Argument131 请猛劈

roinyouUID: 2447501

29号的 argument131 作业，请指教！
感谢各位G友的指教和支持！

In this enviromental newsletter, the author claims that the decline of fish population in Tria Island is resulted from overfishing, not polltion, and furthur more, Tria Island should adopt the regulations that using in Omni to protect Tria's marine wildlife. The author concludes these claims with several  assumptions , nevertheless, he/she has not providered subtantiated evidence to support his/her assumptions.  

First of all, the author assumes that  the Tria Island and Omni have the same reason for the decline of fish population. However, the author does not offer sound statistics or facts to support this assumption. It is entirely possible that the Omni Island truely suffer from overfishing while Tria actually is under the severe marine pollution which result into the decline of fish.

Secondly, even if the two region are due to the same reason for the decline of fish population, the author can not easily asserts that the reason is overfishing only by the fact that Omni ban the overfishing but the Tria not. Perhaps, the fact of less fish population has nothing with neither the pollution nor the overfishing.

Finally, even though the reason under the fall of fish population in both Tria and Omni are attributed to overfishing, the author can not garantee that taking the same policy could ultimately help  the fish could restore the same population  as before. Banning the fishing may help prevent the rapidly fall of fish population, however, the author can not offer persuasive reason that the policy could restore the population under the situation that the fish population have largely declined.

To sum up, the author has fallacies to draw the conclusion that taking Omni's regualtion in Tria could help restore the fish population. To streghen the recommendation, the author should give much more statistics or conduct surveys to support that Tria and Omni have the same scenario that decline the fish because of overfishing, and by banning fishing Tria Island could also restore the fish population.

[ 本帖最后由 roinyou 于 2008-12-29 22:16 编辑 ]

comb300UID: 2443633

In this enviromentalenvironmental newsletter, the author claims that the decline of fish population in Tria Island is resulted from overfishing, not pollution, and further more, Tria Island should adopt the regulations that using in Omni to protect Tria's marine wildlife. The author concludes these claims with several assumptions, ; nevertheless, he/she has not providered provided subtantiated substantiated evidence to support his/her assumptions.  

First of all, the author assumes that the Tria Island and Omni have the same reason for the decline of fish population. However, the author does not offer sound statistics or facts to support this assumption. It is entirely possible that the Omni Island truely truly suffer from overfishing while Tria actually is under the severe marine pollution which result results into the decline of fish. 为什么这个是可能的，假设需要论证支持。

Secondly, even if the two region regions are due to the same reason for the decline of fish population, the author can not easily asserts that the reason is overfishing only by the fact that Omni ban bans the overfishing but the->删除 Tria not does not. [Perhaps, the fact of less fish population has nothing with neither the pollution nor the overfishing.--> Perhaps, neither pollution nor overfishing is the result of population decreasing.] 同样缺乏论证，仅仅叙述作者的说法错误是不够的，需要用出例子或逻辑推理来批驳他的理论。

Finally, even though the reason under the fall of fish population in both Tria and Omni are attributed to overfishing, the author can not garantee guarantee that taking the same policy could ultimately help the fish [could-> to] restore the same population as before. 为什么不能？Banning the fishing may help prevent the rapidly fall of fish population, however, the author can not offer persuasive reason that the policy could restore the population这句话和前面一句意思一样，说了等于没说~~ under the situation that the fish population have largely declined. 仍然没有证据说明你的观点，单纯批驳作者观点的错误是不够的。

To sum up, the author has fallacies to draw the conclusion that taking Omni's regulation in Tria could help restore the fish population. To streghen strengthen the recommendation, the author should give much more statistics or conduct surveys to support that Tria and Omni have the same scenario that decline the fish because of overfishing, and by banning fishing Tria Island could also restore the fish population.

1.       Please use word editing before you submit the article as there're several spelling mistakes which could be rectified by yourself.
2.       Lack of evidence to prove why you think your theory is right whereas author’s has flaws.
3.       more words expected

1.       Good grammar with few solecisms.
2.       Clear structure and well organized.

Please notify me if any confusion occurs…   J

[ 本帖最后由 comb300 于 2008-12-30 09:46 编辑 ]

roinyouUID: 2447501

感谢comb300的悉心review，提出的意见也十分在点上。
这里我对上面的意见做自己的剖析，希望能得到更深入的探讨。
文字方面，我先抱歉，哈哈。我是直接AWP做完提交的，以后一定注意，自己先修整。
字数方面，我的能力还有待提高，每回都想写很多，但是都来不及，以后注意训练。
在论证方面，特别是第二段，你指出“为什么我这个是可能的”，这个不知道为什么需要证明，我们只是指出他们证据不足以完全证明结论，有存在其他可能性发生的可能。
至于最后一个论证，我其实是说omni的方法可能适用于控制OMNI鱼的减少，但是不能未必能在鱼已经减少情况下帮助恢复。所以后面这句话不知道为什么comb300说是和前面意思一样，不是很清楚。

希望能获得更广泛的交流！3Q

comb300UID: 2443633

额.. 呵呵 不好意思  可能我没有说清楚~~

First of all, the author assumes that the Tria Island and Omni have the same reason for the decline of fish population. However, the author does not offer sound statistics or facts to support this assumption. It is entirely possible that the Omni Island truly suffer from overfishing while Tria actually is under the severe marine pollution which results into the decline of fish. 为什么这个是可能的，假设需要论证支持。

It is entirely possible that the Omni Island truly suffer from overfishing. 这是你的论述，然而在原文中，作者叙述
Omni reports no significant decline in its fish populations. 这两个是完全对立的观点，从文章中没有看到你的论证过程，我不清楚你是如何得出这个结论的。Tria actually is under the severe marine pollution which results into the decline of fish. 这个是你的文中论述的，但是从作者的文章中，我们看不出究竟是什么造成了fish declining. marine pollution 也许是其中原因之一，但是你需要批驳作者为什么错了，为什么你认为pollution造成鱼数量减少的原因。或者，还是否有其他可能因素比如天气，温度等等也可能成文使鱼减少的原因。我所说缺乏论证是说 你在文中仅仅把你自己的结论写上去了，然而是什么导致你得出这样结论的东西你却没有说。

Finally, even though the reason under the fall of fish population in both Tria and Omni are attributed to overfishing, {{the author can not guarantee that taking the same policy could ultimately help the fish to restore the same population as before}}. Banning the fishing may help prevent the rapidly fall of fish population, however, {{the author can not offer persuasive reason that the policy could restore the population}}
我是觉得上面这段打大括号的两句话意思有些重复。都是说因为某些原因造成了unable to restore the population.

hehe, 个人意见... 仅供参考~~  ;d: ;d: