IMPULSE-----19811010316-生活类-Wednesday作业

19811010316UID：2220703

some people think it's more important to spend more time working than being with families ,你的观点?(周三作业，与经典185有雷同)

As the development of industrialization and urbanization, people have increasingly less time spent on communicating with their families. However, just considering personal condition, people whether should pay much spare time to family or working. As far as I am concerned, remaining much time for staying with our family members is more significant than spending on working. I have a couple of reasons to support my point of view.

To start up, A family is a foundation of anyone. Without harmonious relationship with his family members, a worker can hardly do excellent work and achieve great accomplishments. Although accompanying with family costs a worker a large amount of time, he will be full of energy and his working efficiency will be considerable when supported by his family. A worker will be encouraged when encountering with some hard-handled problems. This encouragement is solid and honest and will play crucial role in help him overcome all difficulties. However, if a worker has make great progress in his enterprise, he will frequently be unavoidable to present his arrogance out, of course, this bad behavior will hamper his personal development and get even more achievements. At this time, his family members will bring this problem up and act as supervisors. Family members will be indispensable to workers' development.

In the second place, everyone needs enough time to communicate with their family members, such as children and parents. If lacking of sufficient communication, workers, in one aspect, can not take care of their parents and children well, in another aspect, will be scarce of love of their family members. We can infer the consequence when this condition is existing, first, the workers obviously like robots-they are inanimate, just can finish all the work that arranged by operators. second, their spiritual life are blank, they even have no leisure time to attend meaningful and interesting family activities, for example, sons' birthdays, moms' birthdays and annual anniversary of their marriages. So I want to know many people  hope to live this kind of life. On the contrary, through taking advantage of more time to entertain with family members, we can truly enjoy our life. Moreover, we could thoroughly care for our parents and children.

The last but not the least, the aim of pursuing money as much as possible is to create superior living environments for ourselves and our family members. However, it is unbelievable that we can get along well with our family members if we are busy in working all day long. If we can not set up a good relationship with them and even have quarrels with them frequently, can we obtain a nice living circumstance? does this type of result expect to us? Of course not. Therefore, we should focus more time on family than working and place family in the first considered site.

To sum up, compared with family harmony and happy, working is inferior since it is expected to service for them. When we spend more time on family, we will not only be more active in working, but also harvest fascinating families. Therefore, sharing more time with family is really important.



[ 本帖最后由 19811010316 于 2008-7-30 20:04 编辑 ]

gabby19832004UID：2461820

As the development (用fulfillment会不会好一些？开头我也是这么写得哈哈)of industrialization and urbanization, people have increasingly less (less and less) time spent (spend) on communicating with their families. However, just considering personal condition, people whether should pay much spare time to family or working(这句好像不是很通：whether people should pay speare time to family or not depend on their personal conditions). As far as I am concerned, remaining (keeping private time to share with our families is more significant than.... ) much time for staying with our family members is more significant than spending on working. I have a couple of reasons to support my point of view.
开头还不错，个别句子注意一下。感觉这个工业化是万能理由哈哈。

