我的同主题topic143。。。请大家多多帮忙。。记得留下连接我们互改

DidoyUID: 2181213

143
There is always a heated argument about the length and times of students’ vacation. Some prefer on long vacation each year, while others tend to several short ones. As far as I am concerned, if I am the headmaster, I will choose the former—one long vacation every year because of three basic reasons. One is students can use this time to travel to wherever they want to, the other is they can spend this time learning whatever they are interested in, and the third is they can have enough time to catch up on their studies.

First, if students have long vacation, they can take travel. As it is so often pointed out, traveling really opens people’s eyes to other culture. Students should approach to other people’s customs and get more knowledge of the world by traveling. However, if they only have short vacations, they can only visit the places around their schools. For example, as a Chinese student with short breaks, I cannot go to Egypt to visit the pyramids; I cannot make a trip to the tower of Pisa in Italy; I even cannot pay a visit to Tibet, the western part of China. According to this, as for me, one long vacation is the best choice.

Next, students’ spend all their time studying during the semesters and they do not have free time to learn other thing they are interested in. Having short breaks, they cannot learn these things well. But were long vacation available, they could have enough time to learn the essential role of chess, to make themselves good cooks, to work as a computer master. Imagine all students can cultivate their skills in each vacation, how versatile they will be!

Finally, as the courses in schools are difficult and taught as fast as professors could, many students cannot keep up with the rate of study progress. Give them a long vacation , they will catch up with other students by using enough time.

To sum up, in my opinion, one long break has more advantages than several short ones. Since students can travel to see the outside world, approach to more skills and catch up on studies, one long break will be embraced without hesitation.

DidoyUID: 2181213

自己up一下！
大家多多赐教。。。。

夜一UID: 2130338

There is always a heated argument about the length and times of students’ vacation. Some prefer on tolong vacation each year, while others tend to 这后面不能跟名词的several short ones. As far as I am concerned, if I am应该用虚拟语气 the headmaster, I will choose the former—one long vacation every year because of three basic reasons. One is students can use this time to travel to wherever they want to, the other 这只能用在有且只有两种选择的时候is they can spend this time learning whatever they are interested in, and the third is they can have enough time to catch up on their studies.

First, if students have long vacation, they can take travel. As it is so often pointed out, traveling really opens people’s eyes to other culture. Students should approach to other people’s customs and get more knowledge of the world by traveling. However, if they only have short vacations, they can only visit the places around their schools. For example, as a Chinese student with short breaks, I cannot go to Egypt to visit the pyramids; I cannot make a trip to the tower of Pisa in Italy; I even cannot pay a visit to Tibet, the western part of China. According to this, as for me, one long vacation is the best choice.无论如何，我认为这一段是有逻辑漏洞的，只是travel的话根本需要要多长的时间，除非是特殊情况，比如go by bicycle，比如实地生态考察，我觉得楼主可以从这些情况入手，说明它们独特的吸引力和实用性

Next, students’？ spend all their time studying during the semesters and they do not have free time to learn other thing they are interested in. Having short breaks, they cannot learn these things well. But were long vacation available, they could have enough time to learn the essential role of chess, to make themselves good cooks, to work as a computer master. Imagine all students can cultivate their skills in each vacation, how versatile they will be!

Finally, as the courses in schools are difficult and taught as fast as professors could, many students cannot keep up with the rate of study progress. Give them a long vacation , they will catch up with other students by using enough time.

To sum up, in my opinion, one long break has more advantages than several short ones. Since students can travel to see the outside world, approach to more skills and catch up on studies, one long break will be embraced without hesitation.

虽然TWE不太要求多么严密的逻辑，但是总觉得楼主的论点比较week，举出的例子也不能算作典型，因为并不是short ones就办不到的事情

夜一UID: 2130338

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2
我的，也请楼主多多指教：）

DidoyUID: 2181213

tend to可以跟名词的，查过了
另外我觉得第二段的逻辑应该还行啊。。。我用了一些例子表明长假期可以去更远的地方旅游，这和生态考察什么的是什么关系？我不太明白
希望大家多多帮忙，谢谢

wyl3UID: 2160115

There is always a heated argument about the length and times of students’ vacation. Some prefer on(去掉) long vacation each year, while (the?) others tend to several short ones. As far as I am concerned, if I am the headmaster, I will choose the former—one long vacation every year because of three basic reasons.（这句话应该用虚拟语气） One is students can use this time to travel to wherever they want to, the other（应该用another吧？讲了是三个理由） is （that）they can spend this time learning whatever they are interested in, and the third is they can have enough time to catch up on their studies.

