Issue7 【六人作文小组】第2周第2次作业

levinshireUID: 2559564

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

提纲：
摄像机是精确，但不可能取代书面记录
1.视频资料精确重现
2.记录更方便，接受起来也更直观
3.但是有些信息单靠视频无法记录，思想。只是重现，没有抽象提炼。
4.文字的魅力，诗歌，散文，Shakespeare
书面文字更重要

Has the video camera become a more important form of documentation than written records for it provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life, as the speaker maintained? In my opinion, the video camera is indeed a more accurate and convenient method to record our life, nevertheless, it could not exceed the importance of written records. Language and character has its own effect that video could never substitutes.

Admittedly, the biggest advantage of video camera as a way of recording is its accuracy. Video camera provides scenes exactly the same as they have happened, including replays of every single details. From any sorts of standards, that could be accounted as accuracy. A piece of traffic accident video provides detailed information more accurate than any descriptions of the witnesses. The same way, live broadcast of sport games directly shows to the audiences exactly what happens in the playing fields, which any newspapers or magazines can not do. In short, the invention of video camera offers human beings a most accurate method of recording what happens the world has ever seen.

Also, video camera is a more convenient way to record the life. Especially in the contemporary time when the operation of cameras is more and more easy, there are no needs for skills or special trainings to use the cameras. All we have to do is to aim the lens to the scenes we want to record and push the button. Although some skill of light and angle is required to guarantee the effect of recording, it is much easier than learning the writing and wording. What's more, video materials are more attractive and easier to be perceived than written records. During a PPT presentation, it is often that the pictures in the slices take the audiences' attention first. Comparing with paragraphs of characters, photos are easier to read.

However, given the all above facts, there are much more information that video can not record, such as thoughts, emotion feelings, or statistical analysis. One could never learn a philosophy thought through browsing pictures. And even if the video lessons are more and more popular today, the reading of the instructions written beforehand is the most crucial part of the videos. The biggest advantage of video camera is to some extent also its biggest disadvantage----it could only record things exactly as the way they happened, but could not go any further abstractive. In some degree, to abstract is the most significant ability of human beings. For the purpose of recording abstractive thoughts, pens are more appropriate than cameras.

Besides, the written characters have their own charm that could not be substituted by videos. In reading poems, essays or novels, one could experience the magic power of excellent written characters. There is a deeper spirit communication between the author and the reader by the form of written records. On the contrary, while watching a camera video, audience could not more than what are exactly taken down.

As a conclusion, although video camera provides a more accurate and convincing record of contemporary life, it could not lots of things written records could do. Only taking down exactly what have happened is far from enough to record human life. From that point of view, written records' importance is could not be substituted.

半妖UID: 2328063

Issue7 【六人作文小组】第2周第2次作业

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."提纲：摄像机是精确，但不可能取代书面记录1.视频资料精确重现2.记录更方便，接受起来也更直观3.但是有些信息单靠视频无法记录，思想。只是重现，没有抽象提炼。4.文字的魅力，诗歌，散文，Shakespeare书面文字更重要Has the video camera become a more important form of documentation than written records for it provides such an accurate and convincing是否在开头时可以稍微将题目改写下，例如accurate and convincing 换成precise and persuading. record of contemporary life, as the speaker maintained? In my opinion, the video camera is indeed a more accurate and convenient method to record our life, nevertheless, it could not exceed the importance of written records. Language and character has its own effect that video could never substitutes.另外，从你的开头来看，似乎强调的是文字记录的不可取代性，所以从篇幅的角度来看，是否该观点的论证篇幅需增加呢。

Admittedly, the biggest advantage of video camera as a way of recording is its accuracy. Video camera provides scenes exactly the same as they have happened, including replays of every single details. From any看到这种极端词汇，例如all, always, any ~~一般就容易引起他人的反驳，建议加个almost。当然词汇的精确性可以在后期进行修改。现在还是抓结构。 sorts of standards, that could be accounted as accuracy. A piece of traffic accident video provides detailed information more accurate than any descriptions of the witnesses. The same way, live broadcast of sport games directly shows to the audiences exactly what happens in the playing fields, which any newspapers or magazines can not do. In short, the invention of video camera offers human beings a most accurate method of recording what happens the world has ever seen.

Also, video camera is a more convenient way to record and present the life. Especially in the contemporary time when the operation of cameras is more and more easy, there are no needs for skills or special trainings to use the cameras. All we have to do is to aim the lens to the scenes we want to record and push the button. Although some skill of light and angle is required to guarantee the effect of recording, it is much easier than learning the writing and wording. What's more, video materials are more attractive and easier to be perceived than written records. During a PPT presentation, it is often that the pictures in the slices take the audiences' attention first. Comparing with paragraphs of characters, photos are easier to read.

