作文求拍.大侠们请看一眼吧.有拍必回!

gabby19832004UID: 2461820

agree or dis: observing or studying animals can help us to understand human nature（周六作业 ）
20:40
Several thousand years ago, our ancestor lived a relatively simple life. They earn their life by hunting or farming, also get well along with animals. The industrialization however, has made our life in 21st century more complex with the development of politics, science and culture. Especially the highly developed technology has changed the world and the people living in the world. In this situation, we hold on studying animals to understand them, but our real aim goes far beyond it nowadays.

First of all, like our predecessors, we oberving animals to understand human nature. We are all the creatures living on the earth. We have so many things in common: we breath air for surviving, we eat to sustain our lives, we also survive depending on each other. Aside from those necessities for life, we may share the same emotions or, perhaps, the same rationalities. Take the gorilla, our nearest relatives as an example. Have you ever stopped and observed them when in the zoo? If you did, you could definitely tell that they have the same emotional reactions like sad, happy or worry that are similar with our human beings. In scientific realm, expertises keep observing these gorilla to unveil the mysteries of our emotional fluctuation to improve psycology treatments for human beings.

Secondly, today the observation does not only help us to understand, but also helps us to get along with them in a harmonious way. By observing the creatures around us, we learn how to live more comfortable in the big family on earth. To live a better life, we need to be compatible with them first. Because we could not independent in the intricate biosphere. And we rely on each other for the very surviving of us. To be specific, most of us would have the experience of raising pets. The dogs keep companionship for us, they cheer us up when we are upset, and safeguard our fortune when we are away from home. The dog also need us to take care of. We should nurse them when they are sick, feed them when they are hungry. All of these healthy relationships between hosts and their dogs call for the hosts’ meticulous observation and study to figure out the superior way to get along with them.

By and large, with the meteoric progress in civilization of human beings, we ought to pay more attention to the creatures around us, not only for the benefit of understanding human beings, but also for a better world for both animals and ourselves.

迷茫者UID: 2514662

Several thousand years ago, our ancestor lived a relatively simple life. They earn their life by hunting or farming, also get well along with animals. The industrialization however, has made our life in 21st century more complex with the development of politics, science and culture. Especially the highly developed technology has changed the world and the people living in the world. In this situation, we hold on studying animals to understand them, but our real aim goes far beyond it nowadays(开头偏题~~~不能光靠最后句拉下, 前面几句根本看不出人性和动物研究的东西). First of all, like our predecessors, we oberving animals to understand human nature. We are all the creatures living on the earth. We have so many things in common: we breath air for surviving, we eat to sustain our lives, we also survive depending on each other. Aside from those necessities for life, we may share the same emotions or, perhaps, the same rationalities. Take the gorilla, our nearest relatives as an example. Have you ever stopped and observed them when in the zoo? If you did, you could definitely tell that they have the same emotional reactions like sad, happy or worry that are similar with our human beings. In scientific realm, expertises keep observing these gorilla to unveil the mysteries of our emotional fluctuation to improve psycology treatments for human beings. Secondly, today the observation does not only help us to understand, but also helps us to get along with them in a harmonious way. By observing the creatures around us, we learn how to live more comfortable in the big family on earth. To live a better life, we need to be compatible with them first. Because we could not (be)independent in the intricate biosphere. And we rely on each other for the very surviving of us. To be specific, most of us would have the experience of raising pets. The dogs keep companionship for us, they cheer us up when we are upset, and safeguard our fortune when we are away from home. The dog also need us to take care of. We should nurse them when they are sick, feed them when they are hungry. All of these healthy relationships between hosts and their dogs call for the hosts’ meticulous observation and study to figure out the superior way to get along with them.|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE\%K2Y Bt.li5Au By and large, with the meteoric progress in civilization of human beings, we ought to pay more attention to the creatures around us, not only for the benefit of understanding human beings, but also for a better world for both animals and ourselves.

文字语句上~~就不做评论了~~~还是很好的 内容上,这次有点偏~~可能比较赶的问题 没看透题目~~~说的是观察和学习动物是否对人们了解"人性"(human nature)有帮助!!~ 看你第一个论点段时就有点 偏的感觉(你的观点是有帮助~应该着重论述怎么有帮助了? 比如以你的观点 应该具体点:因为类和动物有很多共同的情感 such as XX XX.....所以观察和研究动物有助于更好的learn, judge or speculate人性, 再举个例子.......  不过还好~第一论点段的最后一举很及时的拉回来了  说了 研究动物 对 人性的正面作用~~虽然还是有点偏(你说的是心理治疗) 第二个论点段  就直接扯骗了  没看到有关human nature 的东西了~~ 另外建议下: 是否还有足够的时间?~~~如果有的话 最好把开头的万能段改进下!!虽然万能段 能起到省时的作用~~但用的不好 就会怎么看怎么别扭! 乍一看 还会造成偏题的感觉!!!   个人认为你的万能段 只使用范围有点限 以上评论 个人愚见! 若觉不对 一笑而过!

gabby19832004UID: 2461820

谢谢你的批改.
关于开头,是不太好.我自己乍一看也觉得跑题了.需要好好修改.
第二段的话,我觉得不是偏题.可以看作是思维演进,就是说除了题目说的作用还有其他作用,给题目范围做补充.不知道我的理解是否正确.也要大家多指点.

迷茫者UID: 2514662

可能是我理解的范围有点小了~~~

至于开头段~~:  万能段 最好不要太多的具体东西~~这样会限制你的使用范围~~~~~~也就是说 适度的"废话" 可以写个1 到2句~~这样写第一段 就完全不用动脑~~只要把 问题抄下来 插进 自己的万能段中  就OK了 很方便 省时间~~~我的就是这样出来的!
但注意 "废话" 不要太那个了 就行~~~~~~~~~个人见解

gabby19832004UID: 2461820

万分感谢!~每次都能从你的批改中学到很多东西!~