First, if students have （a） long vacation, they can take travel（数的问题）. As it is so often pointed out, traveling really opens people’s eyes to other culture. Students should approach to other people’s customs and get more knowledge of the world by traveling. However, if they only have short vacations, they can only visit the places around their schools. For example, as a Chinese student with short breaks, I cannot go to Egypt to visit the pyramids; I cannot make a trip to the tower of Pisa in Italy; I even cannot pay a visit to Tibet, the western part of China. According to this, as for me, one long vacation is the best choice.
（这段的论点有点牵强的感觉）
Next, students’ spend （这是个什么结构？）all their time studying during the semesters and they do not have free time to learn other thing they are interested in. Having short breaks, they cannot learn these things well. But were long vacation available,（这句我看不懂， 搂主解释一下） they could have enough time to learn the essential role of chess, to make themselves good cooks, to work as a computer master. Imagine all students can cultivate their skills in each vacation, how versatile they will be!

Finally, as the courses in schools are difficult and taught as fast as professors could, many students cannot keep up with the rate of study progress. Give them a long vacation , they will catch up with other students by using enough time.

To sum up, in my opinion, one long break has more advantages than several short ones. Since students can travel to see the outside world, approach to more skills and catch up on studies, one long break will be embraced without hesitation.（可以这么说嘛？如果可以我将学习之！）


几点建议：1如果搂住的观点是一边倒的话，我感觉可以采用这样的结构，开头表明立场，两个优点和另一个观点的一个缺点，最后总结，三个优点说服力不强，而且有点多。
2表达能多样化，虽然我这方面也做得不好。汗~~~~~~~
3注意语法！

以上

[ 本帖最后由 wyl3 于 2006-5-2 23:05 编辑 ]

夜一UID: 2130338

原帖由 Didoy 于 2006-5-2 22:53 发表
tend to可以跟名词的，查过了
另外我觉得第二段的逻辑应该还行啊。。。我用了一些例子表明长假期可以去更远的地方旅游，这和生态考察什么的是什么关系？我不太明白
希望大家多多帮忙，谢谢

是这个样子的
只是旅游的话，不管去多远，因为飞机什么的都很方便，一般都不会花多长时间，大不了就是两三个星期，多数都在10天以内，事实上也是这样的
但是如果旅行有目的的话就不一样了，比如生态或者文化考察，没有一两个月是不行的，因为是由研究对象的复杂性决定的
比如说去埃及，可以这样说，到处逛逛是不需要多长时间，但是既然去了，有些人就想彻底研究一下平时向往已久的古埃及文化，遍历埃及的大小神殿，这没有相当的时间就办不到了，所以说短的假期不能满足学生们深层次的要求

扁舟子001UID: 204048

There is always a heated argument about the length and times of students’ vacation. Some prefer on long vacation each year, while others tend to several short ones. As far as I am concerned, if I am the headmaster, I will choose the former—one long vacation every year because of three basic reasons. One is students can use this time to travel to wherever they want to, the other is they can spend this time learning whatever they are interested in, and the third is they can have enough time to catch up on their studies.真的佩服你，在开头段就能把所有的理由想清楚并表述出来。
First, if students have long vacation, they can take travel. As it is so often pointed out, traveling really opens people’s eyes to other culture. Students should approach to other people’s customs and get more knowledge of the world by traveling. However, if they only have short vacations, they can only visit the places around their schools. For example, as a Chinese student with short breaks, I cannot go to Egypt to visit the pyramids; I cannot make a trip to the tower of Pisa in Italy; I even cannot pay a visit to Tibet, the western part of China. According to this, as for me, one long vacation is the best choice.
这段赞同夜一的观点，可以细分一下旅游的目的。比如说旅行团的西藏游就只需要一个星期的时间。这个在短假是完全可以做到的。

Next, students’ spend all their time studying during the semesters and they do not have free time to learn other thing they are interested in. Having short breaks, they cannot learn these things well. [b]你的意思是要表达短时间不能把东西学好是吗？但是你下面举的例子，好像在短时间内是可以知晓其规则的。要不要说明一下，短时间内不能精通这些18般武义But were long vacation available, they could have enough time to learn the essential role of chess, to make themselves good cooks, to work as a computer master. Imagine all students can cultivate their skills in each vacation, how versatile they will be!

