issue207 同主题作业，超长超时

tangjihedeUID：2107695

0510G同主题写作第六期－－Issue207
Issue207 ：
Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are.
【翻译】：仪式和典礼有助于定义一个文化。如果没有这些，社会或者团体就会逐渐地迷失自我。

Recently, the president of a Chinese leading university, who is also a representative in Chinese People’s Congress, submitted a proposal that several significant traditional festivals should be legislated to be national holidays. “Without these national holidays,” he said, “it will be more and more difficult to remain our traditional rituals and therefore pass on our culture to next generations.”

Why, are rituals so important that the president even think we should have national holidays to memory them? According to him--and the statement above, which I also believe, rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Although rituals and ceremonies are commonly regarded as the crust of a culture, while its philosophy, religion and morals the kernel, those rituals and ceremonies are nevertheless an indispensable part of culture: It is through these rituals, as vivid representation of a culture, that a culture easily distinguishes itself from others.  When one goes to a foreign country and wants to experience its unique culture, watching and joining their rituals and ceremonies are probably the most efficient way. Just imagine one travels to South Pacific and wants to know the culture of aboriginals there. If those residents have lost their traditional rituals, with their religion and philosophy only kept in minds or in libraries but not in their vivid ceremonies, could one be satisfied with this cultural experience, compared with another feast of both outside rituals and inside spirituals?

What is worse, not only those visitors will be disappointed to see a diminished culture, those people within will be in a danger of losing their identity gradually. This is more significant a sense why that president submitted his proposal. Rituals and ceremonies give people a vivid image about their culture, through which they can learn, see, hear, or even touch the uniqueness of the culture they belong to. It is through rituals and ceremonies that they get an intensive chance to know the stories of their antecedents, where they were from, what values they cared most, how they celebrated festivals: in a word, where their root is and through which to realize who they are. The soul of a culture may merge into people’s unconsciousness, but rituals and ceremonies continuously strike our hearts and remind us what a culture we belong to, and by which we have a clear identification of ourselves. A friend of mine who goes abroad told me that she could soon get used to the different culture there; but when Chinese festivals arrived and traditional ceremonies were held in Chinatown, those familiar rituals reminded her her own culture and identity. Without those distinctive ceremonies, I suspect, this world would lose a great portion of its diversity and it would be much more difficult to distinguish people of different origins, and for those people to distinguish themselves.

This is especially true in this era of globalization and secularization. More and more traditional characteristics, rituals and ceremonies included, are being separated from a society or a group of people who once had a distinctive culture. This world is trending to be alike. From African continent to islands in South Pacific, from East Asia to West Europe, everywhere abounds with MacDonald’s, Coke and Hollywood movies, with the same ingredients and the same taste. Together with this trend is the phenomenon that more and more youngsters enjoy singing the same songs and eating the same food, or even celebrating the same festivals and following the same rituals. Their own traditional rituals, however, are having less and less influence on them. I will not give my judgment whether globalization is good or not. However, one point should not be missing: if totally without their own cultural features, of which rituals and ceremonies are an important component, how could they be distinguished from each other and identify themselves? They may say they are generation of the globalizing culture; but such a saying is not very far from saying that they have no identity at all: they are not American, they are not Korean, they are not Chinese; they are only members of a vague conception of globalization, which is changing so rapidly that one day they will feel lost in it and have no home to return.

It is all right for youngsters going to MacDonald’s or watching Lord of the Ring, but they should also cherish their own rituals and ceremonies, for there hide their root telling who they are. This is my last conclusion.

