issue51 偶的第一篇issue，球拍

abby221UID: 2178310

Education will be turely effectiove only when it is specifically designed to meet individual needs and intersets of each student.

提纲：1、每个学生的特点各异，只有因材施教才是最有效率的教育
         2、如果一味满足学生要求，没有适当的指导，则会导致教育的混乱
         3、学生的需求和兴趣是教育体系中最重要的环节，教育只有以此为出发点，以学生为中心，才是最有效率的

Can uniform curriculum design make education truely effective?Or does education have to be specially designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student?In my view although it is unadvisable to indulge students,the individuality of each student cannot be ignored.

It is true that education won't be effective ynless it becomes a system according to students' individual ideas.Every student had his own needs and interests in study,when their personal thoughts are sufficiently considered by teachers,they will feel to be honored and have ethusiasm to think,ask and act,therefore education will be more resultful.It is just like that a given kind of medicine is prescribed to the corresponding disease.If the medicine is unrelated with the illness,it will do nothing.Confucius,the ancient thinker,once said,(and I paraphrase),'We must bring education into effect on the grounds of various needs and interests of different persons.'Interest is the best teacher.The konwledge will be more easily accepted by the students only if they are interested in the lesson.

However,too much indulgence to students will consequentially cause chaos in education.Some students have no aim at study.It is difficult for them to make sure their very needs and interests.Reasonable curriculum design can operate as an instruction to these students.There was a report in Changjiang Daily of yesterday said that a survey recently taken at HZAU(Hua Zhong Agriculture University)suggested that in five hundred sophomores,23.8% of them knew nothing about their needs and interests in study,69.4% of them had ambiguous goals for thier future,only 6.8% of them distinctly knew what they wanted.From the data,it is obvious that little students have adequate realization about their needs and interests.If they are not educated by uniform curriculum,they will be confused zbout what to learn.

Individual needs and interests of each student is the most factor in education.It cannot be ignored.The aim of the education is instructing students how to realize their needs and develop their interests .Anyhow,students are the real center of education.A well-educated person.who generate a lot of value to society,is always the one who deeply develops his interests.How to evaluate the efficiency of the education?I believe the most faithful criterion is the achievements of the students.

In the 70s and 80s of twentieth century,students in the universities of China were taught uniform curriculum at the same major.After graduating from school they engaged in the similar areas.While since 90s,different students could choose diverse subjects according their needs and interests.Because of individualities,they chose different courses and educated their interests more sufficiently.They went to various working stations after several years being individually educated.Ture indeed,they eorked much more actively and achieve larger efforts.Not everyone is suitable to a certain educational way.The students who are interested in scientific research should be supplied sufficient chances to experiment.While the students who prefer to management and operation should join in the society as early as possible and endure gloom.Different teaching ways must be specifically designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student.

We may be comfortable to draw a conclusion that education department should consider the individual needs and interests of each students as the key to enhance the effect of education.

jackloveUID: 183611

提纲：1、每个学生的特点各异，只有因材施教才是最有效率的教育
         2、如果一味满足学生要求，没有适当的指导，则会导致教育的混乱
         3、学生的需求和兴趣是教育体系中最重要的环节，教育只有以此为出发点，以学生为中心，才是最有效率的

2,3应该换一下，不然文章看起来比较乱，我都差点不知道你倾向是事么了！

jackloveUID: 183611

Can uniform curriculum design make education truely effective?Or does education have to be specially designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student?In my view although it is unadvisable to indulge students,the individuality of each student cannot be ignored.
开头形式还比较好，但表达你的观点，这词Indulge我感觉这里不太合适！

It is true that education won't be effective ynless it becomes a system according to students' individual ideas这句话似乎不好.Every student had his own needs and interests in study,when their personal thoughts are sufficiently considered by teachers,they will feel to be honored and have ethusiasm to think,ask and act,therefore education will be more resultful.It is just like that a given kind of medicine is prescribed to the corresponding disease.If the medicine is unrelated with the illness,it will do nothing.Confucius,the ancient thinker,once said,(and I paraphrase),'We must bring education into effect on the grounds of various needs and interests of different persons.'Interest is the best teacher.The konwledge will be more easily accepted by the students only if they are interested in the lesson.
类比还比较好些！ 小错误不少