Finally, as the courses in schools are difficult and taught as fast as professors could, many students cannot keep up with the rate of study progress. Give them a long vacation , they will catch up with other students by using enough time.你的意思是平时跟不上班的学生，放了长假有补习的机会，是吗？让我想起来了我们可怜的中小学生。
To sum up, in my opinion, one long break has more advantages than several short ones. Since students can travel to see the outside world, approach to more skills and catch up on studies, one long break will be embraced without hesitation.

文章条理还是很清楚的，句子结构也有很多变化。前后衔接更紧密的话，会更加漂亮。

归来的虎子UID: 181060

There is always a heated argument about the length and times of students’ vacation. Some prefer on long vacation each year, while others tend to chooseseveral short ones. As far as I am concerned, if I am the headmaster, I will choose the former—one long vacation every year because of three basic reasons. One is students can use this time to travel to wherever they want to, the other is they can spend this time learning whatever they are interested in, and the third is they can have enough time to catch up on their studies. 这个可以删去
First建议不要用first, second,换点高级词汇，每段首句还是要装饰一下的, if students have long vacation, they can take traveling. As it is so often so often删掉pointed out, traveling really opens people’s eyes to other culture. Students should approach to other people’s customs and get more knowledge of the world by traveling. However, if they only have short vacations, they can only visit the places around their schools. For example, as a Chinese student with short breaks, I cannot go to Egypt to visit the pyramids; I cannot make a trip to the tower of Pisa in Italy; I even cannot pay a visit to Tibet, the western part of China. According to this, as for me, one long vacation is the best choice.前后逻辑？前面说的是作为一个校长的选择，后面又变成了一个学生了？


Next, students’ spend all their time studying during the semesters and they do not have free time to learn other thing they are interested in. Having short breaks, they cannot learn these things well. But were long vacation available, they could have enough time to learn the essential role of chess, to make themselves good cooks, to work as a computer master. Imagine all students can cultivate their skills in each vacation, how versatile they will be!

Finally, as the courses in schools are difficult and taught as fast as professors could, many students cannot keep up with the rate of study progress. Give them a long vacation , they will catch up with other students by using enough time.

To sum up, in my opinion个人感觉：前有sum up 后就不要in my opinion了吧，有点重复, one long break has more advantages than several short ones. Since students can travel to see the outside world, approach to more skills and catch up on studies, one long break will be embraced without hesitation. :lol

DidoyUID: 2181213

原帖由 wyl3 于 2006-5-2 22:58 发表
There is always a heated argument about the length and times of students’ vacation. Some prefer on(去掉) long vacation each year, while (the?) others tend to several short ones. As far as I am con ...

首先非常谢谢你！
But were long vacation available,（这句我看不懂， 搂主解释一下） they could have enough time to learn the essential role of chess, to make themselves good cooks, to work as a computer master. 我是这样用的Were long vacation available……=If long vacation were available是虚拟语气倒装
另外，最后一句里用的embrace和welcome的意思是一样的。one long break will be embraced without hesitation.毫不犹豫的欢迎一个长假期
你说到，两个优点和另一个观点的缺点，我觉得我所有的段落都是对比比较写法，就是several short ones和one long vacation一直是比较这来写的。我觉得这样应该要比把另一个观点的缺点单独列出来好吧。。。
大家认为呢？

DidoyUID: 2181213

原帖由 夜一 于 2006-5-3 12:38 发表

是这个样子的
只是旅游的话，不管去多远，因为飞机什么的都很方便，一般都不会花多长时间，大不了就是两三个星期，多数都在10天以内，事实上也是这样的
但是如果旅行有目的的话就不一样了，比如生态或者文化考 ...

