IMPULSE小组-19811010316-第四周主题-科技-Monday

19811010316UID: 2220703

2006 年10 月8 日
你认为接下来20 年汽车的使用会不会减少（周一作业）

Due to the decline of the storage in coal, oil and natural gas all over the world, the price of these fossil fuels is increasingly higher. Moreover, people become fiercely discuss about the trend of the use of our transportation vehicles, such as cars, trains and airplanes, whether will be used less and less in the next 20 years, especially automobiles. As far as I am concerned, the usage of automobile will not be decreased and probably be further extended to more broad area.

First of all, although fossil fuels are nonrenewable resource and will be used out in future, our scientists are working harder than ever before in order to discover and take advantage of new or unlimited energy, such as solar energy, wind energy and water power. In addition, there are so many breakthroughs about new technologies in relation to the usage of renewable energy recently, so it is clear that the number of automobiles which are equipped with new energy will be considerable. Therefore, we will have great advantage to make use of more and more automobiles than now rather than reduce the utilization of them like some people have estimated owing to the plentiful energy supply.

In the second place, 20 years later, our population will cut down obviously and our infrastructure for driving automobiles will be relatively ameliorated. With the development of society, it is undeniable that the amount of civilian will decline dramatically. So our roads will not be crowed with a large number of automobiles any more, traffic jams will by no means happen frequently and people no longer need spend much time on searching parking lots. In this condition, more and more people are inclined to drive their own cars when going to work, enjoying their precious vacations and visiting friends who live in other cities. Thus, during the subsequent 20 years, people will prefer to drive for convenience arising from the good transportation and other facilities. we can believe that there will be more people likely to drive their cars if their cars can proceed fluent in roads and they can easily find parking lots.

Last but not least, the communication between people from different countries is clearly closer than several decades ago. This tendency will continue until our earth like a village and automobiles play indispensable role in it. Moreover, many people admire wealthy individuals who can drive cars to work or travel in my country and it is expectable that they will buy their own cars without hesitation while they have enough money. At the same time, the average economic level of Chinese families has been heightened drastically. So, numerous civilians are prone to spend their extra money on automobiles that can stand from their self-value as well as enrich their daily life.

To sum up, from angles in energy, census of population, benefit of automobiles and the affluence of our civilians, we can safely get a conclusion that, just contrary to some people's opinion, the usage of automobiles will become more and more common. Through the advance of economy, I believe that people will be happier at the help of automobiles than now that there are less people can afford them.

龙猫UID: 2434588

Due to the decline of the storage in（又是下降又是短缺，似有重复，建议删其一） coal, oil and natural gas all over the world, the price of these fossil fuels is increasingly higher. Moreover, people become fiercely discuss（楼主想说“开始讨论”麽？这个的discuss是做动词还是名词？用become好像不妥） about the trend of the use of our transportation vehicles, such as cars, trains and airplanes, whether will be used less and less in the next 20 years, especially automobiles. As far as I am concerned, the usage of automobile will not be decreased and probably be further extended to more broad area.

First of all, although fossil fuels are nonrenewable resource and will be used out in future, our scientists are working harder than ever before in order to discover and take advantage of new or unlimited energy, such as solar energy, wind energy and water power. In addition, there are so many breakthroughs about new technologies in relation to the usage of renewable energy recently, so it is clear that the number of automobiles which are equipped with new energy will be considerable. Therefore, we will have great advantage to make use of more and more automobiles than now rather than reduce the utilization of them like some people have estimated owing to the plentiful energy supply.（以燃料切入，选題很好，论证也好，赞一个！）


In the second place, 20 years later, our population will cut down obviously（有些武断，依据何在？） and our infrastructure for driving automobiles will be relatively ameliorated. With the development of society, it is undeniable that the amount of civilian will decline dramatically（同上：依据？）. So our roads will not be crowed with a large number of automobiles any more, traffic jams will by no means happen frequently and people no longer need spend much time on searching parking lots. In this condition, more and more people are inclined to drive their own cars when going to work, enjoying their precious vacations and visiting friends who live in other cities. Thus, during the subsequent 20 years, people will prefer to drive for convenience arising from the good transportation and other facilities. we can believe that there will be more people likely to drive their cars if their cars can proceed fluent in roads and they can easily find parking lots. （论述不够充分。与其强调“人口下降”还不如着重论述，随时间发展，道路状况好转——更宽，路面更平整等。还可强调人们素质提升，严格遵守交通规则，使交通最大限度的顺畅）