However,too much indulgence to students will consequentially cause chaos in education.Some students have no aim at study.It is difficult for them to make sure their very needs and interests.Reasonable curriculum design can operate as an instruction to these students.There was a report in Changjiang Daily of yesterday said that a survey recently taken at HZAU(Hua Zhong Agriculture University)suggested that in five hundred sophomores,23.8% of them knew nothing about their needs and interests in study,69.4% of them had ambiguous goals for thier future,only 6.8% of them distinctly knew what they wanted.From the data,it is obvious that little students have adequate realization about their needs and interests.If they are not educated by uniform curriculum,they will be confused zbout what to learn.从上面的数据推出这个结论太牵强了，

Individual needs and interests of each student is the most factor in education.It cannot be ignored.The aim of the education is instructing students how to realize their needs and develop their interests .Anyhow,students are the real center of education.A well-educated person.who generate a lot of value to society,is always the one who deeply develops his interests.How to evaluate the efficiency of the education?I believe the most faithful criterion is the achievements of the students. 比较乱，错误偏多！红色的地方是我觉得有错误

In the 70s and 80s of twentieth century,students in the universities of China were taught uniform curriculum at the same major.After graduating from school they engaged in the similar areas.While since 90s,different students could choose diverse subjects according their needs and interests.Because of individualities,they chose different courses and educated their interests more sufficiently.They went to various working stations after several years being individually educated.Ture indeed,they eorked much more actively and achieve larger efforts.Not everyone is suitable to a certain educational way.The students who are interested in scientific research should be supplied sufficient chances to experiment.While the students who prefer to management and operation should join in the society as early as possible and endure gloom.Different teaching ways must be specifically designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student.

We may be comfortable to draw a conclusion that education department should consider the individual needs and interests of each students as the key to enhance the effect of education.

整个文章就是有点乱，你在整整思路。
第一篇  那还不错了
写了不少。

abby221UID: 2178310

呵呵 现在觉得二三段是应该换换
写的时候就觉得很不顺，想换句式，却又不知道怎样用才是对的，所以老是出现错误，回去再改改，谢谢你拍我哦，呵呵！``

neverstopcowUID: 2149686

Education will be turely effectiove only when it is specifically designed to meet individual needs and intersets of each student.

提纲：1、每个学生的特点各异，只有因材施教才是最有效率的教育
         2、如果一味满足学生要求，没有适当的指导，则会导致教育的混乱
         3、学生的需求和兴趣是教育体系中最重要的环节，教育只有以此为出发点，以学生为中心，才是最有效率的

Can uniform curriculum design make education truely effective?Or does education have to be specially designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student?In my view although it is unadvisable to indulge students,the individuality of each student cannot be ignored.

It is true that education won't be effective ynless（unless） it becomes a system according to students' individual ideas.Every student had his own needs and interests in study,when their personal thoughts are sufficiently considered by teachers,they will feel to be honored and have ethusiasm to think,ask and act,therefore education will be more resultful.It is just like that a given kind of medicine is prescribed to the corresponding disease.If the medicine is unrelated with the illness,it will do nothing(it will make little sense).Confucius,the ancient thinker(换个词吧，教育家，哲学家都行吧),once said,(and I paraphrase),'We must bring education into effect on the grounds of various needs and interests of different persons.'Interest is the best teacher.The konwledge will be more easily accepted by the students only if they are interested in the lesson.（这一段有点乱，感觉是想到那里写到那里，缺少coherent.比方那据经典的兴趣是最好的老师，这么好的论据完全可以放在前面作个总领或者TS后的扩展句）

