Issue83感觉现在很糟糕啊。。。

AlexandraUID: 185174

Issue83:
Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.

正文：（非限时）
I fundamentally agree with the speaker that many wilderness areas such as big great landscapes or virgin forests, where should be preserved by governments, for they have many evaluations for people. Nevertheless, for some desolation territory, as the deserts, the government should try to convert such certain places to usable areas to satisfy the requirement of the humans.

To begin with, some wilderness areas, where even are extremely remote so that a few people access to, have its valued distinctions to people. First, such certain areas not only are parts of the natural state, but they recorded many information which relative to the procedure of the human being history. Take East Africa Great Rift Valley for example. There has many records about the historical transitions is kept unknown to humans. East Africa Great Rift Valley should be preserved in certain ways by its region government. Second, some great nature landscape with glamorous sight should be preserved and utilized by government. Even though some sights are remote and few accession by the people at other times, government should open these beautiful places to visitors which can increased the incomes not only that content the visitors.

When it comes to the virgin forests, I think majority people would agree with me that virgin forests help us in many ways. As the biggest atmosphere purified factories, virgin forests not only draw dust and absorb harmful carbon dioxide, but also produce valuable oxygen. Moreover, forests can do better on prevention of floods, sandstorms and desert expansion. Besides, forests as essential part of nature play a significance role in the stabilization of the ecosystem. Without virgin forests, many species of wildlife, as the indivisibility rings in the chain of wildlife, may become extinct. Then which will inevitably result in the extinction of a chain of wildlife and the disruption of the ecological balance. In short, as the senior animals, people should provide and preserve space for virgin forests and animals in that, for all of us coexist in the same blue planet, Earth.

However, for the deserts or desolation regions, government should convert to usable areas. As we know, the more increasing number of the population of the whole world, the more provisions should be provided to the people. Hence, the desolation regions should be cultivated and deserts also should be afforested to produce provisions to humans.

In conclusion, the issue that whether government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas should be case-by-case analyzed by the character of wilderness areas.

fengboallanUID: 157405

我觉得，语言上的问题我不想该。我觉得更重要的东西在于写作的思路上
1 我觉得你对整个题目的complexity没有把握。首先，第一段，没有把这个题目更深的层次和背景说出来。只是在题目表面说出了，同意不同意。你再想想，看看范文。别人是从这个statement中论述什么
2 在body部分我觉得例证的太多了。例子过于detail。表面上字数虽然堆上去了，谅解我的词汇太尖刻。其实ETS reader更关注的是在这个例子论述过后，你对这个例子的分析，然后把它和主题你的观点联系起来。这才是重中之重

一个statement写过和没有写过，想过和没有想过，写出来时不一样的。

所以，有限的时间内，我给你条建议:
列提纲虽然不能让你在考场上都能记住
但是，每个高频的题，你要参考范文，想一想，
1他的复杂性，背景是什么。
2这个题目我可以从几个角度写，怎么分是才算深刻
说道深刻，深刻这个词我觉得不是你论述的多少，分论点全不全面
重要在于分论点的不同角度，和不同深度之间写出来


所以，这是我的建议
谅解，没有时间和能力为你逐字逐句改
因为我也是个大土人

AlexandraUID: 185174

哇~~~ 学长
每次听你教诲 感觉 就是不一样。

谢谢可敬的学长  ！！！！

chengenhuiUID: 200271

Issue83:
Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.

正文：（非限时）
I fundamentally agree with the speaker that many wilderness areas such as big great landscapes or virgin forests, wherethat 从句好像没有谓语啊,where去掉吧 should be preserved by governments, for they have many evaluations for people. Nevertheless, for some desolation territory, as the deserts, the government should try to convert such certain places to usable areas to satisfy the requirement of the humans.

To begin with, some wilderness areas, wherewhere在定语从句中代替介词结构,好像不能当主语用吧,改成which? even are extremely remote so that a few people access to, have its valued distinctions to people. First, such certain areas not only are parts of the natural state, but they recorded many information which relative to the procedure of the human being history. Take East Africa Great Rift Valley for example. There has many records about the historical transitions is kept unknown to humans. East Africa Great Rift Valley should be preserved in certain ways by its region government. Second, some great nature landscape with glamorous sight should be preserved and utilized by government. Even though some sights are remote and few accession by the people at other times, government should open these beautiful places to visitors which can increased the incomes not only that content the visitors.

