argument53 留链回拍

小桶UID: 2183657

53.
提纲：
（1）文中melatonin的增加和婴儿的怀孕同在秋季，作者没有证据地假设他们有因果关系
（2）青少年时的羞涩有很多原因，如家庭环境，成长经历
（3）没有证据的推论羞涩会延续

At first glance, this argument doses seem to be convincing. However, after a careful examination, the argument's process of analysis is not cogent and the conclusion is misleading.

At the beginning, the causal relationship that, the increase of melatonin results to shyness during infancy, is unwarranted. The author simply assumes that things happen in the same time have causal relationship. However, this is not the case. It may be true that melatonin does affect some brain functions, yet there is no evidence that the affected functions relate to the shyness. Possibly it is the intelligence that has been affected and the IQ of the infants is lower than the level that it would have be. But being shyness is recognized as lacking of EQ. In this case, the assumed causal relationship absolutely leads minds astray.

In addition, the author makes a further assumption that the teenagers are shy since they are infants[换成since infancy] because of the melatonin increase before birth. [Yet] It is somewhat ridiculous. 13 years is such a long time frame for the teenagers to change a lot. How about the respondents who do not commit themselves shy? They may [Possibly they] grow up in an open environment, [: they] play with many friends who would be [would be->are] more likely to show themselves, and their parents encourage [and give opportunities for] them to do so, while the rest of the respondents have less time in communicating with other people. They may be sitting in their rooms [all the time], playing computer games or reading books along, and eventually lose the interest of communication, thus they become more shy [now] than in childhood. It is reasonable, therefore, for the author to focus on these influencing factors rather than the melatonin increase before birth.

What's more, aside from the ridiculous ratiocination about the reason of shyness in teenage, the author assumes that the shyness will keep in teenagers' later life. Yet future is full of change, you never know what a person will be like in several years. It has more than once happened that a shy person tries to be different[altered] to get more opportunities in searching for a job or to be popular amount girls, then he practises a lot and finally is more brave than average. In a word, no one can judge a teenager's future from his [current] expression now.

To sum up, with several aforementioned flaws, the conclusion that the shyness in infancy due to affection of melatonin increase before birth has effect on one's life are totally unreliable.

solariUID: 179721

At first glance, this argument doses seem to be convincing. However, after a careful examination, the argument's process of analysis is not cogent and the conclusion is misleading.

At the beginning, the causal relationship that, the increase of melatonin results to shyness during infancy, is unwarranted. The author simply assumes that things happen in the same time have causal relationship. However[可以考虑换个词,前面用了一个了,呵呵], this is not the case. It may be true that melatonin does affect some brain functions, yet there is no evidence that the affected functions relate to the shyness. Possibly it is the intelligence that has been affected and the IQ of the infants is lower than the level that it would have be. But being shyness is recognized as lacking of EQ. In this case, the assumed causal relationship absolutely leads minds astray.

In addition, the author makes a further assumption that the teenagers are shy since they are infants[换成since infancy] because of the melatonin increase before birth. [Yet] It is somewhat ridiculous. 13 years is such a long time frame for the teenagers to change a lot. How about the respondents who do not commit themselves shy? They may [Possibly they] grow up in an open environment, [: they] play with many friends who would be [would be->are] more likely to show themselves, and their parents encourage [and give opportunities for] them to do so, while the rest of the respondents have less time in communicating with other people. They may be sitting in their rooms [all the time], playing computer games or reading books along, and eventually lose the interest of communication, thus they become more shy [now] than in childhood. It is reasonable, therefore, for the author to focus on these influencing factors rather than the melatonin increase before birth.

我觉得第一段和第二段说得差不多,因为都说不一定是melatonin 的原因,个人意见:L

What's more, aside from the ridiculous ratiocination about the reason of shyness in teenage, the author assumes that the shyness will keep in teenagers' later life. Yet future is full of change, you never know what a person will be like in several years. It has more than once happened that a shy person tries to be different[altered] to get more opportunities in searching for a job or to be popular amount[among] girls, then he practises a lot and finally is more brave than average[usual]. In a word, no one can judge a teenager's future from his [current] expression now[now 重复了吧].
To sum up, with several aforementioned flaws, the conclusion that the shyness in infancy due to affection of melatonin increase before birth has effect on one's life are[is] totally unreliable.


第一次改,不对之处敬请原谅

solariUID: 179721

感觉你的文章写的句子表达的不错
逻辑错误希望找得好点,这样的话写就比较容易点吧

链接我的作文,比较臭,都是简单的句子

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1