However,too much indulgence to students will consequentially cause chaos in education.Some students have no aim at study.It is difficult for them to make sure their very needs and interests.Reasonable curriculum design can operate as an instruction to these students.There was a report in Changjiang Daily of yesterday said that a survey recently taken at HZAU(Hua Zhong Agriculture University)（楼主是武汉的？！）suggested that in five hundred sophomores,23.8% of them knew nothing about their needs and interests in study,69.4% of them had ambiguous goals for thier future,only 6.8% of them distinctly knew what they wanted.From the data,it is obvious that little students have adequate realization about their needs and interests.If they are not educated by uniform curriculum,they will be confused zbout what to learn.（你也上过新东方是把，我总觉得这种纯粹编的方法不是很可行，也不是很可信，不过用在这里似乎效果还不错，anyway,个人看法  ）

Individual needs and interests of each student is the most factor in education.It cannot be ignored.The aim of the education is instructing students how to realize their needs and develop their interests .Anyhow,students are the real center of education.A well-educated person.who generate a lot of value to society,is always the one who deeply develops his interests.How to evaluate the efficiency of the education?I believe the most faithful criterion is the achievements of the students.（这段首先摆在这里不适合，承上启下也不象上面一段说有时候不能重视个人兴趣，下面一段是说个人兴趣北满足的好处，到底想说啥。前面半段还不错，就是位置有点不队，后面半段跑题了）

In the 70s and 80s of twentieth century,students in the universities of China were taught uniform curriculum at the same major.After graduating from school they engaged in the similar areas.（不会把，七八十年代虽说比较落后，但是也是出了很多人才的啊，尤其是恢复高考后，很多现在都变成了各个领域泰斗级的人物啊）While since 90s,different students could choose diverse subjects according their needs and interests.Because of individualities,they chose different courses and educated their interests more sufficiently.They went to various working stations after several years being individually educated.Ture indeed,they eorked much more actively and achieve larger efforts（achieve合effort 搭配布当）. Not everyone is suitable to a certain educational way.The students who are interested in scientific research should be supplied sufficient chances to experiment.While the students who prefer to management and operation should join in the society as early as possible and endure gloom.Different teaching ways must be specifically designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student.

We may be comfortable to draw a conclusion that education department should consider the individual needs and interests of each students as the key to enhance the effect（efficiency） of education.
总结：整篇文章有点乱，楼主在动笔以前有没有仔细的构思过呢？建议写之前有个明确的提纲
倒数第二段没有有力的支持，没有TS.论点不明确
语言上有汉语的痕迹，建议多看范文
词汇上变换不多，建议多收集
拍的有点重，见谅

abby221UID: 2178310

构思是有啦，但是很粗略，基本上属于边写边想，难怪这么乱了``以后要改进！``

neverstopcowUID: 2149686

对了，还有点小问题忘记说了，一般习惯是在标点符号的后面空一格，楼主好像没有注意。

dudujasperUID: 2180289

提纲：1、每个学生的特点各异，只有[这里不要用只有，太绝对]因材施教才是最有效率的教育
         2、如果一味满足学生要求，没有适当的指导，则会导致教育的混乱
         3、学生的需求和兴趣是教育体系中最重要的环节，教育只有以此为出发点，以学生为中心，才是最有效率的

怎么觉得你的思路有点乱，建议一下：论证段顺序变化如下
P1：学生的需求和兴趣是教育体系中最重要的环节，教育只有以此为出发点，以学生为中心，才是最有效率的
P2：每个学生的特点各异，只有[这里不要用只有，太绝对]因材施教才是最有效率的教育
P3：如果一味满足学生要求，没有适当的指导，则会导致教育的混乱
其中P1、P2作为正面支持观点的段落[不过感觉你这两段的意思重复~]
P3作为一个让步段

Can [an] uniform curriculum design make education truely effective? Or does [the] education have to be specially designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student[delete 和前面的individual意思重复]?In my view although it is unadvisable to indulge[这个~你的indulge是指的什么意思呢？这个意思的转折的好突兀] students,[for,这里要有个连接性的词] the individuality[哈哈，这个词真是被你充分利用了] of each student cannot be ignored.