When it comes to the virgin forests, I think majority people would agree with me that virgin forests help us in many ways. As the biggest atmosphere purified factories, virgin forests not only draw dust and absorb harmful carbon dioxide, but also produce valuable oxygen. Moreover, forests can do better on prevention of floods, sandstorms and desert expansiondesertification. Besides, forests as essential part of nature play a significance role in the stabilization of the ecosystem. Without virgin forests, many species of wildlife, as the indivisibility rings in the chain of wildlife前面刚用过这个结构,不如直接改成wild food chain,你是想说野生食物链么?, may become extinct. Then which will inevitably result in the extinction of a chain of wildlife and the disruption of the ecological balance. In short, as the senior animals, people should provide and preserve space for virgin forests and animals in that, for all of us coexist in the same blue planet, Earth.

However, for the deserts or desolation regions, government should convert to usable areas. As we know, the more increasing number of the population of the whole world, the more provisions should be provided to the people. Hence, the desolation regions should be cultivated and deserts also should be afforested to produce provisions to humans.

In conclusion, the issue that whether government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas should be case-by-case analyzed by the character of wilderness areas

总结一下:看完文章后,和二楼的观点差不多,写的的确不是很好。
   首先，语言上感觉不是很好，有些地方不通顺，有些地方因为我不确定，所以也没有改。
   第二，我同意二楼的观点，文章思路是关键。正文，第一段的例子有点问题，东非大峡谷好像和人类历史进程关系不是很密切。第二段，你主写原始森林，但是原始森林只是野生区域的一种，不能代表全部。你只说了它的好处，但是没有说明为什么政府应该提供保护。第三段写的过于单薄，论证不足。
  本人水平有限，如有不妥之处，请见谅：）

AlexandraUID: 185174

恩 谢谢 飞影！！！！！
我再总结总结。

tinmasterUID: 2101978

I fundamentally agree with the speaker that many wilderness areas such as big great landscapes or virgin forests, where should be preserved by governments[好像地点状语从句语法有问题,不确定,我语法也不好], for they have many evaluations for people[整个句子就有点问题,缺乏谓语,严重错误]. Nevertheless, for some desolation territory, as the[the好像不需要] deserts, the government should try to convert such certain places to usable areas to satisfy the requirement of the humans.

To begin with, some wilderness areas, where[不需要where] even are extremely remote so that a few people access to, have its[应该用复数] valued distinctions to people. First, such certain areas not only are parts of the natural state, but they[不需要they] recorded many information which relative to the procedure of the human being history. Take East Africa Great Rift Valley for example. There has many records about the historical transitions[缺了which] is kept unknown to humans. East Africa Great Rift Valley should be preserved in certain ways by its region government. Second, some great nature landscape with glamorous sight should be preserved and utilized by government. Even though some sights are remote and few accession by the people at other times, government should open these beautiful places to visitors which can increased the incomes not only that content the visitors[好像有点问题,我能理解你说是不止是为了满足观光者].

When it comes to the virgin forests, I think majority people would agree with me that virgin forests help us in many ways. As the biggest atmosphere purified factories, virgin forests not only draw dust and absorb harmful carbon dioxide, but also produce valuable oxygen. Moreover, forests can do better[既然没有对比对象,可能用good好一点] on prevention of floods, sandstorms and desert expansion. Besides, forests as essential part of nature play a significance role in the stabilization of the ecosystem. Without virgin forests, many species of wildlife, as the indivisibility rings in the chain of wildlife, may become extinct. Then which will inevitably result in the extinction of a chain of wildlife and the disruption of the ecological balance. In short, as the senior animals, people should provide and preserve space for virgin forests and animals in that, for all of us coexist in the same blue planet, [加the]Earth.

However, for the deserts or desolation regions, government should convert to usable areas. As we know, the more increasing[最好不用increasing.因为increasing与more都有比较的意味] number of the population of the whole world, the more provisions should be provided to the people. Hence, the desolation regions should be cultivated and deserts also should be afforested to produce provisions to humans.

In conclusion, the issue that whether government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas should be case-by-case analyzed by the character of wilderness areas.

flfengUID: 2111823

Issue83感觉现在很糟糕啊。。。

Issue83:
Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.

我觉得，语言上的问题我不想该。我觉得更重要的东西在于写作的思路上
1 我觉得你对整个题目的complexity没有把握。首先，第一段，没有把这个题目更深的层次和背景说出来。只是在题目表面说出了，同意不同意。你再想想，看看范文。别人是从这个statement中论述什么
2 在body部分我觉得例证的太多了。例子过于detail。表面上字数虽然堆上去了，谅解我的词汇太尖刻。其实ETS reader更关注的是在这个例子论述过后，你对这个例子的分析，然后把它和主题你的观点联系起来。这才是重中之重

一个statement写过和没有写过，想过和没有想过，写出来时不一样的。

所以，有限的时间内，我给你条建议:
列提纲虽然不能让你在考场上都能记住
但是，每个高频的题，你要参考范文，想一想，
1他的复杂性，背景是什么。
2这个题目我可以从几个角度写，怎么分是才算深刻
说道深刻，深刻这个词我觉得不是你论述的多少，分论点全不全面
重要在于分论点的不同角度，和不同深度之间写出来