739 words

skaterUID：2116878

Recently, the president of a Chinese leading university（请问这是什么大学？）, who is also a representative in Chinese People’s Congress, submitted （好词）（不过这个词一般是下级对上级的呈递，在这里用RENDER好点） a proposal that several significant traditional festivals should be legislated to be national holidays. “Without these national holidays,” he said, “it will be more and more difficult to remain（REMAIN A state，preserve a tradition！ 见 NEW CONCEPT 第一课，‘PRESERVE THEIR HISTORY’） our traditional rituals and therefore pass on our culture to next generations.”
（第一段的中心论点是什么呢？ 虽然我可以从你引用的领导人的话看出你是支持保留TRIDITIONAL RITUALS的，但你没有指出你自己的论点，正像斑竹说的，这个命题有两个方面，每个人都有自己的看法（分别对于第一和第二方面）。当然如果是正常的学术论文，不用这么“八股”，但我上次听说ETS看每篇文章的时间也就3~4分钟，那怎么让他们明确你的思路呢，如果你的语言内容不足以吸引他们多看几分钟的话，就最好在你的第一段指出中心论点，然后组织以下下面要论述的内容和顺序。其实外国人头脑很死，他们崇尚逻辑严密，行文顺畅的文章，你上来摆一个例子是想让他们自己分析你的观点是什么吗。所以。。。。还有你的这个例子我觉得只能支持命题的第一方面，不妨把它往下面放）
  Why, are rituals so important that the president even think（FIGURE，suppose） we should have national holidays to memory them? According to him--and the statement above, which I also believe, rituals and ceremonies help define a culture（到这里你还是把这个例子又用了一遍，还不如上面不用）. Although rituals and ceremonies are commonly regarded as the crust（这个词用的不好，CRUST一般指面包硬了的外皮，地壳。。硬硬的陈旧的。RITUALS AND CEREMONIES 应该是文化的表征，所以。。。给你个词看看是不是好点：TOKEN） of a culture, while its philosophy, religion and morals the kernel（connotation）, those rituals and ceremonies are nevertheless（NEVERTHELESS 有转折的意思。你这句开头有ALTHOUGH了，换一个有仍然意思的。） an indispensable（好词！还可以用INTEGRATIVE，这个词更有“构成整体”所必须的意思。跟你的PART对应） part of culture: It is through these rituals, as（A） vivid representation of a culture, that a culture easily distinguishes itself from others.  When one goes to a foreign country and wants to experience its unique culture, watching and joining their rituals and ceremonies are probably the most efficient way. （这句话放在这里好别扭，还有下面的例子。你是要用这个例子证明你支持“RITUALS AND CEREMONIES HELP DEFING A CULTURE ”对吧？可你前面的论述已经出来了，这样就像是，我承认这个事实，所以当我旅行的时候需要参加RITUAL。因果弄反了。最起码在WHEN 前放一个FOR EXAMPLE 也能说明你的例子与论点的逻辑关系啊。还有我也觉得你的论证比较干，大概这个题目实在太晦涩了，怎么说好象都没有什么说服力。。你可以顺着那个“CRUST AND KERNEL” 的思路继续论述啊，为什么他是表面的，又为什么必部可少，他在HELP上有什么具体表现。。。（真启发我自己啊））Just imagine one travels to South Pacific and wants to know the culture of aboriginals there. If those residents have lost their traditional rituals, with their religion and philosophy only kept in minds or in libraries but not in their vivid ceremonies, could one be satisfied with this cultural experience, compared with another feast of both outside rituals and inside spirituals? （把你的第一方面的结论往这段末尾来一句）

