argument53【FF小组】 by duyuan3377

duyuan3377UID: 2415765

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 245+*=383          TIME: 00:30:00 + 10mins        DATE: 2008-11-25 19:18:01

In the argument the arguer concludes that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. The argument is mainly based on the study about 25 infants which indicates these infants' signs of mild distress relate to their mothers' production of melatonin. Another piece of evidence presented to support the argument is that a follow-up study shows these children identified themselves as shy. This argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

To begin with, the study is not persuasive. Firstly, only 25 infants are too few to make a general conclusion and whether they are representative is questionable. In order to establish a strong correlation between the shyness and the melatonin, the study's samples must be sufficient in size and representative of the overall population of infants. Lacking evidence of a sufficiently representative sample, the author cannot rely on it to draw any conclusion. Secondly, the researchers simply assume that these infants showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice because of the melatonin. But they fail to compare these infants with control group. As a result, it is exactly possible that this kind of mild distress is sort of normal reaction of human beings regardless of the level of melatonin.

Even assuming the study is reliable enough, it is unwarranted to draw the conclusion that the shyness of the infants continues into later life. On one hand, whether the self-evaluation of these teenagers is valid is still problematic. For teenagers it is too difficult to evaluation their own characters objectively without enough psychological knowledge. After all, teenagers are very likely to feel shy and lonely because they are in the period of adolescence. On the other hand, the development of person’s character is a comprehensive process and there are all kinds of other factors influencing on it apart from the level of melatonin, such as living environment, education etc.
  
In sum, the argument actually has several flaws as discussed above, and is not convincing as it stand. To solidify the argument, the arguer would need more representative samples, and would have to provide specific evidence that there is a strong correlation between shyness and melatonin.

alpskyUID: 2438084

argument53【FF小组】 by duyuan3377

TOPIC:ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliarstimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknownvoice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than otherinfants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when theirmothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brainfunctions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight.In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half ofthese children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identifiedthemselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birthcause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 245+*=383          TIME: 00:30:00 + 10mins        DATE: 2008-11-25 19:18:01

In the argument the arguerconcludes that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shynessduring infancy and this shyness continues into later life. 《————这一句我们两是不是雷同了，ets会不会算作雷同处理？The argumentis mainly based on the study about 25 infants which indicates theseinfants' signs of mild distress relate to their mothers' production ofmelatonin. Another piece of evidence presented to support the argumentis that a follow-up study shows these children identified themselves asshy. This argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

To begin with, the study isnot persuasive. Firstly, only 25 infants are too few to make a generalconclusion and whether they are representative is questionable. Inorder to establish a strong correlation between the shyness and themelatonin, the study's samples must be sufficient in size andrepresentative of the overall population of infants. Lacking evidenceof a sufficiently representative sample, the author cannot rely on itto draw any conclusion. 这个论述的还蛮详细的，不错Secondly, the researchers simply assume thatthese infants showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliarstimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voicebecause of the melatonin. But they fail to compare these infants withcontrol group. As a result, it is exactly possible that this kind ofmild distress is sort of normal reaction of human beings regardless ofthe level of melatonin.
指出调查方面的错误。包括调查的对象人数和是否具有代表性，以及调查的方式存在问题

Even assuming 让步the study isreliable enough, it is unwarranted to draw the conclusion that theshyness of the infants continues into later life. On one hand, whetherthe self-evaluation of these teenagers is valid is still problematic.For teenagers it is too difficult to evaluation their own charactersobjectively without enough psychological knowledge. After all,teenagers are very likely to feel shy and lonely because they are inthe period of adolescence这个可以加个定语啥的描述青春期的特点. On the other hand, 还有这个第二方面是不是和第一方面的关于青春期有重复了呀the development ofperson’s character is a comprehensive process and there are all kindsof other factors influencing on这个不知道是不是多余的 it apart from the level of melatonin,such as living environment, education etc. 最好不要用缩写
对结论后半的推导提出质疑，感觉缺少一段，一是我总是觉得argument的错误应该写3段，这一篇其实错误蛮多的，但是看你的错误找的不多。第一段调查的错误找得蛮详细的，建议你看看范文或者参考的提纲。但是我也不知道是不是没有找出全部错误ets就会给低分，因为很多时候错误的组织也蛮难的，加上时间有限，是一个矛盾。
  
In sum, the argumentactually has several flaws as discussed above, and is not convincing asit stand. stands？To solidify the argument, the arguer would need morerepresentative samples, and would have to provide specific evidencethat there is a strong correlation between shyness and melatonin.
感觉你的语句方面的错误比较少，应该蛮细心的，但是找错误方面可能还是需要加强下~加油~

duyuan3377UID: 2415765

那个应该不会判雷同的，范文里也这个用，用的人肯定多~

恩，谢谢啦~这篇我写的纠结死了~找错误确实找的不好，攻击的深度也不够~

谢谢Alpsky拍哈~~:)

[ 本帖最后由 duyuan3377 于 2008-11-26 22:19 编辑 ]