Issue39 第一篇作文,欢迎拍砖

haodongkingUID: 2101796

整个作文用了近2个小时的时间,感觉好痛苦啊,欢迎大家拍砖!

Issue 39: The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated: most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than pursuing a university or college degree.

Syllabus: (disagree)
1.        The formal education system of university can not only provide students a perfect atmosphere but also instruct students study more effectively and efficiently.
2.        In additional, studying in university or college other than self-study conduce to shape a sound personality.
3.        On the other hand, for people who have strong ability of self-management and self-study, they may obtain more knowledge from self study than attending university or college.



Could most people learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree? The speaker claims so. As for me, I concede that university the curriculum of which is designed for common may not suitable for all. Otherwise, in my view, I don’t agree with the speaker.

The formal education system of university can not only provide students a perfect atmosphere but also instruct students study more effectively and efficiently. In university, there are most students who have the same interests so that students can learn from each other. Seminars and brainstorms which are very common in university can spark innovation and breakthrough. In such atmosphere, not only can students acquire more knowledge but also improve their interpersonal communicating ability which is very important in modern society. At the same time, all the governments regarding university as the main way to improve their people’s abilities invest enormous money on universities and colleges every year. So university can supply many expensive instruments which are essential in scientific researches while an individual hardly afford. Another advantage of university is there are most special professors and teaching assistants to instruct your study. They will introduce the latest information about your research domain and point out the mistakes you made in studying or experiment. Under such instructs you will escape from many mistakes and learn more effectively and efficiently.

In additional, studying in university or college other than self-study conduce to shape a sound personality. Acquiring knowledge is not the only thing in our lives, and we also need to improve our abilities which include communicating with others, teamwork, expressing opinions articulately and so on and to correct our views toward the world and value. We can hardly gain these unless contact with others and have a broad outlook. It’s the university which can offer the best atmosphere for achieve these while self-study is most likely to circumscribe people in a small environment and make people keep away with others.

On the other hand, for people who have strong ability of self-management and self-study, they may obtain more knowledge from self study than attending university or college. For supporting examples one need look no further than Bill Gates. The man who quitted from Harvard while he was a junior established the Microsoft which ranks in the top of Fortune. As universities especially in developing countries are far away from perfect and some of their courses are banal, for people who have definite study purpose and high intelligence, universities may impede their studying. And they may learn more through self-study. But the reality is such people are few in the world, and most people need proper guidance and management.

In conclusion, people who have strong ability of self-management and self-study may learn more by studying and reading on their own than in university. But most people still need to attend university to acquire knowledge. At the same time, we should keep on improving the quality of the university so that it can provide a more suitable atmosphere for students to study.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-6-10 at 19:04 ]

haodongkingUID: 2101796

怎么没人帮忙呢?刚开始,找不到方向,大家多给点建议啊!

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

Issue 39: The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated: most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than pursuing a university or college degree.

Syllabus: (disagree)
1.        The formal education system of university can not only provide students a perfect atmosphere but also instruct students study more effectively and efficiently.
2.        In additional, studying in university or college other than self-study conduce to shape a sound personality.
3.        On the other hand, for people who have strong ability of self-management and self-study, they may obtain more knowledge from self study than attending university or college.




Could most people learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree? The speaker claims so. 虽然是第一次写，最好还是能不要restate这样的开头，太泛泛了，有时间琢磨下怎么用自己的语言直接清楚的提出观点来As for me, I concede that university the curriculum of which is designed for common may not suitable for all. Otherwise, in my view, I don’t agree with the speaker.开头稍微有些啰嗦噢，不过不要着急，这个很快就能有提高的，多看看别人好的开头方式