.gter.net.^#n g%IPy
To start up, A family is a foundation of anyone(这句话比较抽象，不知道老美的文化里面是否有类似的表述。如果没有的话，把这句作为本段主题句就有点冒险了。建议作者每段的主题句用保守的写法，意思尽量明确，具体。). Without harmonious relationship with his(or her) family members, a worker can hardly do excellent work and achieve great accomplishments. Although accompanying with family costs a worker a large amount of time, he will be(feel) full of energy and his working efficiency will be considerable (enhanced) when supported by his family. A worker will be encouraged when encountering with some hard-handled problems. (这句和主题貌似没有关系)This encouragement (The encouragement from family members) is solid and honest and will play crucial role in help(helping) him overcome all difficulties. However, if a worker has make great progress in his enterprise, he will frequently be unavoidable to present his arrogance out(out 去掉), of course, this bad behavior will hamper his personal development (image to his or her co-workers) and get even more achievements(后面这个逻辑不对了). At this time, his family members will bring this problem up（In this situation, his or her family member would probably raise their advices) and act as supervisors. Family members will be indispensable to (in) workers' development.
我觉得这段说了家人的重要性，但是没有突出＂要花时间＂这一点。或者这段可以作为后面的铺垫．
In the second place, everyone needs enough time to communicate with their family members, such as children and parents. If lacking of sufficient communication, workers, in one aspect, can not take care of their parents and children well, in another aspect, （the worker）will be scarce of love of (from) their family members. We can infer the consequence when this condition is existing(去掉is,用existed),(这里要断句。前面改句号，后面First) first, the workers obviously like robots-they are inanimate, just can finish all the work that arranged by operators. （这个我觉得有点说的绝对了。要说都是机器人而且inanimate:死气沉沉，估计ETS的阅卷人要郁闷了）second, their spiritual life are blank, they even have no leisure time to attend meaningful and interesting family activities（这句问题同上）, for example, sons' birthdays, moms' birthdays and annual anniversary of their marriages. So I want to know (I am sure that) many people  hope to live this kind of life. On the contrary, through taking advantage of more time to entertain with family members, we can truly enjoy our life. Moreover, we could thoroughly care for our parents and children.
这段我觉得有点不得要领了。其实楼主可以顺着上一段往下说。家人很重要所以要多花时间：很多家庭就是因为缺少时间来交流导致婚姻破裂，很多孩子因为缺少父母管教而误入歧途。多用一些时间培养良好的家促进工作。签证|TOEFL|GRE1P/D\v7Qb\
|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE7T+l1JF5B3N        s
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The last but not the least, the aim of pursuing money as much as possible is to create superior living environments for ourselves and our family members. However, it is unbelievable that we can get along well with our family members if we are busy in working all day long. If we can not set up a good relationship with them and even have quarrels with them frequently, can we obtain a nice (healthy) living circumstance? does this type of result expect to us?(这句句法有问题) Of course not. Therefore, we should focus more time on family than working and place family in the first considered site.
这段写得不错。从总体结构上看可以往前移一段。
To sum up, compared with family harmony and happy, working is inferior since it is expected to service for them（这句最好不要这么说。可以说工作boring或者tedious). When we spend more time on family, we will not only be more active in working, but also harvest fascinating families. Therefore, sharing more time with family is really important.
之前看见过一篇写得很好的文章，句法用词都不是很复杂，几乎找不出破绽。好像是第三次的作业，但是写得是电视的影响。楼主可以模仿那篇文章，会有很大进步的。加油加油！~

saintjUID：2248994

As the development of industrialization and urbanization, people have increasingly less time spent on communicating with their families. However, just considering personal condition, people whether should pay much spare time to family or working.  (whether people should pay more attention to (spend more time on) family or working depends on personal condition. )As far as I am concerned, remaining much time for staying with our family members is more significant than spending on working. I have a couple of reasons to support my point of view

To start up, A family is a foundation of anyone. Without harmonious relationship with his family members, a worker can hardly do excellent work and achieve great accomplishments. Although accompanying with family costs a worker a large amount of time, he will be full of energy and his working efficiency will be considerable when supported by his family. A worker will be encouraged when encountering with some hard-handled problems. This encouragement is solid and honest and will play (a) crucial role in help (helping) him overcome all difficulties. However, if a worker has make (made) great progress in his enterprise, he will frequently be unavoidable to present his arrogance out, of course, this bad behavior will hamper his personal development and get even more achievements. At this time, his family members will bring this problem up and act as supervisors. Family members will be indispensable to workers' development.