仔细体会这些话吧，很有道理的，我为别人的修改主要也是提这些。他的建议是很正确的。其实ISSUE说白了还是你对题目的理解程度，想的深自然是篇好文章，想的范也只有凑凑字数的意义了。之所以提出复杂性，出自题目的可变角度太多，最好能够选取自己合适的角度，但是同时一小段提及其他方面来体会思维的完整性。复杂性还体现在题目的辨正性上面，其实你怎么想都是对的，主要是怎样体现出来你的想法，而且要体现的有力，这就涉及语言的水平问题了。
正文：（非限时）


I fundamentally agree with the speaker that many wilderness areas such as big great landscapes or virgin forests, where should be preserved by governments, for they have many evaluations for people. Nevertheless, for some desolation territory, as the deserts, the government should try to convert such certain places to usable areas to satisfy the requirement of the humans.
其实这个开头还可以，只是有点弱，体现不出更深的东西，完全是亮个观点而已。开头还是参考老外280篇吧，那些比较好用，而且逻辑上也比较健全，让步等等细节都体现的很好。

To begin with, some wilderness areas, where even are extremely remote so that a few people access to, have its valued distinctions to people. First, such certain areas not only are parts of the natural state, but they recorded many information which relative to the procedure of the human being history. Take East Africa Great Rift Valley for example. There has many records about the historical transitions is kept unknown to humans. East Africa Great Rift Valley should be preserved in certain ways by its region government. Second, some great nature landscape with glamorous sight should be preserved and utilized by government. Even though some sights are remote and few accession by the people at other times, government should open these beautiful places to visitors which can increased the incomes not only that content the visitors.

When it comes to the virgin forests, I think majority people would agree with me that virgin forests help us in many ways. As the biggest atmosphere purified factories, virgin forests not only draw dust and absorb harmful carbon dioxide, but also produce valuable oxygen. Moreover, forests can do better on prevention of floods, sandstorms and desert expansion. Besides, forests as essential part of nature play a significance role in the stabilization of the ecosystem. Without virgin forests, many species of wildlife, as the indivisibility rings in the chain of wildlife, may become extinct. Then which will inevitably result in the extinction of a chain of wildlife and the disruption of the ecological balance. In short, as the senior animals, people should provide and preserve space for virgin forests and animals in that, for all of us coexist in the same blue planet, Earth.

However, for the deserts or desolation regions, government should convert to usable areas. As we know, the more increasing number of the population of the whole world, the more provisions should be provided to the people. Hence, the desolation regions should be cultivated and deserts also should be afforested to produce provisions to humans.

In conclusion, the issue that whether government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas should be case-by-case analyzed by the character of wilderness areas.

文章写得不够有力，有忽视复杂性也可以解释吧。的确谈的比较简单。
Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.
publicly owned wilderness areas为什么要保护，首先就有很多理由，你的理由有了，可是没有体现出一些反面的东西。如果我认为开发好呢，促进工业啊！！那么你在展开是可以谈及既是对工业有一定促进，眼前利益有了，长远来件，WE ARE DEPRIVED OF THE NECESSITIES OF LIFE 等等。这样的话就比较从分，复杂性也体现出来了。你上面只是从正面来谈，当然让人感觉淡薄了。
如果这样你同意的话，那么这片文章就应该这样写：
1．        开头
2．        我们有保护的必要，因为。。。既是有时我们会遇到一些冲突，入暂时利益之类的东西，我们也要站在一个根高的立足点来看问题，毕竟。。。。。， 如果放弃了这些东东，既是我们得到一些利益也会损失很多。举例; 大熊猫保护区的工业化， 黄石公园的开发，热带雨林。。。。即使有时一个地方宾不是那么有名，只是乡村一角，然而哪里是一些小动物的乐园，开发不好吧，并且那些地方往往也是一些难得的自然景观。
3．        但是有些纯粹只是空着个地方，如果不开发，那不是浪费吗，毕竟人类的生存和发展需要这些资源，一个空地没有人去，没有动物， 一片荒芜，本身让其流在哪里也是浪费，开发吧，理由很多的。。。。。
4．        总结。。

flfengUID: 2111823

体谅，最近病了，头痛

AlexandraUID: 185174

flfeng ,我太高兴了
看了你的回复 我在电脑前 好感动啊
fengbo 学长只是 提到 复杂性 我想了很久
还是 不清楚 怎么个复杂性——很笨啊

flfeng ， 你 一语 就把问题讲明白了。 我太感谢你了，55555555555:handshake:p

[ Last edited by Alexandra on 2005-8-14 at 15:53 ]