issue51第一次作业

courtyardUID: 2399972

ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests ofeach student."
提纲：
1.能够考虑到学生个人需要和兴趣的教育体系是有效并且高效的。
2.教育资源不允许为每个人制定针对个人的学习规划
3.社会需要有复合能力的人才，而兴趣往往是有限的
4.一个人判断自己的兴趣所在不一定准确，而全方位的教育有助于打开视野并对其深入了解，从而更好地作出兴趣选择
5.兴趣对个人的学习工作来说还是很重要的，所以教育需要提供一些针对个人的课程和项目，前提是普通教育不能背替代
Will education be truly effective only when it meets the individual needs and interests of each student ?In my view ,the speaker unfairly generalizes .Admittedly ,interests and individual schedules are important to the development of students ,thereby education should pay great attention to those aspects .However ,considering the impossibility of making individual developments for each student and the importance of general education and the uncertain elements of one's interests trend ,education seems have no ability at all to achieve this point .

It is obvious that an education system with great consideration of students interests and individual differences will became an efficient and effective one ,by getting its students motivated to pursue their own interests and careers .In individual education ,students will never suffer from subjects that bore them much and can focus their attention on what they are really interested  and devoted in .Still students can make their own arrangements, involving subjects ,studying periods ,researching time and so on .

However ,compared with the large population of students in a country ,the resource of the education is so limited that it's just not able to satisfy every student's needs for their interests and individual arrangements .Thus it couldn't be defined as an effective solution .

Under the most fortunate condition ,there is an abundant resource of education , general education should also not be replaced by the one designed for individuals .To a large extent ,society needs kinds of people who have composite abilities ,while the interests of individual would not be that broad .

Another problem involves the significance of what the real interest is .Everybody knows that education separates into many hierarchies which are graduated into different levels .A student in a junior education level would not have enough abilities to judge what his real interests are by critical thinking .The most probable way to get an interest for him is through intuition .Besides ,a student wouldn't have a broad scope and can not know a field well enough tojudge whether a field of study or work really fits him ,and thereby limiting his choices and lowering the accuracy of his choices . Facing such an embarrassed situation ,general education will do a lot of help .By giving kinds of different subjects related to different fields ,general education will make students see this world more clearly before they make interest decisions .

After all ,the ultimate driving force behind people's study and work is interest .Thus schools ,colleges and universities should provide some subjects or programs for individual needs and interests .For example ,subjects such as "philosophy of history" and "politics of history" can be provided for students majoring in history .However ,general education should not and can not be replaced .

In sum ,though interest plays a very significant role in people's study and work ,it can not decides whether education is effective or not . However ,education can become more effective with more consideration of individual interests and needs .

WORDS: 496

[ 本帖最后由 courtyard 于 2007-11-23 23:16 编辑 ]

