同主题写作，topic15，有拍必回，请留下链接地址

timboyUID: 193944

自己修改了N遍，欢迎大家拍拍，有拍必回！（又重新修改了一遍，在第四楼:)，欢迎大家拍拍，感谢啦:)）Neighbors, living near us, unavoidably affect our daily lives in many aspects. Consequently, a good-quality neighbor is substantial to everyone. But what are the qualities in details of a good neighbor? As far as I am concerned, an ideal good neighbor should be helpful and honest.

As a threshold, warm-heartiness will be indispensable as far as a good neighbor is concerned. As a supportive example, when I was a six-year-old boy,an unforgettable issue cultivated me a lot to realize how important this good quality owned by a neighbor. One day in the lunch time, I happened to lose my key of my own house .Unfortunately, my mother was at work to care for the children in the kindergarten at that time. How embarrassing it is when I was wandering around my house thinking about the prepared lunch at home. Suddenly, my neighbor Mr. Wang came across me and immediately invited me to have lunch with his family when he knew my tough problem. It is true that seldom can people meet difficulties even they are near to or in his house, but with the aid of neighbors, they are not likely to encounter something puzzling them a lot. More important, the relationship of neighborhood will strengthen by such a series of events. In short, a good neighbor should be kindhearted.
Another important quality which a good neighbor should possess is honesty. It is self-evident that nobody wanted to be cheated by others especially the neighborhood. Without honesty, people tend to distrust each other and the prevention of being cheated consequently ruins the relationship of neighbors. In contrast, like going to school by bus instead of walking, a neighbor with honesty will bring us much convenience in daily living such as providing some urgent or precious information  really happens from the community. In brief, a good neighbor is imperfect without honesty.

In conclusion, as people cannot always choose passengers next to them on the bus, neighbors are not often decided by ordinary people, but a neighbor with the good qualities such as warm-heartiness and honesty are always  valued  as “a good neighbor”.

[ 本帖最后由 timboy 于 2006-5-5 14:37 编辑 ]

潇湘玉UID: 2163859

第一次拍砖，第一次连作文，呵呵，可能拍狠了，lz不要见怪啊，你看了我的你会拍的更狠的。
总的来说，我觉得lz写得不错啊。就是可能我们中国人思维方式太多了吧，我也是这个问题。
Neighbors, living near us, unavoidably affect our daily lives in many aspects. Consequently, a good-quality neighbor is substantial to everyone. But what are the qualities in details of（什么意思? In terms of） a good neighbor? As far as I am concerned, an ideal good neighbor should be helpful and honest. （lz的开头很好）
As a threshold, warm-heartiness will be indispensable as far as a good neighbor is concerned.（不要总用be concerned 吧） As a supportive example, when I was a six-year-old boy, an unforgettable issue cultivated me a lot to realize how important this good quality owned by（有点哆嗦，就of好了） a neighbor. One day in the lunch time, I happened to （中文的说法吧，不解）lose my key of my own house .Unfortunately, my mother was at work to care for the children in the kindergarten at that time. How embarrassing it is when I was wandering around my house thinking about the prepared lunch at home. Suddenly, my neighbor Mr. Wang came across me and immediately invited me to have lunch with his family when he knew my tough problem. It is true that seldom can people meet difficulties even they are near to or in his house, but with the aid of neighbors, they are not likely to encounter something puzzling them a lot. More important, the relationship of neighborhood will strengthen by such a series of events.（评论走了太远了，和主题有点远） In short, a good neighbor should be kindhearted.（此句有点突兀，似乎是刻意在小结）
     Another important quality which a good neighbor should possess is honesty. It is self-evident that nobody wanted to be cheated by others especially the neighborhood. Without honesty, people tend to distrust each other and the prevention of being cheated consequently ruins the relationship of neighbors. In contrast, like going to school by bus instead of walking, a neighbor with honesty will bring us much convenience in daily living（life） such as providing some urgent or precious information really happens from the community. （没看太明白，是做information的定从吗？缺引导词吧？总觉得这句很别扭）In brief, a good neighbor is imperfect without honesty.（好像感觉也不是很妥）
In conclusion, as people cannot always choose passengers next to them on the bus, （这个类比似乎有点牵强，没必要吧）neighbors are not often decided by ordinary people, but a neighbor with the good qualities such as warm-heartiness and honesty are（is） always valued  as “a good neighbor”(最后一句很好。:))

也欢迎你给我拍拍。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

zephyrsunUID: 2186291

Neighbors, living near us, unavoidably affect our daily lives in many aspects. Consequently（这里用therefore是否较好？）, a good-quality neighbor is substantial to everyone. But what are the qualities in details of a good neighbor? As far as I am concerned, an ideal good neighbor should be helpful and honest.

