issue83 【kito组智恩的作业】

智恩UID：2160717

83. "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
【总频47】
政府应该保留国家领土中公共拥有的荒凉地区，即使这些地区往往人迹罕至。
【提纲】
1 One of the reasons to support my view is that there might be mineral resources in the wilderness areas. [The Death Valley] 当代存在energy crisis 而且后来就是因为没有政府的管理 the exploitation at will made the valley exhausted
2 Another reason is that the preservation of publicly owned wilderness areas can be developed into wild life park like the Yellow Stone National Park.
a with some investment，政府可以通过这个赚钱 开发成旅游区 黄石公园的waterfalls， geyser 开发成教育课程 让人们亲自体会
b 可以保护稀有物种 比如黄石公园就有很多稀有物种，比如 Grizzly bear，Black bear，deer，
【正文】[510]
Should the government preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people? From my point of view, I totally agree with the speaker’s claim. For one thing, the remote wilderness areas may have a large amount of mineral resources. For another thing, the preservation of such areas contributes to the development of wild life park.

One of my reasons to support my view is that there might be plenty of mineral resources in the wilderness areas. If we utilize the mineral resources fully, it is an effective way to decrease the energy crisis. There is a persuasive example to illustrate this point. The Dead Valley National Park established in the 20th century. The origin of the Death Valley is that this valley had been in the desert of California and been found out due to its abundant mineral resources especially silver. Since no restrictions on such areas, many people went there for the exploitation of minerals and made the valley exhausted. Also many people died there and the name of Death Valley was created. From this example, we could be aware that there might be minerals in the wilderness areas and it is necessary for the government to explore these areas. Also the reason for the exhausted mineral resources is that the government had not carried out effective and reasonable plan to mine. From this lesson, it is wise to preserve the remote wilderness areas for the possible minerals. Moreover if the mineral resources exist, the minerals could resolve the energy crisis to some extent.

Another reason for the preservation is that it can develop into the wild life park like The Yellow Stone National Park. As is known to all, due to the destruction to the Death Valley, the government has been aware of the importance of preservation of such valley and established the Death Valley National Park. On the one hand, with some financial investment, it is beneficial for the government to develop these areas into tourism areas. At present, the Death Valley National Park comprises many rare desert wildlife, its distinct geology and desert scenery, which could attract many people for traveling. Thus the financial investment could be taken back and could make profits for the government. On the other hand, it is one of the effective ways to preserve rare animals and flora. Like The Yellow Stone National Park, there are many rare wildlife such as Black Bear, Grizzly Bear, Deer and so on and they are all protected and well taken care of. Meanwhile they could also attract tourists. With the preservation of wildlife, the ecosystem is well balanced and the well-being of human being is guaranteed.

In summary, it is beneficial for the government to preserve the remote wilderness areas because of the possible existent mineral resources and it is significant for the protection of rare wildlife. Moreover the preservation of such areas could contribute to the development of wildlife park to attract tourism and protect rare species.


谢谢修改！   

sallyxinduUID：2131253

83. "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
【总频47】
政府应该保留国家领土中公共拥有的荒凉地区，即使这些地区往往人迹罕至。
【提纲】
1 One of the reasons to support my view is that there might be mineral resources in the wilderness areas. [The Death Valley] 当代存在energy crisis 而且后来就是因为没有政府的管理 the exploitation at will made the valley exhausted
2 Another reason is that the preservation of publicly owned wilderness areas can be developed into wild life park like the Yellow Stone National Park.
a with some investment，政府可以通过这个赚钱 开发成旅游区 黄石公园的waterfalls， geyser 开发成教育课程 让人们亲自体会
对于这点有点疑问，题目是说preserve in their natural state，那么开发成旅游景点就会导致人为的参入从而破坏了他的自然性了呢？b 可以保护稀有物种 比如黄石公园就有很多稀有物种，比如 Grizzly bear，Black bear，deer，
【正文】[510]
Should the government preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people? 提问引起开头不错，但似乎简练点又不重复题目更好。From my point of view, I totally agree with the speaker’s claim. For one thing, the remote wilderness areas may have a large amount of mineral resources. For another thing, the preservation of such areas contributes to the development of wild life park.

One of my reasons to support my view is that there might be plenty of mineral resources in the wilderness areas. If we utilize the mineral resources fully it is an effective way to decrease the energy crisis. we could effectively decrease the energy crisis in virtue of making full use the mineral resources.There is a persuasive example to illustrate this point. The Dead Valley National Park established in the 20th century. The origin of the Death Valley is that this valley had been in the desert of California and been found out due to its abundant mineral resources especially silver. Since no restrictions on such areas, many people went there for the exploitation of minerals and finallymade the valley exhausted. Also many people died there and the name of Death Valley was created.这句话放在这里联系不大，可以去掉 From this example, we could be aware that there might be minerals in the wilderness areas andconsequently, it is necessary for the government to explore these areas. Also the another reason for the 这里应该有个动名词啊，要不然句子是什么意思？exhausted mineral resources is that the government had not carried out effective and reasonable plan to mine. From this lesson, it is wise to preserve the remote wilderness areas for the possible minerals. Moreover 这和上面不是递进关系，去掉然后后面if 重新开头旧可以了if the mineral resources exist, the minerals could resolve the energy crisis to some extent.

Another reason for the preservation is that it can be developed into the wild life park like The Yellow Stone National Park. As is known to all, due to the destruction to the Death Valley, the government has been aware of the importance of preservation of such valley and established the Death Valley National Park. On the one hand, 把这句和上句分开并加个in order to fall into the same mistakes again 类似的连接句，这样能加强逻辑感．with some financial investment, it is beneficial for the government to develop these areas into tourism areas. for the sake of government, in terms of finacing, it's necessary to ...At present, the Death Valley National Park comprises many rare desert wildlife, its [/u]including distinct geology and desert scenery, which could attract many people for traveling. Thus the financial investment could be taken back and could make profits for the government. On the other hand, it is one of the effective ways to preserve rare animals and flora. Like The Yellow Stone National Park, there are many rare wildlife such as Black Bear, Grizzly Bear, Deer and so on and they are all protected and well taken care of. Meanwhile they could also attract tourists. With the preservation of wildlife, the ecosystem is well balanced and the well-being of human being is guaranteed.
仍如提纲中提出的建议，似乎和in natural state这个主题跑得太远了

In summary, it is beneficial for the government to preserve the remote wilderness areas because of the possible existent mineral resources and it is significant for the protection of rare wildlife. Moreover the preservation of such areas could contribute to the development of wildlife park to attract tourism and protect rare species.
结尾和首段的内容相似，感觉是在套结尾。这种方式不是很好，其实结尾除了总结上面的内容以外还可以引出一些新内容，比如这里可以简单引出以下解决方法．因为完全重复前面没太大意思．