Issue218 帮忙看看结构，这样行吗

zheng800UID: 174450

Issue218  第34篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分1秒     431 words
从2005年6月14日1时23分到2005年6月14日2时45分
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In order for any work of art—whether film, literature, sculpture, or a song—to have merit, it must be understandable to most people.
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Should any work of art-whether film, literature, sculpture, or a song-be understandable to most people, in order to have considerable merits? The speaker claims so. While I concede that most of folk arts which are comprehensible to the majority value in edifying or souling the readers or audiences' hearts, however, the speaker misunderstands the true value of art.
To begin with, we should admit that a large amount of folk arts understandable to most people benefit people in several respects. By human nature, people tend to access into understandable  artistic works such as fairy tales, films, sculpture, music, etc., rather than abstract or obscure art works. These comprehensible ones often arouse readers or audiences' great interest or enthusiasm on them, therefore, the essence whether the creators' feeling, ideas, or values are likely imparted into receivers. Take Andersen's fairy tales for example. This Denmark novelist by using understandable and vivid interpretation on the world influenced generations of young children and even shed light on adult world. Still consider recent heat a series of films Harry Potter. Due to its understandability and recreation, these films have widespread all over the worlds, attracting both the young children and the adults. It seems that the more understandable, the more value the arts bear.
If one defines the arts merit as merely lucrative or monetary return, or just for entertaining purposes, then the speaker correctly points out that these merits lies in its popularity and understandability. Still consider foregoing example from a sequence of Harry Potter films. The managers and seller of films would value these adaptations from novels by attracting numerous audiences to move to cinemas. Both the readers and the audiences would highly value the author as one of  the most valuable novelists at present.
However, there still remain several artistic works which cannot be understood and recognized by contemporary people have great values. The task of appreciation and commentary on art is far  more an objective process. Even the most sensitive critics can not work out and evaluate what and the extent to which the arts' value, let alone the populace who do not receive particular trainings and have little specialized knowledge. Example from Van Gogh aptly illustrates this case of point. When Van Gogh was alive, he only sold out one painting at a very low price. It was not because all of his paintings had little value, but just mundane people did not recognize its invaluable value in the art. Therefore, the value of art cannot be judged by its understandability or popularity.

To sum up, though I concede that art should be understandable to populace to either enlighten or move audiences, art value by no means lies in its accessibility to most people.

staralwaysUID: 193479

In order for any work of art—whether film, literature, sculpture, or a song—to have merit, it must be understandable to most people.

Should any work of art-whether film, literature, sculpture, or a song-be understandable to most people, in order to have considerable merits? The speaker claims so. While I concede that most of folk arts which are comprehensible to the majority value in edifying or souling [没有这样的形式。] the readers or audiences' hearts, however, the speaker misunderstands the true value of art.

To begin with [个人认为在issue里还是尽量少用在argument里使用的标志词。], we should admit that a large amount of folk arts understandable to most people benefit people in several respects. By human nature, people tend to access to understandable artistic works such as fairy tales, films, sculpture, music, etc., rather than abstract or obscure art works. These comprehensible ones often arouse readers or audiences' great interest or enthusiasm on them, therefore, the essence whether the creators' feeling, ideas, or values are likely imparted into receivers. Take Andersen's fairy tales for example. This Denmark novelist by using understandable and vivid interpretation on the world influenced generations of young children and even shed light on adult world. [是不是考虑再具体点的例子？] Still consider recent heat a series of films Harry Potter. Due to its understandability and recreation, these films have widespread all over the worlds, attracting both the young children and the adults. [感觉这里只是陈述了一下《哈利·波特》的流行，但是并没有讲到带给了人们什么？] It seems that the more understandable, the more value the arts bear. [感觉这段里并没有体现出开头所说的“benefit people in several respects”，觉得可以重新考虑下，两个例子分别体现出两个作用。]

If one defines the arts merit as merely lucrative or monetary return, or just for entertaining purposes, then the speaker correctly points out that these merits lies in its popularity and understandability. Still consider foregoing example from [of] a sequence of Harry Potter films. The managers and seller of films would value these adaptations from novels by attracting numerous audiences to move to cinemas. Both the readers and the audiences would highly value the author as one of the most valuable novelists at present. [觉得这段和上一段之间没有很好的衔接。]

However, there still remain several artistic works which cannot be understood and recognized by contemporary people having great values. The task of appreciation and commentary on art is far more an objective process. Even the most sensitive critics cannot work out and evaluate what and the extent to which the arts' value, let alone the populace who do not receive particular trainings and have little specialized knowledge. Example from Van Gogh aptly illustrates this case of point. When Van Gogh was alive, he only sold out one painting at a very low price. It was not because all of his paintings had little value, but just mundane people did not recognize its invaluable [是不考虑换个词，譬如priceless] value in the art. Therefore, the value of art cannot be judged by its understandability or popularity. [这句结尾仓促了点。]

To sum up, though I concede that art should be understandable to populace to either enlighten or move audiences, art value by no means lies in its accessibility to most people. [结尾显简略了。]

想说一点：正文第一段是不是想表现的开头段里所提到的“the true value of arts”？不然的话感觉没有把这点表现出来。