What is worse, not only those visitors will be disappointed to see a diminished culture, those people within will be in a（没有A） danger of losing their identity gradually（GRADUALLY有种变好的感觉，你可以用WEAR OFF ，BACK AWAY 来写这个句子。还有斑竹提醒过，最好不要写成失去自我， 因为原文本身就不绝对，所以是“SENSE OF WHO THEY ARE”）. This is more significant（serious ，注意褒贬） a sense why that president submitted his proposal.（这句话什么意思？） Rituals and ceremonies give people a vivid （这个词已经用第三遍啦！你写完自己改的时候多查查有没有可以替换的词）image about their culture, through which they can learn, see, hear, or even touch the uniqueness of the culture they belong to. It is through rituals and ceremonies that they get an intensive（密集的？） chance to know the stories of their antecedents（their sagas）, where they were from（THEIR ORIGINs）, what values they cared most（their concerns）, how they celebrated festivals（their celebration）（是不是更简洁有力量？）: in a word, where their root is（ROOTS ARE） and through which to realize who they are.（这句有语法的问题） 。The soul of a culture may merge into people’s unconsciousness, but rituals and ceremonies continuously strike our hearts and remind us what a culture we belong to, and by which we have a clear identification of ourselves. A friend of mine who goes abroad told me that she could soon get used to the different culture there; but when Chinese festivals arrived and traditional ceremonies were held in Chinatown, those familiar rituals reminded her her own culture and identity. Without those distinctive ceremonies, I suspect, this world would lose a great portion of its diversity and it would be much more difficult to distinguish people of different origins, and for those people to distinguish themselves.（既然这段有句总结性的话，最好每个小段都有这样的。不要像上一段用例子结尾）
  This is especially true in this era of globalization and secularization. More and more traditional characteristics, rituals and ceremonies included, are being separated from a society or a group of people who once had a distinctive culture. This world is trending to be alike. From African continent to islands in South Pacific, from East Asia to West Europe, everywhere abounds with MacDonald’s, Coke and Hollywood movies, with the same ingredients and the same taste. Together with this trend is the phenomenon that more and more youngsters enjoy singing the same songs and eating the same food, or even celebrating the same festivals and following （JOINING）the same rituals. Their own traditional rituals, however, are having less and less influence on them. I will not give my judgment whether globalization is good or not. However, one point should not be missing: if totally without their own cultural features, of which rituals and ceremonies are an important component, how could they be distinguished from each other and identify themselves? They may say they are generation of the globalizing culture; but such a saying is not very far from saying that they have no identity at all: they are not American, they are not Korean, they are not Chinese; they are only members of a vague conception of globalization, which is changing so rapidly that one day they will feel lost in it and have no home to return.（你这两段都在论述人们的‘SENSE OF WHO THEY ARE WOULD DIMINISHED’对吧？可是这样明显是陈述你的意图的句子几乎没有。这和中国学生写议论文的时候是一样的：不要让老师找你的观点！先陈述，在铺开，每个分论点中加例证。。。。。）
It is all right for youngsters going to MacDonald’s or watching Lord of the Ring, but they should also cherish their own rituals and ceremonies, for there hide（？？？） their root telling who they are. This is my last conclusion.（结尾好匆促啊，没时间了吗？你的结尾只要有第二个观点的总述啊。最好综合一下 ，更最好和第一段有个照应。本身你的第一段就没有中心论点啊，这样显得文章的前一半是前半个命题，后半段是后半个。好奇怪啊。而且我觉得后半个命题的论述又长有没有逻辑。说的倒是很好的，就是不如尝试着在组织一下啦！）

