argument66 拜托大家了

hwyireneUID: 200039

Argument66
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The following appeared in a letter from a firm providing investment advice to a client.
'Homes in the northeastern United States, where winters are typically cold, have traditionally used oil as their major fuel for heating. Last year that region experienced 90 days with below-average temperatures, and climate forecasters at Waymarsh University predict that this weather pattern will continue for several more years. Furthermore, many new homes have been built in this region during the past year. Because of these developments, we predict an increased demand for heating oil and recommend investment in Consolidated Industries, one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil.'
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The investment advice comes to a suggestion that the client invest in home heating oil retails, but it ungroundedly promised the market of home heating oil in that place and the continuing weather pattern, thus the advice is of little value. And I will make a full inquiry into the argument in the following essay.

Firstly, the arguer stated that the temperature in this region is typically low, but without specific definition of the so-called low temperature this illustration is of little sense to us. Right after that, the arguer makes a vague statement of the weather condition in this region while we have neither the data of the typical average temperature nor the materials on which the climate prediction is made, say nothing of the credibility we could lend on the study of weather forecaster from Waymarsh University. Therefore, a continuing weather pattern does not necessary require particular attention for maybe it's just as normal as usual, and we can not rule out the possibility that it's even above the typical temperature condition as in the past years. What’s more, the situation generalized meanly from last year’s data are far from sufficient to draw a conclusion.

On the following the arguer points out that many new homes have been built last year, and he foresees the thrive in heating oil market this year. However, we have no knowledge of the heating systems equipped in those new-built homes. Maybe they use central air-conditioner or air-exchanging system which requires no heating oil but other kinds of fuels. More still, we are not sure of the methods the local government take on heating project, and it 's possible that oil heating system may be an already obsolete one. The potential market now lies only in assumption, and unless a survey of the heating systems in this region is carefully conducted, a haste investment on this project is unwise.

At last, without the study of the heating principles, and the effect it will lay on environment, to invest in the retail of home heating oil we are risking a violation of the laws on environment protection. And also we are not certain about the cost of this heating pattern. Thus it's too optimistic to predict such good future too early.

In the final analysis, this argument, under the situation that necessary data are insufficient, inproperly suggests an investment on home heating oil in this region, while none of the exiting heating systems and new conditions are known to us, which make it an invalid one. And I suggest that this project be thought twice and more sound evidence be provided to ground this advice.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-31 at 22:34 ]

hwyireneUID: 200039

请大家帮忙改改吧:handshake
谢谢啦

meimei0212UID: 2112263

The following appeared in a letter from a firm providing investment advice to a client.
'Homes in the northeastern United States, where winters are typically cold, have traditionally used oil as their major fuel for heating. Last year that region experienced 90 days with below-average temperatures, and climate forecasters at Waymarsh University predict that this weather pattern will continue for several more years. Furthermore, many new homes have been built in this region during the past year. Because of these developments, we predict an increased demand for heating oil and recommend investment in Consolidated Industries, one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil.'
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The investment advice comes to a suggestion that the client invest in home heating oil retails, but it 【is】ungroundedly promised【that总觉得这个语法不是很对】 the market of home heating oil in that place and the continuing weather pattern, thus the advice is of little value. And I will make a full inquiry into the argument in the following essay.【这句话有没有太主观？】

Firstly, the arguer stated that the temperature in this region is typically low, but without specific definition of the so-called low temperature this illustration is of little sense to us.【在agru里是不是只用一种时态会更好一点呢？我在新东方听老师讲的】 Right after that, the arguer makes a vague statement of the weather condition in this region while we have neither the data of the typical average temperature nor the materials on which the climate prediction is made, say【s】 nothing of the credibility we could lend on the study of weather forecaster from Waymarsh University. Therefore, a continuing weather pattern does not necessary require【s】 particular attention for maybe it's【maybe这样会更好点吧不是在开头，状语要前置吗？】 just as normal as usual, and we can not rule out the possibility that it's even above the typical temperature condition as in the past years. What’s more, the situation generalized meanly from last year’s data are far from sufficient to draw a conclusion.【总觉得这一段没有结论句，最后一句像是纵深的论证】

On the following the arguer points out that many new homes have been built last year, and he foresees the thrive in heating oil market this year. However, we have no knowledge【information？】 of the heating systems equipped in those new-built homes. Maybe they use central air-conditioner or air-exchanging system which requires no heating oil but other kinds of fuels. More still, we are not sure of the methods the local government takes on heating project, and it’s possible that oil heating system may be an already obsolete one. The potential market now lies only in assumption, and unless a survey of the heating systems in this region is carefully conducted, a haste investment on this project is unwise. 【这几个列举他因很漂亮，句子又灵活，我要好好学习下】

At last, without the study of the heating principles, and the effect it will lay on environment, to invest in the retail of home heating oil we are risking a violation of the laws on environment protection. And also we are not certain about the cost of this heating pattern. Thus it's too optimistic to predict such good future too early.

In the final analysis, this argument, under the situation that necessary data are insufficient, inproperly【improperly】 suggests an investment on home heating oil in this region, while none of the exiting heating systems and new conditions are known to us, which make it an invalid one. And I suggest that this project be thought twice and more sound evidence be provided to ground this advice.【给点具体建议应该会使结尾更丰满】

hwyireneUID: 200039

谢谢meimei0212
第一次限时写的比较紧张
关于时态我的确是写乱了，开始是按照习惯用过去时，写到后面想起来，回来改但是遗漏了很多处，开头的语法混乱也是因为这个。谢谢提醒啦，以后要把这类不规范的语言剔出去。
第二段最后你的批评是很对的，写到那边突然发现这也是一个fault，匆匆把它加上去了，感觉上好象没写完。请问遇到这种情况是应该放弃这点把别的写好，还为了全面起见草草把它写上去好呢？