COMEON-----作文小组-shuchendsc-10.24作业

shuchendscUID: 2426680

Do you agree with the following statement:
nowadays people spend too much time on personal enjoyment
--things they like to do--
rather than the things they should do.（2008年03月7-8日,生活习惯类）

At first sight, the statement seems to match with current situations that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment, but further reflection reviews that the speaker fails to take all kinds of people into account. In other words, he just focuses on famous persons who enjoy themselves too much while overlooks some people who fight for their responsibility in a low profile.

Admittedly, there are some kinds of people tend to enjoy themselves after becoming rich or famous. Take Chen Guanxi, a famous actor and singer in China, for example, the once pure cute guy loved by so many people incredibly turned into a man eager for lust and made scandals with so many famous women. He is the kind of person who spent so much time on personal enjoyment that he almost forgot his responsibility as a popularity is to live up to his reputation and make a good example to the public.

However, the existence of this kind of people is not an evidence to sentence all people guilty. The best justification appears when disasters occur. As we all know, a severe earthquake attacked China this year; meanwhile, many moving stories came into being. Soldiers set up their pace to advance into the destroyed area regardless of danger and difficulties; Doctors arrived at first time to rescue the injured and help the trapped; Officers got to the front to make arrangements despite their unfinished documents on the desk... These people chose to throw themselves into danger rather than stay at home talking and laughing with their families. Why do these people choose to be so “stupid"? Because they know exactly what they should do to live up to their responsibility! The reason why we don't sense them is that they are so common in a mass.

Thereby, don't be misled by those famous persons who enjoy them selves too much. There surely are people who take what they should do in the first place!

[ 本帖最后由 shuchendsc 于 2008-10-25 22:46 编辑 ]

jimibtUID: 2560923

|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE1C]%[c+IAt first sight, the statement seems to match with current situations that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment（尽量不要复制题目中的部分，这样显得词汇单薄）, but further reflection reviews that the speaker fails to take all kinds of people into account. In other words, he（he or she或者the topic） just focuses on famous persons who enjoy themselves too much while overlooks some people who fight for their responsibility in a low profile(觉得用在这不恰当，但不知道怎么改,a low profile status?).
!fE*IB
m9}9b`:I.f|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE2xJsA~gIXb
Admittedly, there are somekinds of people tend(tending) to enjoy themselves after becoming rich or famous.Take Chen Guanxi, a famous actor and singer in China, for example,(take ** as a example) theonce(former) pure cute guy loved by so(建议去掉) many people incredibly turned into a maneager for lust and made scandals with so many famous women. He is thekind of person who spent(have spent) so much time on personal enjoyment that healmost forgot(forget) his responsibility as a popularity(celebrity) is to live up to hisreputation（重复，建议删去） and make a good example to the public.|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREWW%tW#JM

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?7h+`Qn[@RHowever,the existence of this kind of people is not an evidence to sentence allpeople（people's） guilty. The best justification appears when disasters occur. Aswe all know, a severe earthquake attacked China this year; meanwhile,many moving stories came into being. Soldiers set up their pace toadvance into the destroyed area regardless of danger and difficulties;Doctors arrived at first time to rescue the injured and help thetrapped; Officers got to the front to make arrangements despite theirunfinished documents on the desk... Thesepeople chose to throw themselves into danger(dangers) rather than stay at hometalking and laughing with their families. Why do these people choose tobe so “stupid"? Because they know exactly what they should do to liveup to their responsibility! The reason why we don't sense(不懂这句话想表达的意思) them is thatthey are so common in a mass.4EIp3l
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Thereby, don't be misled bythose famous persons who enjoy them selves too much. There surely are（建议加many）people who take what they should do in the first place!
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M+[-b
KL*W2Z5k觉得表达和用词需要注意，尽量换不同的词。

[ 本帖最后由 jimibt 于 2008-10-25 23:58 编辑 ]

qawsedUID: 2359935

这篇文章论述了famous people做自己的事，而没有谈大众，有些以点盖面了，导致论证有漏洞。
另外正面论述那段有点少。

这个长句建议改为：He is the kind of person who spent so much time on personal enjoyment that he almost forgot his responsibility----that is, as a popularity, he is resonsible to live up to his reputation and make a good example to the public.

many moving stories came into being这句是什么意思啊，可以这么说吗？

jimibtUID: 2560923

之前改了一遍，没想到网站保存的时候出了问题。

只保存了修改好的第一段。

又改了一遍。

各位xdjm要注意保存啊。