As a threshold, warm-heartiness will be indispensable as far as a good neighbor is concerned. As a supportive example, when I was a six-year-old boy,an unforgettable issue cultivated me a lot to realize how important this good quality owned by a neighbor. One day in the lunch time, I happened to lose my key of my own house .Unfortunately, my mother was at work to care for the children in the kindergarten at that time. How embarrassing it is when I was wandering around my house thinking about the prepared lunch at home. Suddenly, my neighbor Mr. Wang came across me and immediately invited me to have lunch with his family when he knew my tough problem. It is true that seldom can people meet difficulties even they are near to or in his house, but with the aid of neighbors, they are not likely to encounter something puzzling them a lot. More important, the relationship of neighborhood will strengthen by such a series of events. In short, a good neighbor should be kindhearted.

Another important quality which a good neighbor should possess is honesty. It is self-evident that nobody wanted to be cheated by others especially the neighborhood. Without honesty, people tend to distrust each other and the prevention of being cheated consequently ruins the relationship of neighbors. In contrast, like going to school by bus instead of walking,（这个类比感觉非常怪，LZ确定没问题吗？） a neighbor with honesty will bring us much convenience in daily living such as providing some urgent or precious information  really happens from the community. In brief, a good neighbor is imperfect without honesty.

In conclusion, as people cannot always（下面一句也有此词，可考虑更换，删掉亦无影响） choose passengers next to them on the bus, neighbors are not often decided by ordinary people, but a neighbor with the good qualities such as warm-heartiness and honesty are （is）always  valued  as “a good neighbor”.

从结构上说，第一论点比第二论点的论述几乎长了一倍，感觉不是很均衡。
但从用词和句式上说是比较不错的（呵呵，也是我的大弱点之所）。

请也帮我拍拍~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... page%3D1&page=1

timboyUID: 193944

感谢两位网友的帮助，我又修改了一遍，希望大家拍砖:)
Neighbors, living near us, unavoidably affect our daily lives in many aspects. Therefore, a good-quality neighbor is substantial to everyone. But what are the irreplaceable qualities of a good neighbor? As far as I am concerned, an ideal good neighbor should be helpful, humorous and polite.

As a threshold, warm-heartiness is an essential component possessed by a good neighbor. As a supportive example, when I was a six-year-old boy, an unforgettable issue cultivated me a lot to realize how important this good quality a neighbor. One day in the lunch time, I lost my key of my own house whereas my mother was at work taking care of the children in the kindergarten. How embarrassing it is when I was wandering around my house thinking about the prepared lunch at home. Suddenly, my neighbor Mr. Wang came across me and immediately invited me to have lunch with his family when he knew my tough problem.

Furthermore, a good neighbor should be humorous. Spending so much time on stressful work or learning, people tend to admire a neighbor with a sense of humor as a good neighbor. An unforgettable neighbor called Mr. Wang who lived in my community 5 years ago is a good example supporting my viewpoint. Every evening after dinner, seldom can people resist to his laughing jokes and humorous stories in the community park. Like having ice-cream in the summer, humorous neighbors are undoubtedly superb refreshers to someone fortunately being their neighborhood .
  
The last essential quality should not be ignored is politeness. With greeting smile or regards every day, the relationship of neighborhood will be strengthened by the respect from one another. It is common sense that hardly will people treasure their neighbors who always say some offensive words or behave impolitely.     

In conclusion, as people cannot always have opportunities to choose passengers next to them on the bus, neighbors are not often decided by ordinary people, but a neighbor with the good qualities such as warm-heartiness, humor as well as politeness is always valued  as “a good neighbor”.

[ 本帖最后由 timboy 于 2006-5-5 14:51 编辑 ]