tangjihedeUID：2107695

Recently, the president of a Chinese leading university（请问这是什么大学？）一所中国的著名大学，不是大学的名字, who is also a representative in Chinese People’s Congress, submitted （好词）（不过这个词一般是下级对上级的呈递，在这里用RENDER好点）百度了一下，有submit a proposal这种说法，而没有和render搭配的 a proposal that several significant traditional festivals should be legislated to be national holidays. “Without these national holidays,” he said, “it will be more and more difficult to remain（REMAIN A state，preserve a tradition！ 见 NEW CONCEPT 第一课，‘PRESERVE THEIR HISTORY’） ……新概念只记得“Pumas are large, cat-like animals which are found in America”了 .多谢了！our traditional rituals and therefore pass on our culture to next generations.”
（第一段的中心论点是什么呢？ 虽然我可以从你引用的领导人的话看出你是支持保留TRIDITIONAL RITUALS的，但你没有指出你自己的论点，正像斑竹说的，这个命题有两个方面，每个人都有自己的看法（分别对于第一和第二方面）。当然如果是正常的学术论文，不用这么“八股”，但我上次听说ETS看每篇文章的时间也就3~4分钟，那怎么让他们明确你的思路呢，如果你的语言内容不足以吸引他们多看几分钟的话，就最好在你的第一段指出中心论点，然后组织以下下面要论述的内容和顺序。其实外国人头脑很死，他们崇尚逻辑严密，行文顺畅的文章，你上来摆一个例子是想让他们自己分析你的观点是什么吗。所以。。。。还有你的这个例子我觉得只能支持命题的第一方面，不妨把它往下面放）谢谢建议！这个开头是想换种形式，用一段引言开头，点出文化和rituals之间的联系，而把我的分析放在后头。以后我尽量避免。
  Why, are rituals so important that the president even think（FIGURE，suppose）3x！ we should have national holidays to memory them? According to him--and the statement above, which I also believe, rituals and ceremonies help define a culture（到这里你还是把这个例子又用了一遍，还不如上面不用）. Although rituals and ceremonies are commonly regarded as the crust（这个词用的不好，CRUST一般指面包硬了的外皮，地壳。。硬硬的陈旧的。RITUALS AND CEREMONIES 应该是文化的表征，所以。。。给你个词看看是不是好点：TOKEN） 3x!of a culture, while its philosophy, religion and morals the kernel（connotation）大牛！, those rituals and ceremonies are nevertheless（NEVERTHELESS 有转折的意思。你这句开头有ALTHOUGH了，换一个有仍然意思的。）这种表达应该是可以的：Though he is poor, yet he is nevertheless satisfied with his condition.（CGEL） an indispensable（好词！还可以用INTEGRATIVE，这个词更有“构成整体”所必须的意思。跟你的PART对应）3x! part of culture: It is through these rituals, as（A）3X! vivid representation of a culture, that a culture easily distinguishes itself from others.  When one goes to a foreign country and wants to experience its unique culture, watching and joining their rituals and ceremonies are probably the most efficient way. （这句话放在这里好别扭，还有下面的例子。你是要用这个例子证明你支持“RITUALS AND CEREMONIES HELP DEFING A CULTURE ”对吧？可你前面的论述已经出来了，这样就像是，我承认这个事实，所以当我旅行的时候需要参加RITUAL。因果弄反了。【最起码在WHEN 前放一个FOR EXAMPLE 也能说明你的例子与论点的逻辑关系啊】对，多谢！。还有我也觉得你的论证比较干，大概这个题目实在太晦涩了，怎么说好象都没有什么说服力。。你可以顺着那个“CRUST AND KERNEL” 的思路继续论述啊，为什么他是表面的，又为什么必部可少，他在HELP上有什么具体表现。。。（真启发我自己啊））我打算放弃CRUST AND KERNEL的表达方式了。Baidu搜不到这个组合Just imagine one travels to South Pacific and wants to know the culture of aboriginals there. If those residents have lost their traditional rituals, with their religion and philosophy only kept in minds or in libraries but not in their vivid ceremonies, could one be satisfied with this cultural experience, compared with another feast of both outside rituals and inside spirituals? （把你的第一方面的结论往这段末尾来一句）