The formal education system of university can not only provide students a perfect atmosphere but also instruct students study more effectively and efficiently. In university, there are most students who have the same interests so that students can learn from each other. Seminars and brainstorms which are very common in university can spark innovation and breakthrough. In such atmosphere, not only can students acquire more knowledge but also improve their interpersonal communicating ability which is very important in modern society. At the same time, all the governments regarding university as the main way to improve their people’s abilities invest enormous money on universities and colleges every year. So university can supply many expensive instruments which are essential in scientific researches while an individual hardly afford. Another advantage of university is there are most special professors and teaching assistants to instruct your study. They will introduce the latest information about your research domain and point out the mistakes you made in studying or experiment. Under such instructs you will escape from many mistakes and learn more effectively and efficiently.这几个面都选取的不错，问题就是1：展开的不够，前面那个气氛好大家一起学效率高写的还不错，但是后面关于设备，师资，信息等方面都是一言代过，显得有些薄弱。其实可以不用选择这么多个切入点的，一段一两个点就可以，关键是要深入，对于这些学校的资源如何有助于学习能够阐述的更全面一些就好了，还可以加入一些事例呀，呵呵。 2，一个比较严重的问题，没有注意与family相比哪个效率更高，学的更多，为什么学的更多， family自学的如何比不上等等。注意题目有个more than这类题目，最好在论证过程中不要只谈一方面的优点，而注意两者相比。

In additional, studying in university or college other than self-study conduce to shape a sound personality. personality算不算是intellectual benefit？ Acquiring knowledge is not the only thing in our lives, and we also need to improve our abilities which include communicating with others, teamwork, expressing opinions articulately and so on and to correct our views toward the world and value. We can hardly gain these unless contact with others and have a broad outlook. It’s the university which can offer the best atmosphere for achieve these while self-study is most likely to circumscribe people in a small environment and make people keep away with others. 感觉TS要换一下的好，因为我觉得后面的论述不仅仅包括personality 像合作啊交流啊等还是属于intellectual的技能，这段也是，稍微显得论证不充分，刚提到一个观点很快就结束了，最好能丰富一些

On the other hand, for people who have strong ability of self-management and self-study, they may obtain more knowledge from self study than attending university or college. For supporting examples one need look no further than Bill Gates. The man who quitted from Harvard while he was a junior established the Microsoft which ranks in the top of Fortune. As universities especially in developing countries are far away from perfect and some of their courses are banal, for people who have definite study purpose and high intelligence, universities may impede their studying. And they may learn more through self-study. But the reality is such people are few in the world, and most people need proper guidance and management.这段思路不错，开头的语气词可以稍微弱一些，另外对于例子的表述可以不用这么具体，因为B G 是名人啊，地球人都知道，点一下就可以了，主要还是要回到你的观点上来，这样的人毕竟是少而又少，对于大多数普通人应该如何，就可以大大加强你的观点了啊，还会显得很严密

In conclusion, people who have strong ability of self-management and self-study may learn more by studying and reading on their own than in university. But most people still need to attend university to acquire knowledge. At the same time, we should keep on improving the quality of the university so that it can provide a more suitable atmosphere for students to study.

第一篇的话写的还不错拉，我当时第一篇也写的这个题目。有几个问题要注意：1，就是文章中提到的问题，论证显得不充分，感觉你思路挺广泛的，想面面俱到，但是每个面又很快的写完了就转走了，显得有些不深入，选取最有利于写作的方面（也就是你觉得最好写的方向）其实就够了，这样你自己觉得写起来不会无话可说，可以尽可能的丰富起来。2，注意more than 的关系，body1这方面不够，后面2段还可以。3，一个一直没有说的主要问题：注意题目前半句The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated。 这个是不是被overrated的问题是不是一直没有探讨过？呵呵这样的题目参考下imong特训的1＋1 会有不少收获。 对于所有题目的分析上都建议看特训https://bbs.gter.net/forumdis ... =type&typeid=50 相信会有不少启发，加油！

haodongkingUID: 2101796

谢谢大牛细心而全面的点评,从中看到了自己的许多不足,对我的帮助很大,这么多天了,终于有人给改了一下,真的很感谢你!以后,也向大牛们学习不仅自己多练习,还要积极帮别人改文章!

RunningUID: 2107891

看了你的开头，觉得不是很STRONG，还有点累赘像 as for me,...........in my view,其中in my view  是老美最不愿意看到的东西，因为幼儿园的小朋友都不用的，除了在口语中，你可以用so far at least it seems to me that I fail to agree ........
尽量用肯定方式去表达否定，

haodongkingUID: 2101796

谢谢,现在也感觉到这个问题,主要是前几天看老美范文好象有这种开头方式,以后看来要注意形成自己的风格了

boyjimUID: 125249

zhizhi来改了我就不看了嘻嘻~zhizhi说得很有道理了 应该注意的以后慢慢写