夜一说的有道理，我之前都完全没有想到，前面还想不通了呢。。。回头把这一段再写一遍去。。。谢谢阿！

DidoyUID: 2181213

原帖由 扁舟子001 于 2006-5-3 14:56 发表
There is always a heated argument about the length and times of students’ vacation. Some prefer on long vacation each year, while others tend to several short ones. As far as I am concerned, if I  ...

我是不是太幼稚了？。。。怎么论据能有这么多漏洞阿。。。。哭死了要。。。
问你哦。。。为什么我的衔接不好呢？能具体说一下么？。。。我觉得没有衔接的问题嘛。。。。大家觉得呢？发表发表意见呀。。。

canny1222UID: 2191059

There is always a heated argument about the length and times of students’ vacation. Some prefer onone long vacation each year, while others tend to several short ones. As far as I am concerned, if I am the没有特指，用a比较好吧 headmaster, I will choose the former—one long vacation every year because of three basic reasons. One is students can use this time to travel to wherever they want to, the other is they can spend this time learning whatever they are interested in, and the third is they can have enough time to catch up on their studies.好像不是很提倡在第一段里把理由都写出来~~而且楼主的字数也够了，是不是可以考虑删掉这部分？

First, if students have long vacation, they can take traveltravelling. As it is so最好去掉 often pointed out, traveling really opens people’s eyes to other cultures. Students shouldcould approach to other people’s customs and get more knowledge of the world by traveling. However, if they only have short vacations, they can only visit the places around their schools. For example, as a Chinese student with short breaks, I cannot go to Egypt to visit the pyramids; I cannot make a trip to the tower of Pisa in Italy; I even cannot pay a visit to Tibet, the western part of China. According to this, as for me, one long vacation is the best choice.

Next, students’students spend all their time studying during the semesters and they do not have free time to learn other things they are interested in. Having short breaks, they cannot learn these things well. But were long vacation available, they could have enough time to learn the essential role of chess, to make themselves good cooks, to work as a computer master computer masters. Imagine all students can cultivate their skills in each vacation, how versatile they will be!

Finally, as the courses in schools are difficult and taught as fast as professors could我觉得这里直接用taught so fast比较好, many students cannot keep up with the rate of study progress. Give them a long vacation given a long vacation , they will catch up with other students by using enough time.

To sum up, in my opinion, one long break has more advantages than several short ones. Since students can travel to see the outside world, approach to more skills and catch up on studies, one long break will be embraced without hesitation.

夜一UID: 2130338

原帖由 Didoy 于 2006-5-3 21:00 发表

我是不是太幼稚了？。。。怎么论据能有这么多漏洞阿。。。。哭死了要。。。
问你哦。。。为什么我的衔接不好呢？能具体说一下么？。。。我觉得没有衔接的问题嘛。。。。大家觉得呢？发表发表意见呀。。。

不用着急的，其实很多时候我们的论述不严密，就是因为论据太泛泛，题目大了不好写，论据也是一样，只要narrow down的话，就没有问题了
还是拿第二段来说
去埃及，可以遍历大小神殿
去意大利，可以探究文艺复兴
去西藏，可以调查生态环境
这样一来就清楚了，去这些地方不难，但是要做时就要花时间，短假期当然做不到了
除了这些文化与科学调查以外，其他还有短假期不成的，比如说一些社会活动
比如说自行车协会从北京出发去西双版纳
比如说球队的暑期集训和全国大赛
比如说爱心社去边远山区支教
比如说社会实践，实习律师事务所等等

扁舟子001UID: 204048

同意夜一的观点，我写的第一篇同主题，也有这样的感受，讲了一通大而空的话，然后觉得自己啥也没说。所以现在特别注意，一定要具体，要让读者觉得就是这么一个道理。


不要着急的，这不是你的幼稚问题，真的。我们自己在写作文的时候，很多东西都意识不到，所以就这样写下来了。可是现在我们告诉你，我们读者的感受，你以后就可以有意识的在这方面多注意一点，这样就会有提高。不要哭死呀，不划算的。