Argument 180 [Shining Sep]作文组 第二次作业

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TOPIC: ARGUMENT180 - The following is a recommendation from the personnel director to the president of Acme Publishing Company.

"Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a five-hundred-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read costs only $500 per employee-a small price to pay when you consider the benefits to Acme. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, Acme would benefit greatly by requiring all of our employees to take the Easy Read course."
WORDS: 520          TIME: 12:30:00 AM          DATE: 2006/08/15

The recommendation made by the personnel director of Acme Publishing Company seems at first glance very useful: by making a generally inexpensive investment to increase the reading speed can help Acme to have a higher productivity. However, if the director look deeper in to the statistics and the evidences given by the graduates, he may rethink about this decision.

First, the author fails to examine carefully about the statements made by other companies, which may different quite a lot from the situation of Acme. Their increased productivity may not be applicable to Acme because they engage in different fields of the business. Besides, there is no evidence showing the evaluation level of the productivity. May be what is more productive to the other companies means nothing to Acme since it has already reached that level a long time ago.

Second, the evidence given by the graduate who can read a five-hundred-page report is invalid in terms of his exact reading speed and the level of his comprehension. It is entirely possible that this five-hundred-page report mainly consists of photographs and grams, which makes it quite easy to understand by skimming, which can be easily achieved by an untrained employee. Even if the reported is complicated, one can still acclaim that he is capable to read as fast as he wish to say, without providing solid evidence of how much he understand about the content.

Third, the evidence that one graduate can rise from an assistant manage to vice president of the company in under a year makes no sense to the correlation between the increase of reading speed and the promotion of the career. Perhaps it is this graduate's diligence earns him this grand opportunity to be promoted. Or perhaps he has made a significant suggestion to the company which is valued greatly by the boss and thus promoted him.

Moreover, the statement assumes that by increasing the reading speed, one can absorb more information in a single workday. The fact may be, and in many cases are, one has a lot of other things to handle besides reading. No one, except secretaries, can spend as much time reading documents as he wish. Therefore, the amount of information one can absorb in one day is more likely depending on the time one can spare to read.

Finally, the author did not provide any information about Easy Read's competitors' cost compared to the seeming small sum of money spent on each employee. It is possible that compared to the market price, Easy Read is not as cheap as it seems to be, but rather ranks very high in price.

To further demonstrate the value of the Easy Read's speed reading course, the author needs to give specific details about the increase of the reading speed, and still a larger amount of the overall speed increasing rate. To compare to the market price of the speed reading course also can help make the judgment about whether to invest in Easy Read rather than any other products. There are many spaces for the director to show the profitability of investing in this course.

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"Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a five-hundred-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read costs only $500 per employee-a small price to pay when you consider the benefits to Acme. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, Acme would benefit greatly by requiring all of our employees to take the Easy Read course."
WORDS: 520          TIME: 12:30:00 AM          DATE: 2006/08/15

The recommendation made by the personnel director of Acme Publishing Company seems at first glance very usefulbeneficial: by making a generally inexpensive investment to increase the reading speed of the employees can help Acme to have a higher productivity. However, if the director look deeper in to the statistics and the evidences given by the graduates, he may rethink about this decision.
个人觉得开头段表达不是很清楚,尽量言简意赅,指出稳重错误

First, the author fails to examine carefully about the statements made by other companies, which may be different quite a lot 放different前面吧from the situation of Acme. Their increased productivity may not be applicable to Acme because they engage in different fields of the business. Besides, there is no evidence showing the evaluation level of the productivity. May be maybe what is more productive to the other companies means nothing to Acme since it has already reached that level a long time ago.[/color]这句的表达A的PRODUCTIVITY可能不受影响,直接说产品不一样没可比性不好一些?这样说LEVEL没有说服力,有LEVEL也没有东西来衡量.

Second, the evidence given by the graduate who can read a five-hundred-page report is invalid in terms of his exact reading speed and the level of his comprehension. It is entirely possible that this five-hundred-page report mainly consists of photographs and grams?, which makes it quite easy to understand by skimming, which can be easily achieved by an untrained employee别两个WHICH放一块,指代混淆. Even if the reported is complicated, one can still acclaimclaim that he is capable to read as fast as he wish to say, without providing solid evidence of how much he understand about the content.

Third, the evidence that one graduate can rise from an assistant manage to vice president of the company in under a year makes no sense to the correlation between the increase of reading speed and the promotion of the career. Perhaps it is this graduate's diligence earns him this grand opportunity to be promoted. Or perhaps he has made a significant suggestion to the company which is valued greatly by the boss and thus promoted him

Moreover, the statement assumes that by increasing the reading speed, one can absorb more information in a single workday. The fact may be, and in many cases are, one has a lot of other things to handle besides reading. No one, except secretaries, can spend as much time reading documents as he wish. Therefore, the amount of information one can absorb in one day is more likely depending DEPENDS on the time one can spare to read.

Finally, the author did not provide any information about Easy Read's competitors' cost compared to WITH the seeming small sum of money spentING on each employee. It is possible that compared to the market price, Easy Read is not as cheap as it seems to be, but rather ranks very high in price.

To further demonstrate the value of the Easy Read's speed reading course, the author needs to give specific details about the increase of the reading speed, and still a larger amount of the overall speed increasing rate. To compare to the market price of the speed reading course also can help make the judgment about whether to invest in Easy Read rather than any other products. There are many spaces for the director to show the profitability of investing in this course.

总结:语法错误还是比较多,要注意.另外感觉错误的安排有点混乱,一定要把错误理清楚了然后一一驳斥.然后表达方式句式上要尽量固定.COME ON