In the second place, everyone needs enough time to communicate with their family members, such as children and parents. If lacking of sufficient communication, workers, in one aspect, can not take care of their parents and children well, in another aspect, will be scarce of love of their family members. We can infer the consequence when this condition is existing, first, the workers obviously (are) like robots-they are inanimate, just can finish all the work that arranged by operators. second, their spiritual life are blank, they even have no leisure time to attend meaningful and interesting family activities, for example, sons' birthdays, moms' birthdays and annual anniversary of their marriages. (What is the consequence?) So I want to know (how) many people  hope to live this kind of life. On the contrary, through taking advantage of more time to entertain with family members, we can truly enjoy our life. Moreover, we could thoroughly care for our parents and children.

The last but not the least, the aim of pursuing money as much as possible is to create superior living environments for ourselves and our family members. However, it is unbelievable that we can get along well with our family members if we are busy in working all day long. If we can not set up a good relationship with them and even have quarrels with them frequently, can we obtain a nice living circumstance? does this type of result expect to us? (Is this type of result expected by us?) Of course not. Therefore, we should focus more time on family than working and place family in the first considered site.

To sum up, compared with family harmony and happy, working is inferior since it is expected to service for them. When we spend more time on family, we will not only be more active in working, but also harvest fascinating families. Therefore, sharing more time with family is really important.

双手的温柔UID：173110

19811010316

As the development of industrialization and urbanization, people have increasingly less time spent on communicating with their families. [people, gradually, spend less time on communication with their families]However, just considering personal condition, people whether should pay much spare time to family or working. [这句没看懂？] As far as I am concerned, remaining much [去掉much] time for staying with our family members is more significant than spending on working. I have a couple of reasons to support my point of view.

To start up, a family is a foundation of anyone [everyone 肯定]. Without harmonious relationship with his family members, a worker can hardly do excellent work and achieve great accomplishments. Although accompanying with family costs a worker a large amount of time, he will be full of energy and his working efficiency will be considerable [enhanced ] when supported by his family. A worker will be encouraged when encountering with some hard-handled problems. This encouragement is solid and honest and will play crucial role in help [helping] him overcome all difficulties. However, if a worker has make great progress in his enterprise, he will frequently be unavoidable to present his arrogance out, of course, this bad behavior will hamper his personal development and get even more achievements. [这一小段有点奇怪，似乎工作好和arrogance 没有必然联系] At this time, his family members will bring this problem up and act as supervisors. Family members will be indispensable to workers' development
第一段前半段很好，后半段的思路有点奇怪。

In the second place, everyone needs enough time to communicate with their family members, such as children and parents. If lacking of [去掉of] sufficient communication, workers, in one aspect, cannot take care of their parents and children well, in another aspect, will be scarce of love of their family members. We can infer the consequence when this condition is existing [exists], first, the workers obviously like robots-they are inanimate, just can finish all the work that arranged by operators. second, their spiritual life are blank, they even have no leisure time to attend meaningful and interesting family activities, for example, sons' birthdays, moms' birthdays and annual anniversary of their marriages. So I want to know many people hope to live this kind of life. On the contrary, through taking advantage of more time to entertain with family members, we can truly enjoy our life. Moreover, we could thoroughly care for our parents and children.
应该把为何everyone needs to communicate with family的理由写在最前面。感觉上你只是说work too much会减少和家人的时间，但这种减少有什么后果呢？


The last but not the least, the aim of pursuing money as much as possible is to create superior living environments for ourselves and our family members. However, it is unbelievable [impossible] that we can get along well with our family members if we are busy in working all day long. If we cannot set up a good relationship with them and even have quarrels with them frequently, can we obtain a nice living circumstance? does this type of result expect to us? Of course not. Therefore, we should focus more time on family than working and place family in the first considered site.

To sum up, compared with family harmony and happy, working is inferior since it is expected to service for them. When we spend more time on family, we will not only be more active in working, but also harvest fascinating families. Therefore, sharing more time with family is really important.

19811010316UID：2220703

大家的建议很好。
谢谢了。
兄弟受益匪浅！