benefit everyone in this city.

To sum up, drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic(题目里虽然用的是这个定义, 在这里完全也可以用rush hours替换嘛.何况在开头你已经用过这个了). Of course, this fee should be not so high that ordinary people can not afford. I believe this policy will help the city to improve the traffic problem, and to make the (删去) people’s living condition more convenient (convenient修饰condition有点怪怪的) than before.

记得你的ID. 看完这篇文章之后，又翻了你之前的习作看。很高兴原来存在的一些问题在这篇文章里都有很大的改善。那么这样, 练习的目的基本上也就达到了。这篇文章破题，结构，以及收尾都非常不错。语言很流畅，有理有据，反应出作者拥有良好的书面英语表达能力。
想让文章更上一层楼, 那么就要多留意选词以及一些具体的表达, 这个已经不是我所能帮你的了,贵在平时的阅读和积累. 不过进行同义词替换的同时, 最好选择对释义有把握的单词, 不要为了替换而替换, 否则只能适得其反.
期待你的好结果~~

多多鱼UID：2404190

哈哈，谢谢楼主啊，我要回去好好研究一下了

qx02UID：186868

should be pay ---be paid ?  
第一段连用了两个because,  可以换用due to the fact that. 或 。。。
文章中好像应避免 i belive , i think 这样主观的永磁。

多多鱼UID：2404190

哦，我会考虑楼上的观点的，呵呵，3q