Last but not least, the communication between people from different countries is clearly closer than several decades ago. This tendency will continue until our earth like a village and automobiles play indispensable role in it. Moreover, many people admire wealthy individuals who can drive cars to work or travel in my country and it is expectable that they will buy their own cars without hesitation while they have enough money. At the same time, the average economic level of Chinese families has been heightened drastically. So, numerous civilians are prone to spend their extra money on automobiles that can stand from their self-value as well as enrich their daily life.（最后一句念着不大通，但又不知道怎么改。呵呵，可能是个人习惯不同）
C
To sum up, from angles in energy, census of population, benefit of automobiles and the affluence of our civilians, we can safely get a conclusion that, just contrary to some people's opinion, the usage of automobiles will become more and more common. Through the advance of economy, I believe that people will be happier at the help of automobiles than now that there are less people can afford them.（最后一句，呃，还是不大明白。）

龙猫UID: 2434588

呃呃呃  怎么颜色都没了··· 我是用不同颜色改的啊···:confused:

水平有限，只能给LZ这么多建议了。呵呵～

迷茫者UID: 2514662

Due to the decline of the storage in coal, oil and natural gas all over the world, the price of these fossil fuels is increasingly higher（rising好点）Moreover（用at the same time 通顺点,） people become（连不起来 start to 会好点） fiercely discuss about the trend of the use of our transportation vehicles, such as cars, trains and airplanes, whether （they 这里不应该省主语）will be used less and less in the next 20 years, especially automobiles. As far as I am concerned, the usage of automobile will not be decreased and probably be further extended to more broad area.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA7`.^Vu%u4ui7Nz*^7W m&[#K

First of all, although fossil fuels are nonrenewable resource and will be used out in future, our scientists are working harder than ever before in order to discover and take advantage of new or unlimited energy, such as solar energy, wind energy and water power. In addition, there are so many breakthroughs about new technologies in relation to the usage of renewable energy recently, so it is clear that the number of automobiles which are equipped with new energy will be considerable. Therefore, we will have great advantage to make use of more and more automobiles than now rather than reduce the utilization of them like some people have estimated owing to the plentiful energy supply（文笔很好。不过跟事实有很大出入，世界上正在为寻找和开发代替化石燃料的新能源而苦恼，至尽也没有没有找到理想的新能源,而且未来好长一段时间也无法找到。所以理由有点悬。）
rM&B"hi

In the second place, 20 years later, our population will cut down obviously（有点问题，20年后，世界人口不是明显减少，而是增加） and our infrastructure for driving automobiles will be relatively ameliorated. With the development of society, it is undeniable that the amount of civilian will decline dramatically. So our roads will not be crowed with a large number of automobiles any more, traffic jams will by no means happen frequently and people no longer need spend much time on searching parking lots. In this condition, more and more people are inclined to drive their own cars when going to work, enjoying their precious vacations and visiting friends who live in other cities. Thus, during the subsequent 20 years, people will prefer to drive for convenience arising from the good transportation and other facilities. We can believe that there will be more people likely to drive their cars if their cars can proceed fluent in roads and they can easily find parking lots. bbs.gter.net uB,`        n(P-^G m
Wbbs.gter.net‑U+r%|Z:P

Last but not least, the communication between people from different countries is clearly closer than several decades ago. This tendency will continue until our earth like(likes,个人觉得turn into好点) a village and automobiles play（an）indispensable role in it. Moreover, many people admire wealthy individuals who can drive cars to work or travel in my country and it is expectable that they will buy their own cars without hesitation while they have enough money. At the same time, the average economic level of Chinese families has been heightened drastically. So, numerous civilians are prone to spend their extra money on automobiles that can stand from their self-value as well as enrich their daily life.

To sum up, from angles in energy, census of population, benefit of automobiles and the affluence of our civilians, we can safely get a conclusion that, just contrary to some people's opinion, the usage of automobiles will become more and more common. Through the advance of economy, I believe that people will be happier at the help of automobiles than now that (when) there are less people can afford them.