It is true that education won't be effective ynless[这个是什么？] it becomes a system according to students' individual[你~~无语~personal?] ideas.Every student had his own needs and interests in study, when their[前面是单数的说，这里最好也用] personal thoughts are sufficiently considered by teachers,they will feel to be honored and have [an] ethusiasm[拼错了 enthusiasm] to think[for thinking],ask[questioning] and act[practising], therefore education will be more resultful.It is [这种句式文章中最好少出现，出现1~2个足都了]just like that a given kind of medicine [which] [这里你要么把is也一并省掉，要么加which补全它] is prescribed to[for?] the[a] corresponding disease.If the medicine is unrelated with the illness, it will do nothing. Confucius,the[an] ancient thinker,once said,(and I paraphrase),'We must bring education into effect on the grounds of various needs and interests of different persons[person有加S的么？].'Interest is the best teacher.The konwledge will be more easily accepted by the students only if[这个用的太绝对了，压力 pressure也有这样的效果 ]they are interested in the lesson.
文章避免太绝对的语言表达的出现~


However,too much indulgence to students will consequentially cause chaos in education. Some students have no aim at study.It is difficult for them[educators,them指代的不明确的说] to make sure their[这里应该指的是前面那些没有目标的学生吧] very needs and interests. Reasonable curriculum design can operate as an instruction to these students.There was a report in Changjiang Daily of yesterday said that a survey recently taken at HZAU(Hua Zhong Agriculture University)suggested that in five hundred sophomores,23.8% of them knew nothing about their needs and interests in study,69.4% of them had ambiguous goals for thier future,only 6.8% of them distinctly knew what they wanted.From the data,it is obvious that [only a 怎么感觉好中式呵呵]little[few of][你要是用litte的话首先student是可数的，其次用little说明的是没有学生...] students have adequate realization about their needs and interests.If they are not educated by uniform curriculum,they will be confused zbout[about] what to learn.

Individual needs and interests of each student is[are] the most [most what?] factor in education.It cannot be ignored.The aim of the education is instructing[to instruct] students how to realize their [real] needs and develop[这个是动词] their interests. Anyhow, students are the real center of education. A well-educated person ,who generate a lot of value to society,is always the one who deeply develops his interests.[这句写的不好][而且这个说法也是太绝对] How to evaluate the efficiency of the education?I believe the most faithful criterion is the achievements of the students.

In the 70s and 80s of twentieth century, students in the universities of China were taught uniform curriculum at the same major. After graduating from [the] school they engaged in the similar areas. While since 90s, different students could choose diverse subjects according their needs and interests. Because of individualities[我无语了~~这个词看的我~~], they chose different courses and educated [这里怎么看怎么怪~你再好好想想] their interests more sufficiently. They went to various working stations after several years being individually educated[这句你是改编的别人的句子么？要是不是的话建议换换，总觉得有错误的说 ~].Ture indeed, they eorked[错了] much more actively[activities] and achieve larger efforts. Not everyone is suitable to a certain educational way. The students who are interested in scientific research should be supplied [more] sufficient chances to[on] experiment[不是很清楚你这里想说什么，不知道这么改对不？]. While the students who prefer to management and operation should join in the society as early as possible and endure gloom. Different teaching ways must be specifically designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student[delete].

We may be comfortable to draw a conclusion that education department should consider the individual needs and interests of each students as the key to enhance the effect of education.

语言：作文表达太中式，细节注意的不好，句式变化不多，使用的也不是很成熟，句子中式还有语法错误~~加油哦[俺也在努力中]
思路：正反正，关于最后一个论证段感觉你是想写出一个深入的扩展段，但是没有怎么把握好
论证：也有点中式，而且论证过程中出现一些很绝对的表达，这个方面以后要好好注意一些

不过对于第一篇来说已经可以了，要好好加油哦[P的有点厉害了呵呵~~]
由于能力有限，改的不对的地方请指出~

[ 本帖最后由 dudujasper 于 2006-2-26 23:02 编辑 ]

dudujasperUID: 2180289

原帖由 neverstopcow 于 2006-2-26 19:42 发表
对了，还有点小问题忘记说了，一般习惯是在标点符号的后面空一格，楼主好像没有注意。

这个也要好好注意哈哈~