lsjaneUID: 2415613

Will education be truly effective only when it meets the individual needs and interests of each student ?In my view ,the speaker unfairly generalizes .Admittedly ,interests and individual schedules are important to the development of students ,thereby education should pay great attention to those aspects .However ,considering the impossibility of making individual developments for each student and the importance of general education and the uncertain elements of one's interests trend ,education seems have no ability at all to achieve this point .It is obvious that an educational system with great consideration of students interests and individual differences will became an efficient and effective one ,by getting its students motivated to pursue their own interests and careers .In individual education ,students will never suffer from subjects that bore them much and can focus their attention on what they are really interested  in and devoted to .Still students can make their own arrangements, involving subjects ,studying periods(是想说学习计划吗studying plan?或者是学习时间？感觉这个短语不是很合适) ,researching time and so on .However ,compared with the large population of students in a country ,the resource of the education is so limited that it's just not able（able在我印象中able不能接非人主语~不确定，反正感觉怪怪的it’s unavailable 是不是好些啊） to satisfy every student's needs for their interests and individual arrangements .Thus it couldn't be defined as an effective solution .Under the most fortunate condition ,there is an abundant resource of education , general education should also not be replaced by the one designed for individuals .To a large extent ,society needs kinds of people who have composite abilities ,while the interests of individual would not be that broad .Another problem involves the significance of what the real interest is .Everybody knows that education separates into many hierarchies which are graduated into different levels .A student in a junior education level would not have enough abilities to judge what his real interests are by critical thinking .The most probable way to get an interest for him is through intuition .Besides ,a student wouldn't have a broad scope and can not know a field well enough to judge whether a field of study or work really fits him ,and thereby limits his choices and lowering the accuracy of his choices . Facing such an embarrassed situation ,general education will do a lot of help .By giving kinds of different subjects related to different fields ,general education will make students see this world more clearly before they make interest decisions .After all ,the ultimate driving force behind people's study and work is interest .Thus schools ,colleges and universities should provide some subjects or programs for individual needs and interests .For example ,subjects such as "philosophy of history" and "politics of history" can be provided for students majoring in history .However ,general education should not and can not be replaced .In sum ,though interest plays a very significant role in people's study and work ,it can not decides whether education is effective or not . However ,education can become more effective with more consideration of individual interests and needs .
文章字数也不多但是分论点还是比较多的，我觉得是不是每一点再展开论述一下会好些，比方说教育资源不允许为每个人制定针对个人的学习规划这一条的论述，可以具体展开哪些方面是不可行的，比如教育资源，教学设备，时间经历等等。另外这样充分论述也比较符合改卷要求的^_^

lsjaneUID: 2415613

第一次回贴~~没有分清段~~不好意思哦~~

饮冰石UID: 2371555

文章的结构  比较好的例子等  文中修改的地方好的表达可以替换的词语或表达

Will education be truly effective only whenit meets the individual needs and interests of each student? /Will education be truly efficient only when it satisfiesindividual needs and interests? And will students learn most if they receivethe education especially designed for them?(个人认为在开头，尤其是第一句话，换一下词比较好) In my view ,the speaker who agrees with those statements（开头是作者提出的疑问，也就是说文中并没有提到有speaker这样claim, 所以我觉得后文应该有一个对于speaker的限定，否则不知道speaker从何而来。） unfairly generalizes.Admittedly ,interests and individual schedules are important to / are of paramount importance in the development of students ,thereby educationshould pay great attention to those aspects .However ,consideringthe impossibility of making individual developmentsfor each student(这个表达觉得有点别扭，换成making education to meet every students’development是不是更明确些？) and， theimportance of general education and the uncertain elements of one's intereststrend (在开头通过并列的方式很好地暗示了文章的结构^.^ 奖励一个星星~~~),education seems to have no abilityat all to achieve this point (不知道可不可以这样指代，总觉得和指代的内容有点远了，或者说指代不明) . 另外，从最后这个结论来看，是不是在说education 不可能达到完全满足每个人的兴趣和需求？但是这与前变得并列结构似乎有点不太对应。前面的三点，只有第一点可以与之对应，后面两点觉得有一些牵强。

On the one hand,(加一个类似于这样的结构提示是不是更好一些？)It is obvious that an educational system withgreat consideration of students interests and individual differenceswill became an efficient and effective one ,by getting its students motivatedto pursue their own interests and careers ./ it is anundeniable fact that by getting students motivated….careers, the education systemwith great…..effective on. In individual education ,students will neversuffer from subjects that bore them much and can focus their attention on whatthey are really interested  and devoted in./ neverwill students suffer fromthe subjects…, and they can… Still students can make their own arrangementsinvolving subjects, studying periods, researching time and so on. /Still, students can make their own study plans (或者arrangements for study, make their ownarrangements的说法有点奇怪，也可能我自己没有见过吧，不好意思……),for example，(虽然这个是废话，但是个人觉得加进去可以让句子结构更丰富）choosing subjects as they like, arranging studyingperiods according to their habitual, mapping out researching time based ontheir schedule and so on.