What is worse, not only those visitors will be disappointed to see a diminished culture, those people within will be in a（没有A） danger of losing their identity gradually（GRADUALLY有种变好的感觉，你可以用WEAR OFF ，BACK AWAY 来写这个句子。还有斑竹提醒过，最好不要写成失去自我， 因为原文本身就不绝对对！ have a diminished sense of who they are不等于losing their identity gradually.，所以是“SENSE OF WHO THEY ARE”）. This is more significant（serious ，注意褒贬应该是褒的，因为sense对应的是这个议案的意义。） a sense why that president submitted his proposal.（这句话什么意思？这是提案更重要的一层意义所在。） Rituals and ceremonies give people a vivid （这个词已经用第三遍啦！你写完自己改的时候多查查有没有可以替换的词）word的同义词都太怪了。image about their culture, through which they can learn, see, hear, or even touch the uniqueness of the culture they belong to. It is through rituals and ceremonies that they get an intensive（密集的？） chance to know the stories of their antecedents（their sagas）, where they were from（THEIR ORIGINs）, what values they cared most（their concerns）, how they celebrated festivals（their celebration）（是不是更简洁有力量？）: in a word, where their root is（ROOTS ARE） and through which to realize who they are.（这句有语法的问题） 。The soul of a culture may merge into people’s unconsciousness, but rituals and ceremonies continuously strike our hearts and remind us what a culture we belong to, and by which we have a clear identification of ourselves. A friend of mine who goes abroad told me that she could soon get used to the different culture there; but when Chinese festivals arrived and traditional ceremonies were held in Chinatown, those familiar rituals reminded her her own culture and identity. Without those distinctive ceremonies, I suspect, this world would lose a great portion of its diversity and it would be much more difficult to distinguish people of different origins, and for those people to distinguish themselves.（既然这段有句总结性的话，最好每个小段都有这样的。不要像上一段用例子结尾）
  This is especially true in this era of globalization and secularization. More and more traditional characteristics, rituals and ceremonies included, are being separated from a society or a group of people who once had a distinctive culture. This world is trending to be alike. From African continent to islands in South Pacific, from East Asia to West Europe, everywhere abounds with MacDonald’s, Coke and Hollywood movies, with the same ingredients and the same taste. Together with this trend is the phenomenon that more and more youngsters enjoy singing the same songs and eating the same food, or even celebrating the same festivals and following （JOINING）我对ritual的理解是礼仪，一个美国老师就把吃饭的礼仪规矩什么的叫ritual，似乎应该用followthe same rituals. Their own traditional rituals, however, are having less and less influence on them. I will not give my judgment whether globalization is good or not. However, one point should not be missing: if totally without their own cultural features, of which rituals and ceremonies are an important component, how could they be distinguished from each other and identify themselves? They may say they are generation of the globalizing culture; but such a saying is not very far from saying that they have no identity at all: they are not American, they are not Korean, they are not Chinese; they are only members of a vague conception of globalization, which is changing so rapidly that one day they will feel lost in it and have no home to return.（你这两段都在论述人们的‘SENSE OF WHO THEY ARE WOULD DIMINISHED’对吧？可是这样明显是陈述你的意图的句子几乎没有。这和中国学生写议论文的时候是一样的：不要让老师找你的观点！先陈述，在铺开，每个分论点中加例证。。。。。）谢谢提醒！以后一定尽量说清楚
It is all right for youngsters going to MacDonald’s or watching Lord of the Ring, but they should also cherish their own rituals and ceremonies, for there hide（？？？）lie? their root telling who they are. This is my last conclusion.（结尾好匆促啊，没时间了吗？你的结尾只要有第二个观点的总述啊。最好综合一下 ，更最好和第一段有个照应。本身你的第一段就没有中心论点啊，这样显得文章的前一半是前半个命题，后半段是后半个。好奇怪啊。而且我觉得后半个命题的论述又长有没有逻辑。说的倒是很好的，就是不如尝试着在组织一下啦！） 结尾是想自然引出结论，看来不成功……

