argument67 jingjing作业（kito）

jingjingtousUID：2164820

TOPIC：ARGUMENT 67 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."

Outline:
1 whether the measure of combination of the two garbage collection departments would be efficient is open to doubt. (the reliability of the report, the unfair service may exist )
2 the measure to the two libraries is distinct from the combination of the garbage department, only by imitating, we cannot expert the same result. The real declination of the users of Polluxton’s library has not been analyzed. Moreover, the residents in Polluxton may not enjoy the library in Castorville well for many reasons.
3 distinct samples. The different conditions of the two villages affect us to made any decisions about the two libraries.

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. By referring to the combination of the garbage collection departments in the two villages, the author recommendations that only using the library in Castorville seems logically reasonable.

However, with closer examination of the incidence of the measure of collaboration between the two garbage collection in Castorville and Polluxton, we might ask the question that whether the combination will bring the expected consequence of the improvement of the service and the saving of money. Obviously, we are not informed by the author that after the combination of the different garbage collection department, the relevant facilities and services for the residents of both villages would significantly enhanced. Although there are no reports concerning the complaints about the new garbage collection department being disclosing by itself, we cannot ensure that it is the case that the complaints have not happened. It is entirely possible that the new department conceal the inefficiency and the unsatisfied service of the garbage collection after the collaboration. In addition, the author has not guaranteed that both of the residents in the two villages obtained the equally treatment/service of the new department which located in Castorville because there is the possibility that the habitants in Polluxtion might acquire the comparatively worse service due to the distant location from the new department.

Moreover, even assuming that the combination brought about expected and excellent service to both citizens in Castorville and Polluxton, we should scrutinize the distinct measure the author strongly suggests has the equivalent effects on both villages' residents to enjoy the library in Castorville. Frankly speaking, I am strongly suspicious that the library in Castorville would bring the same convenience to the residents in Polluxton as to people in Castorville. Firstly, we are not informed that the traffic between the two villages are convenient for the journey by which both the habitants of distinct villages to enjoy. Perhaps it is a long distance for people in Polluxton to arrive at Castorville to take advantage of the resource in Castorville's library. Secondly, the author has not provide any information concerning the service of both libraries in the two locations before we cannot infer any conclusion based on the fact that the users of Polluxton's library has decreased by 20 percent that the library in Castorville did a better job than the one in Polluxton. It is highly possible that the library in Castorville has fewer users or the number of its readers declined more significantly than that of Polluxton. Thirdly, without comparison of the previous service and resource in both libraries and also without provision of the educational level, the economical and traffic conditions and the demographic statistics of both villages' populations, the implement which has been strongly supported by the author cannot keep a beneficial influence on the residents of both villiages.

Overall, the reasoning behind the author's suggestion that by imitating the combination of the garbage collection departments in the two villages, they could economize and improve the service by only using the library in Polluxton seems sound at the first glance. However, the differences between the two villages call for a refutation to this argument that before any decisions are made for the utilitarian of library we should evaluate all the alternatives and causes for the measure-maybe a combination of both libraries, maybe merge both of them into a new one in Polluxton.

感谢小花提出我一直以来都困惑的问题，感谢yogurt版主的帮助和启发，我要跟模板说再见了！！:victory:

bunnymz2005UID：2146758

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. By referring to the combination of the garbage collection departments in the two villages, the author recommendations that only using the library in Castorville seems logically reasonable. （这里有个问题我还是没搞懂，就是thesis的问题。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=134092 看了这篇帖子了么？ 我还是没太理解具有什么特征的句子才是thesis. 希望跟你探讨一下，呵呵）
However, with closer examination of the incidence of the measure of collaboration（晕了！中间的部分可以省略吧） between the two garbage collection in Castorville and Polluxton, we might ask the question that whether the combination will bring the expected consequence of the improvement of the service and the saving of money.（这里你可以举几个例外情况， 比如运费之类） Obviously, we are not informed by the author that after the combination of the different garbage collection department, the relevant facilities and services for the residents of both villages would significantly enhanced.（这里需要一个transition, 如Besides之类，还有这句话放在这里想表达什么意思呢？） Although there are no reports concerning the complaints about the new garbage collection department being disclosing by itself（这句话念起来很诡异的，是不是想表达没有报道但不代表没有之意呢？）, we cannot ensure that it is the case that the complaints have not happened. It is entirely possible that the new department conceal the inefficiency and the unsatisfied service of the garbage collection after the collaboration. In addition, the author has not guaranteed that both of the residents in the two villages obtained the equally treatment/service of the new department which located in Castorville because there is the possibility that the habitants in Polluxtion might acquire the comparatively worse service due to the distant location from the new department.（In addition 后边的部分似乎有些跑了，作者为什么要保证两村居民的同等待遇呢？好像没什么根据）

Moreover, even assuming that the combination brought about expected and excellent service to both citizens in Castorville and Polluxton, we should scrutinize the distinct measure the author strongly suggests has the equivalent effects on both villages' residents to enjoy the library in Castorville. Frankly speaking, I am strongly suspicious that the library in Castorville would bring the same convenience to the residents in Polluxton as to people in Castorville. Firstly, we are not informed that the traffic between the two villages are convenient for the journey by which both the habitants of distinct villages to enjoy. Perhaps it is a long distance for people in Polluxton to arrive at Castorville to take advantage of the resource in Castorville's library. Secondly, the author has not provide any information concerning the service of both libraries in the two locations before we cannot infer any conclusion based on the fact that the users of Polluxton's library has decreased by 20 percent that the library in Castorville did a better job than the one in Polluxton.（打击死我了， 看了n遍还是似懂非懂， 建议改短） It is highly possible that the library in Castorville has fewer users or the number of its readers declined more significantly than that of Polluxton. Thirdly, without comparison of the previous service and resource in both libraries and also without provision of the educational level, the economical and traffic conditions and the demographic statistics of both villages' populations, the implement which has been strongly supported by the author cannot keep a beneficial influence on the residents of both villiages.（这段的问题是长句太多，要注意长短配合，这样会让人看崩溃的。不过问题批得很详细）
Overall, the reasoning behind the author's suggestion that by imitating the combination of the garbage collection departments in the two villages, they could economize and improve the service by only using the library in Polluxton seems sound at the first glance. However, the differences between the two villages call for a refutation to this argument that before any decisions are made for the utilitarian of library we should evaluate all the alternatives and causes for the measure-maybe a combination of both libraries, maybe merge both of them into a new one in Polluxton.

Argument67中的错误很多，你可以再批一点，还有注意不要把句子都写那么长。
另外就是虽然每一点批得很详细值得表扬，但是不要太过了，这样才好。
你可以看看智恩的Argument67的body段，很简洁明了的，感觉很舒服。

[ 本帖最后由 bunnymz2005 于 2006-1-17 15:24 编辑 ]