However, given the all above facts, there are much more information that video can not record, such as thoughts, emotion feelings, or statistical analysis这句话并没有完全具体概括本段的内容，建议作为第二句。. One could never learn a philosophy thought through browsing pictures. And even if the video lessons are more and more popular today, the reading of the instructions written beforehand is the most crucial part of the videos. The biggest advantage of video camera is to some extent also its biggest disadvantage----it could only record things exactly as the way they happened客观性，可以算是video 和writing 最大的区别之一，但感觉这里论证的不够充分。个人认为是否可以将客观性的问题单独一段进行论述，这样的话让人觉得你的思想更加深刻。, but could not go any further abstractive. In some degree, to abstract is the most significant ability of human beings. For the purpose of recording abstractive thoughts, pens are more appropriate than cameras.(建议这句话调到段首，作为总起)

Besides, the written characters have their own charm that could not be substituted by videos. In reading poems, essays or novels, one could experience the magic power of excellent written characters. There is a deeper spirit communication between the author and the reader by the form of written records. 建议进一步论证。What kind of deep communication? Why not everyone feels the same when they read the same sentence? Is it because we use our imagination, we have different values. Because the subjectivity of writing records? On the contrary, while watching a camera video, audience could not more than what are exactly taken down.

As a conclusion, although video camera provides a more accurate and convincing record of contemporary life, it could not lots of things written records could do. Only taking down exactly what have happened is far from enough to record human life. From that point of view, written records' importance is could not be substituted.

总结:
总体你写的不错，语言读起来很流畅，而且段落的结构很清晰，先总观点而后用论据支撑，让人读起来很轻松。只是在结构的侧重点，以及具体词汇的使用上还需再加强。
另外。这个高频题还比较容易写，但是要写出新意比较难，如果想拿到较高的分数，在思想的深刻性上有待加强。

[ 本帖最后由 半妖 于 2009-1-18 13:52 编辑 ]

半妖UID: 2328063

Issue7 【六人作文小组】第2周第2次作业

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."提纲：摄像机是精确，但不可能取代书面记录1.视频资料精确重现2.记录更方便，接受起来也更直观3.但是有些信息单靠视频无法记录，思想。只是重现，没有抽象提炼。4.文字的魅力，诗歌，散文，Shakespeare书面文字更重要Has the video camera become a more important form of documentation than written records for it provides such an accurate and convincing是否在开头时可以稍微将题目改写下，例如accurate and convincing 换成precise and persuading. record of contemporary life, as the speaker maintained? In my opinion, the video camera is indeed a more accurate and convenient method to record our life, nevertheless, it could not exceed the importance of written records. Language and character has its own effect that video could never substitutes.另外，从你的开头来看，似乎强调的是文字记录的不可取代性，所以从篇幅的角度来看，是否该观点的论证篇幅需增加呢。Admittedly, the biggest advantage of video camera as a way of recording is its accuracy. Video camera provides scenes exactly the same as they have happened, including replays of every single details. From any看到这种极端词汇，例如all, always, any ~~一般就容易引起他人的反驳，建议加个almost。当然词汇的精确性可以在后期进行修改。现在还是抓结构。 sorts of standards, that could be accounted as accuracy. A piece of traffic accident video provides detailed information more accurate than any descriptions of the witnesses. The same way, live broadcast of sport games directly shows to the audiences exactly what happens in the playing fields, which any newspapers or magazines can not do. In short, the invention of video camera offers human beings a most accurate method of recording what happens the world has ever seen.Also, video camera is a more convenient way to record and present the life. Especially in the contemporary time when the operation of cameras is more and more easy, there are no needs for skills or special trainings to use the cameras. All we have to do is to aim the lens to the scenes we want to record and push the button. Although some skill of light and angle is required to guarantee the effect of recording, it is much easier than learning the writing and wording. What's more, video materials are more attractive and easier to be perceived than written records. During a PPT presentation, it is often that the pictures in the slices take the audiences' attention first. Comparing with paragraphs of characters, photos are easier to read.However, given the all above facts, there are much more information that video can not record, such as thoughts, emotion feelings, or statistical analysis这句话并没有完全具体概括本段的内容，建议作为第二句。. One could never learn a philosophy thought through browsing pictures. And even if the video lessons are more and more popular today, the reading of the instructions written beforehand is the most crucial part of the videos. The biggest advantage of video camera is to some extent also its biggest disadvantage----it could only record things exactly as the way they happened客观性，可以算是video 和writing 最大的区别之一，但感觉这里论证的不够充分。个人认为是否可以将客观性的问题单独一段进行论述，这样的话让人觉得你的思想更加深刻。, but could not go any further abstractive. In some degree, to abstract is the most significant ability of human beings. For the purpose of recording abstractive thoughts, pens are more appropriate than cameras.(建议这句话调到段首，作为总起)Besides, the written characters have their own charm that could not be substituted by videos. In reading poems, essays or novels, one could experience the magic power of excellent written characters. There is a deeper spirit communication between the author and the reader by the form of written records. 建议进一步论证。What kind of deep communication? Why not everyone feels the same when they read the same sentence? Is it because we use our imagination, we have different values. Because the subjectivity of writing records? On the contrary, while watching a camera video, audience could not more than what are exactly taken down.As a conclusion, although video camera provides a more accurate and convincing record of contemporary life, it could not lots of things written records could do. Only taking down exactly what have happened is far from enough to record human life. From that point of view, written records' importance is could not be substituted.

总结:
总体你写的不错，语言读起来很流畅，而且段落的结构很清晰，先总观点而后用论据支撑，让人读起来很轻松。只是在结构的侧重点，以及具体词汇的使用上还需再加强。
另外。这个高频题还比较容易写，但是要写出新意比较难，如果想拿到较高的分数，在思想的深刻性上有待加强。

[ 本帖最后由 半妖 于 2009-1-18 14:09 编辑 ]