多谢啦！下次我老老实实按照结构写！

skaterUID：2116878

Recently, the president of a Chinese leading university（请问这是什么大学？）一所中国的著名大学，不是大学的名字, who is also a representative in Chinese People’s Congress, submitted （好词）（不过这个词一般是下级对上级的呈递，在这里用RENDER好点）百度了一下，有submit a proposal这种说法，而没有和render搭配的 a proposal that several significant traditional festivals should be legislated to be national holidays. “Without these national holidays,” he said, “it will be more and more difficult to remain（REMAIN A state，preserve a tradition！ 见 NEW CONCEPT 第一课，‘PRESERVE THEIR HISTORY’） ……新概念只记得“Pumas are large, cat-like animals which are found in America”了 .多谢了！（第四册）our traditional rituals and therefore pass on our culture to next generations.”
（第一段的中心论点是什么呢？ 虽然我可以从你引用的领导人的话看出你是支持保留TRIDITIONAL RITUALS的，但你没有指出你自己的论点，正像斑竹说的，这个命题有两个方面，每个人都有自己的看法（分别对于第一和第二方面）。当然如果是正常的学术论文，不用这么“八股”，但我上次听说ETS看每篇文章的时间也就3~4分钟，那怎么让他们明确你的思路呢，如果你的语言内容不足以吸引他们多看几分钟的话，就最好在你的第一段指出中心论点，然后组织以下下面要论述的内容和顺序。其实外国人头脑很死，他们崇尚逻辑严密，行文顺畅的文章，你上来摆一个例子是想让他们自己分析你的观点是什么吗。所以。。。。还有你的这个例子我觉得只能支持命题的第一方面，不妨把它往下面放）谢谢建议！这个开头是想换种形式，用一段引言开头，点出文化和rituals之间的联系，而把我的分析放在后头。以后我尽量避免。（是的，但我们的时间不多了，要作到开头比较奇特而又明确，我自己是没这个把握啦）  
  Why, are rituals so important that the president even think（FIGURE，suppose）3x！ we should have national holidays to memory them? According to him--and the statement above, which I also believe, rituals and ceremonies help define a culture（到这里你还是把这个例子又用了一遍，还不如上面不用）. Although rituals and ceremonies are commonly regarded as the crust（这个词用的不好，CRUST一般指面包硬了的外皮，地壳。。硬硬的陈旧的。RITUALS AND CEREMONIES 应该是文化的表征，所以。。。给你个词看看是不是好点：TOKEN） 3x!of a culture, while its philosophy, religion and morals the kernel（connotation）大牛！, those rituals and ceremonies are nevertheless（NEVERTHELESS 有转折的意思。你这句开头有ALTHOUGH了，换一个有仍然意思的。）这种表达应该是可以的：Though he is poor, yet he is nevertheless satisfied with his condition.（CGEL） an indispensable（好词！还可以用INTEGRATIVE，这个词更有“构成整体”所必须的意思。跟你的PART对应）3x! part of culture: It is through these rituals, as（A）3X! vivid representation of a culture, that a culture easily distinguishes itself from others.  When one goes to a foreign country and wants to experience its unique culture, watching and joining their rituals and ceremonies are probably the most efficient way. （这句话放在这里好别扭，还有下面的例子。你是要用这个例子证明你支持“RITUALS AND CEREMONIES HELP DEFING A CULTURE ”对吧？可你前面的论述已经出来了，这样就像是，我承认这个事实，所以当我旅行的时候需要参加RITUAL。因果弄反了。【最起码在WHEN 前放一个FOR EXAMPLE 也能说明你的例子与论点的逻辑关系啊】对，多谢！。还有我也觉得你的论证比较干，大概这个题目实在太晦涩了，怎么说好象都没有什么说服力。。你可以顺着那个“CRUST AND KERNEL” 的思路继续论述啊，为什么他是表面的，又为什么必部可少，他在HELP上有什么具体表现。。。（真启发我自己啊））我打算放弃CRUST AND KERNEL的表达方式了。Baidu搜不到这个组合Just imagine one travels to South Pacific and wants to know the culture of aboriginals there. If those residents have lost their traditional rituals, with their religion and philosophy only kept in minds or in libraries but not in their vivid ceremonies, could one be satisfied with this cultural experience, compared with another feast of both outside rituals and inside spirituals? （把你的第一方面的结论往这段末尾来一句）