However, on theother hand, (结构的提示) compared with the large population of students in a country ,theresource of the education is so limited that it's just not able to/ it is hard to (否定词用起来更书面一些)satisfy every student's needs for their interests and individualarrangements .这个论述似乎过于简单了,同意楼上给出的建议^.^.这个相当于一个论点，但是没有中间的分析WHY而直接跳到了下面的结论，觉得有一些仓促。Thus it couldn't be defined as an effective solution.


Besides,(这一段应该是一个分论点吧？)under the most fortunatecondition ,there is an abundant resource of education ,(之前不是说资源有限么？而且这个和后边的general education之间有什么必然的联系呢？)general education should also not be replaced by the one designedfor individuals .To a large extent ,society needs kinds of people who havecomposite abilities ,while the interests of individual would not be that broad./ To a large extent, our society calls for thegeneralities who have inclusive and comprehensive abilities, the broad ones,which are the required by more and more people, seldom can be achieved onlythrough meeting individual interest. (我觉得可以用不同的句式把一句话变得丰富一些。)

Another problem involves the significance of what thereal interest is .Everybody knows /It iswell known that (无灵主语可以体现书面话语言的特点) that education separates into many hierarchies which are graduatedinto different levels, therefore, the interests ofstudents in different stages are various because of the diversity ofeducational periods.（建立不同阶段与学生兴趣差别的联系。）A student in a junior education level would not have enoughabilities to judge what his real interests are by criticalthinking ./ A good example can be found inthe case that a student in a junior education level are not mature enough tojudge what …….by critical thinking. And the most probable way to get aninterest for him is through intuition .Besides, a student wouldn't have a broad scope and can not know a field well enoughto judge whether a field of study or work really fits forhim ,and thereby limiting his choices and lowering the accuracy of hischoices . So the range of their choices will definitelybe limited and the accuracy be lowered.(原来的limiting的主语应该是学生的局限性，但是原句的主语是学生，所以分词的主语有问题。)Facing such an embarrassing situation, general education will do alot of help .（是谁facing, 如果不加以明确的话，就是general education再facing.）By giving kinds ofdifferent subjects related to different fields, general education will makestudents see this world more clearly before they make interest decisions. (依然是分词主语的问题)
看到这里觉得很疑惑，这一段到底是在论述学生的兴趣的不稳定性，还是general education 的重要性呢？如果是学生的兴趣的不稳定性，就与generaleducation 没有必然的关系。

After all, the ultimate driving force behindpeople's study and work is interest .Thus schools, colleges anduniversities should provide some subjects or programs for individual needs andinterests .For example, subjects such as "philosophy of history" and"politics of history" can be provided for students majoring inhistory .However, general education should not and can not be replaced .（这一段我觉得可以放在结尾里作总结，作为一种解决的办法。单独抽出来放在这里，觉得好像是自己把自己之前的论点都给减弱了的样子。）In sum,though interest plays a very significant role in people's study and work, itcan not decide whether education is effective ornot. However, education can become more effective with more consideration ofindividual interests and needs.
（结尾应该是对于全文的一个总结吧，我觉得这么写过于随意了，有点自相矛盾的感觉。though interest plays a very significant role inpeople's study and work和education can become more effective with moreconsideration of individual interests and needs .是一个意思，后边的it can notdecides whether education is effective or not 在中间，不知道最后作者的观点到底是什么。）

饮冰石UID: 2371555

1.      文章的结构在开头就给了很明确的暗示，这样可以很好地继续进行下去。但是在后面的论述中逻辑有一些混乱。
2.      有些地方没有很明确的结构提示的过渡，尤其是第一个论点，使后文的结构不够明确，所以可以在这方面加强一下。
3.      分析的角度有三个层面，可以对问题进行很好地阐述。但是每一个角度如果可以更加深入一些，引入一些例子，可能可以使整个文章更加饱满和丰富。


第一次帮别人修改，可能有些地方也不对，不过还是希望对你有所帮助，如果可以找到其他人再帮你改一下也许更好，呵呵，加油哦~~~:loveliness:

courtyardUID: 2399972

多谢 lsjane 饮冰石 两位热情排砖啊~~小弟收益不尽。第一次写，比较烂。抽空一定回拍！