写的非常好，词，句也用的相当有水准。赞一个!

但有个比较严重的问题：就是不要跟事实相反！虽然北美改TOEFL的professor 能接受任务角度的观点和理由，只要你能自圆其说。 但这不是说你可以编造你要的事实。理由都是基于某些事实上的，如果连事实都不成立，那么理由就站不住脚了，也就不能自圆其说了。而且这方面特别容易看出来。很危险的!望LZ注意!

以上仅凭个人愚见

迷茫者UID: 2514662

网站的问题 我改的时候也是用红色的

双手的温柔UID: 173110

Due to the decline of the storage in coal, oil and natural gas all over the world, the price of these fossil fuels is increasingly higher[increasing/ becoming higher]. Moreover, people become fiercely discuss [start to fiercely debate] about the trend of the use of our [vehicles，后面那些去掉直接到whether...]transportation vehicles, such as cars, trains and airplanes, whether will be used less and less in the next 20 years, especially automobiles[去掉]. As far as I am concerned, the usage of automobile will not be decreased and probably be further extended to more broad [broader] area.

First of all, although fossil fuels are nonrenewable resource and will be used [run] out in future, our scientists are working harder than ever before in order to discover and take advantage of new or unlimited [renewable/reusable] energy, such as solar energy, wind energy and water power. In addition, there are so many breakthroughs about new technologies in relation to the usage of renewable energy recently, so it is clear that the number of automobiles which are equipped with [using] new energy will be considerable. [这句话感觉有点绕哦。automobiles will be considerable想表达什么意思？] Therefore, we will have great advantage to make use of more and more automobiles than now rather than reduce the utilization of them like some people have estimated owing to the plentiful energy supply.
这段的观点很好。但中间那句话表达再斟酌一下，感觉没有很好将你想说的意思表示出来。

In the second place, 20 years later, our population will cut down obviously [这个感觉很突兀。如果要这么说，最好加一句，因为中国的有效人口控制，20年后我们的人口会有所减少] and our infrastructure for driving automobiles will be relatively ameliorated. With the development of society, it is undeniable that the amount of civilian will decline dramatically. So our roads will not be crowed with a large number of automobiles any more, traffic jams will by no means happen frequently and people no longer need spend much time on searching parking lots. In this condition, more and more people are inclined to drive their own cars when going to work, enjoying their precious vacations and visiting friends who live in other cities. Thus, during the subsequent 20 years, people will prefer to drive for convenience arising from the good transportation and other facilities. we can believe that there will be more people likely to drive their cars if their cars can proceed fluent in roads and they can easily find parking lots.

Last but not least, the communication between people from different countries is clearly closer than several decades ago. This tendency will continue until our earth like a village and automobiles play indispensable role in it. Moreover, many people admire wealthy individuals who can drive cars to work or travel in my country and it is expectable that they will buy their own cars without hesitation while they have enough money. At the same time, the average economic level of Chinese families has been heightened drastically. So, numerous civilians are prone to spend their extra money on automobiles that can stand from their self-value as well as enrich their daily life.

To sum up, from angles in energy, census of population, benefit of automobiles and the affluence of our civilians, we can safely get a conclusion that, just contrary to some people's opinion, the usage of automobiles will become more and more common. Through the advance of economy, I believe that people will be happier at the help of automobiles than now that there are less people can afford them.

谢谢帮我修改哦～～
思路没有大问题，你的文章都写得不短-最近我也是- -b，我建议想要尝试下缩短篇幅然后让文章更精炼一点？留一点时间给语言组织？
哈哈，我自己也打算这么干。
因为有的时候写长用很多长句容易把你自己绕进去，比如你第一个论点里面。

另外，发现你比较喜欢用很绝对的词，可以注意一下。像本文中很多句子都是这样，一定会大量的减少，没有任何犹豫等，但是没有给出这种绝对说法的缘由，建议斟酌使用。
加油！

19811010316UID: 2220703

谢谢。
是啊。
问题是很多。
可能是没充分考虑好就动笔了。
从下一篇开始我要写短的了。把自己的论点，思路理清楚，再加大字数。