What is worse, not only those visitors will be disappointed to see a diminished culture, those people within will be in a（没有A） danger of losing their identity gradually（GRADUALLY有种变好的感觉，你可以用WEAR OFF ，BACK AWAY 来写这个句子。还有斑竹提醒过，最好不要写成失去自我， 因为原文本身就不绝对对！ have a diminished sense of who they are不等于losing their identity gradually.，所以是“SENSE OF WHO THEY ARE”）. This is more significant（serious ，注意褒贬应该是褒的，因为sense对应的是这个议案的意义。） a sense why that president submitted his proposal.（这句话什么意思？这是提案更重要的一层意义所在。） Rituals and ceremonies give people a vivid （这个词已经用第三遍啦！你写完自己改的时候多查查有没有可以替换的词）word的同义词都太怪了。image about their culture, through which they can learn, see, hear, or even touch the uniqueness of the culture they belong to. It is through rituals and ceremonies that they get an intensive（密集的？） chance to know the stories of their antecedents（their sagas）, where they were from（THEIR ORIGINs）, what values they cared most（their concerns）, how they celebrated festivals（their celebration）（是不是更简洁有力量？）: in a word, where their root is（ROOTS ARE） and through which to realize who they are.（这句有语法的问题） 。The soul of a culture may merge into people’s unconsciousness, but rituals and ceremonies continuously strike our hearts and remind us what a culture we belong to, and by which we have a clear identification of ourselves. A friend of mine who goes abroad told me that she could soon get used to the different culture there; but when Chinese festivals arrived and traditional ceremonies were held in Chinatown, those familiar rituals reminded her her own culture and identity. Without those distinctive ceremonies, I suspect, this world would lose a great portion of its diversity and it would be much more difficult to distinguish people of different origins, and for those people to distinguish themselves.（既然这段有句总结性的话，最好每个小段都有这样的。不要像上一段用例子结尾）
  This is especially true in this era of globalization and secularization. More and more traditional characteristics, rituals and ceremonies included, are being separated from a society or a group of people who once had a distinctive culture. This world is trending to be alike. From African continent to islands in South Pacific, from East Asia to West Europe, everywhere abounds with MacDonald’s, Coke and Hollywood movies, with the same ingredients and the same taste. Together with this trend is the phenomenon that more and more youngsters enjoy singing the same songs and eating the same food, or even celebrating the same festivals and following （JOINING）我对ritual的理解是礼仪，一个美国老师就把吃饭的礼仪规矩什么的叫ritual，似乎应该用followthe same rituals. Their own traditional rituals, however, are having less and less influence on them. I will not give my judgment whether globalization is good or not. However, one point should not be missing: if totally without their own cultural features, of which rituals and ceremonies are an important component, how could they be distinguished from each other and identify themselves? They may say they are generation of the globalizing culture; but such a saying is not very far from saying that they have no identity at all: they are not American, they are not Korean, they are not Chinese; they are only members of a vague conception of globalization, which is changing so rapidly that one day they will feel lost in it and have no home to return.（你这两段都在论述人们的‘SENSE OF WHO THEY ARE WOULD DIMINISHED’对吧？可是这样明显是陈述你的意图的句子几乎没有。这和中国学生写议论文的时候是一样的：不要让老师找你的观点！先陈述，在铺开，每个分论点中加例证。。。。。）谢谢提醒！以后一定尽量说清楚
It is all right for youngsters going to MacDonald’s or watching Lord of the Ring, but they should also cherish their own rituals and ceremonies, for there hide（？？？）lie? their root telling who they are. This is my last conclusion.（结尾好匆促啊，没时间了吗？你的结尾只要有第二个观点的总述啊。最好综合一下 ，更最好和第一段有个照应。本身你的第一段就没有中心论点啊，这样显得文章的前一半是前半个命题，后半段是后半个。好奇怪啊。而且我觉得后半个命题的论述又长有没有逻辑。说的倒是很好的，就是不如尝试着在组织一下啦！） 结尾是想自然引出结论，看来不成功……

tangjihedeUID：2107695

多谢！

skaterUID：2116878

加油哦!我要是没你写的好,我就是小狗